After seeing Sharon Stone’s face slowly melt off, her neck weathered as shit, it’s almost embarrassing admitting that I still jerk off to screen shots of her pussy from Basic Instinct, but unfortunately for me, compared to the other things I’ve jerked off to over the years, her old weathered pussy is actually acceptable. I mean there have been real desperate times where real weird shit has gone down that I don’t necessarily ever want to talk about, but I’ll give you a hint and that hint is Rosie O’Donnell in that movie where she was in dominatrix gear and that’s not even scratching the surface of the dark places I’ve been with my dick…..together we are modern day explorers who never have to leave my couch.
Sharon Stone’s tits were on the cover a French magazine. I don’t feel like her tits deserve that kind of attention. It’s gonna give her an ego and make her think she’s still got it goin’ on when at this stage of the game, she’s should sit back and watch her sex appeal fade and remember that the only dude who wants to see her pussy when she uncrosses her legs and isn’t wearing panties is her doctor lookin’ for pre-cancerous cells on her vagina or some weird dude who hasn’t got access to the internet but does have a copy of the Basic Instinct DVD with zoom feature on his remote.
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I used to own a piece of shit car. This was a few years ago when I needed it to get to work because I am too luxurious for public transport, despite being poor as shit. I just couldn’t handle being next to smelly immigrants who would rub up against me, or the 9-5 slaves that looked pale and exhausted in their boring fuckin’ lives. Shit would make my hangover induced anxiety ten times worse than just driving. Everyday, I’d wake up and go out to my piece of shit car and there would be a flyer on it saying “we buy scrap cars for scrap metal for 300 dollars or less”. Now I paid at least 2500 dollars of my wife’s money for the shit box that year and wasn’t about to give it up for a couple hundred buck, but I didn’t know whether I should take the eager scrap metal guy’s request as a compliment like my car is a hot piece of shit, or as an insult like my car was a piece of shit that deserved to be trashed, but I do know it’s probably the same feeling that Sharon Stone gets every time she leaves her house because despite being an old piece of garbage of a woman, someone out there’s probably willing to fuck her for a couple hundred dollars….
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I was at a bar the other night and I suggested to the bar owner that we throw a weekly stepPARTY where we rip off the girls gone wild concept and market it as Spring Break beach party where girls show up in bikinis, have wet t-shirt contests and get it on with each other all while I drunkenly watch as the leader of the night because it’s my fuckin’ party.
The owner was interested but told me that it probably won’t be a hit because the only girl who goes in her bar is this one chick named Alice and she’s about 65, 300 pounds and is missing teeth, but bitch has no problem having drinking contests and showing her tits with the promise of a free shot and I told him that that sounds like a hit to me.
Here are some pictures of a thinner lookin’ 65 year old who still gets naked for money, but I doubt she’ll be coming to my party.
I like pussy, even if shit is wrapped up in a pair of underwear, because I know shit’s still there. I know everyone has seen Sharon Stone’s pussy, but that was when it was younger and it’s always nice to see what life’s changes have done to a vagina, it’s like watching your baby go to it’s first day of kindergarten and not only because it smells the same as when your kid shit’s his pants out of fear, but also because of the the natural growth of the human species and it’s times like this that makes us appreciate just how magical life is. Unfortunately for Sharon Stone though, the magic is more of a retired grandfather struggling to pull some tricks he learnt in the war and less like the magic I thought I experienced when I thought I lost my virginity but was really just jerking off to porn in the 80s, I blame the acid.
So here are some pictures of a slut your grandmother’s age topless on the beach. The thing I like about older chicks is they are a little more liberal with their vaginas than younger girls. It’s like they are overcompensating for being haggard and trying to hold onto the dream that all the younger girls are living. I guess that usually means they fuck harder and dirtier, they dress sluttier and talk sluttier and act sluttier behind closed doors too. They are the kind of girls who shove 2 dildos in their asses instead of one. It’s probably easier for Sharon Stone to be topless considering she invested some money into these obviously fake tits.
Speaking for fake, I watched the Sopranos Series Finale at my friend’s house yesterday and didn’t understand what the fuck happened. Did he get shot, did he get arrested, did meadow get gang banged on her way into the restaurant. If you have any inside scoop let me know.
The last time I saw a 50 year old in a bathing suit was when I worked at the YMCA for a week before getting fired for walking in the women’s locker room by accident at rush hour. The problem with my plan to walk into the women’s locker room to see all the younger and hotter pieces of ass that worked out there was that I didn’t think things through properly. If I had been working there a little longer before making my move into voyeur janitor, I would have figured out that all the young tight bodied women who go to the YMCA show up in their workout gear and leave in their workout gear. The only people who get naked and stay naked for an hour while getting ready are the chicks with white pubic hair. They are also the ones who took the aquarobics class and would slowly make their way to the pool to play in the shallow end strutting their stuff like their very own Baywatch….
Now Sharon Stone may not be in an aquarobics class and she may not looks like a senior citizen yet, but her ass does and that’s all that really matters to me.
Here are some pictures of Sharon Stone looking pretty fucking mad. At first I thought it was because she realized she was a washed up has-been who has no more sex appeal and the closest thing that she gets to turning people on is when they rent the Basic Instinct DVD and pause on her cunt and zoom in, but the only people doing that now are people you probably wouldn’t want jerking off to you anyway. I am talking weird people who collect comic books and action figures. Yes, I am talking about you. Then I realized that she was just mad at the paparazzi who are probably all up in her face like they care what she’s up to. Instead of being so fucking high-strung about the attention, she should embrace all the fucking attention she’s getting because her busted old ragged catcher mitt of a face, won’t be getting it much longer. If he hates the paparazzi so fucking much, she probably should have re-thought her career when she was just a blonde with big tits and few other options, her life today would be substantially poorer, so she should try to turn that anger into a hug.
