I remember asking someone who was a few degrees of separation from Sophie Monk if she could let her know I want her to sit on my fuckin face and finger my asshole until I fall asleep, but she told me not to bother giving her any attention because she’s fuckin’ useless, crazy and getting fat.

I think it had more to do with the girl who was a few degrees of separation from Sophie Monk, didn’t want to admit she was talking to some dude from a website because it’s a desperate look, but not as desperate as me trying to get some girl who works for this bitch to tell her I want her to fart in my mouth just so I can taste what that mom ass is bakin’.

Maybe I’m won over cuz I never had a mom, maybe cuz I find something about her hot, maybe it’s cuz she’s accessible, but whatever it is, no matter how fat she gets, I’ll always be willing to hit up an all you can eat buffet with her, as long as it ends in me waking up with the Paris Hilton strain of herpes she has from her fiance fuckin’ around on her….

Here are the pics…

There’s something pretty magical about watching Sophie Monk riding some weird Mexican donkey themed toy you’d see kids posing with, not because I am into watching kids ride things for sexual pleasure, but because I like Mexican themed shit being riden by hot, busty, hard nippled Australians who ever since moving to America to be with her lame fiance who left her for Paris Hilton’s vile vagina, despite his true feelings that his heart really belonged to his twin brother, are desperate for attention and letting paparazzi agencies do these kinds of low budget photoshoots with her, in hopes someone picks it up. We’re talking a few steps away from a porn career and motherfucker, I’m ready for it cuz I think this bitch has got it going on, despite the bad choices she’s made in choosing cock to put up inside her….

I had these three posts lined up and when looking at the pictures I realized I had nothing interesting to say about these sluts, because they are all pretty fucking irrelevant. One is some Chinese rich kid who has been in Playboy and has managed to have nipple slips at every single event she’s attended and I never really understood why she was even attending the events in the first place.

The other is a washed up child star who is pretending to be a lesbian while addicted to coke, delusional and looking more and more like she’s about to die as the days go on, but her tits manage to stay the same size because I guess they were right all along and she’s got implants, because it really is the only explanation. She’s been in two movies the last 3 years, her career is almost over and I guess she got a sympathy invite to some Oscar party because she’s still got celebrity, despite really only deserving AIDS.

The last is some Aussie with great tits, who has hard nipples, but who can’t be acknowledged as someone I want to fuck because she was engaged to a Good Charlotte brother because I guess in Australia, they were stars and she was a groupie even he didn’t respect enough to not cheat on. Meaning that she wasn’t even good enough for him and lets face it, he’s not really good enough for any vagina, not even fat chick vagina, that said, I’d still fuck her, but I would never respect her and I guess either will Hollywood because I haven’t seen her in anything worth seeing recently, may be a good time to head back to the Outback…but she did have a date with Russell Simmons this past weekend, so who knows…maybe I am wrong about this one…

And here are their pictures, because I am lazy and not gonna let good cropping and uploading go to fucking waste. Enjoy.

Sophie Monk….

Lindsay Lohan….

I wonder if Sophie Monk, Paris Hilton and the Good Charlotte fat lesbian sister they both dated ever had a threesome together. You know rubbing cunts til one of them squirts. Benji with a fist in his man pussy, Paris taking pictures of herself to figure out a way to market it to greater opportunities and Sophie Monk showering her pussy with Hand Sanitizer hoping the herpes aren’t contagious, without realizing 6-8 weeks later that they are.

I mean if the Sophie Monk’s break-up was anything like most break-ups, you know going from being engaged to him being in love with Paris Hilton for a career move for his band, their new album and tour, because of the whole Nicole Richie and His Twin Sister having a kid together and the whole Paris being Nicole’s BFF and him being his Twin Sister’s masturbation partner, a story the media would eat it all up, leaving Sophie Monk in the dust, but only after taking Paris for a test ride to see if changing his whole life is worth it, and deciding that it is….

But I know there was a period, after he broke the news to Monk that he was leaving her because he cheated on her and that he was moving on to lower quality, but richer pussy, where she felt inadequate, insecure and willing to forgive him just to get his lesbian suburban tattoos and her life back, by throwing herself at him, in some emotional decision and like all guys, or lesbians that look like guys, he went for it. Because you never turn down the pussy.

Knowing that celebrities don’t use condoms, especially Paris Hilton, and we have proof of that, means that her and Paris Hilton pretty much rubbed cunts without actually rubbing cunts and the likliness of her having a Valtrex Prescription like her ex-future husband’s new future wife and that takes a little away from wanting to go down on her for lunch, you know, it lowers her stock a bit, but herpes isn’t enough reason to keep most guys away when they come up on something that looks like this…..if anything it adds to the whole excitement of the experience, like playing dodgeball, but with more serious repercussions, since when you lose, you’re reminded of it for life…

So Sophie Monk decided to get back at her Good Charlotte sister, who moved her to the USA with promises of lesbian marriage and children, before getting swept up by Paris Hilton’s rank vagina, when she was trying to save her career and jump on the Lohan / Ronson lesbian party boat, and she’s doing it by releasing a line of underwear based on the underwear the Good Charlotte Sister used to wear for her. Shit’s contouring and makes fat chicks think they look less fat, but strapping them down and squeezing them proper like we were in the middle ages and they were some kind of high society woman or some shit, only knowing Sophie Monk’s celebrity, they’ll probably be sold at Sears next to LL Cool J’s collection of suburban gangster gear for the whole family, in his last whimper for attention.

So the good news about that is that Good Charlotte sister’s fat girl panties aren’t just for the rich and famous anymore and in the economic crisis, that’s the social conscious thing to do, because when you have to decide whether to go with the groceries or a pair of cheeap underwear to trick men into thinking you are worth fucking, go with the underwear, because that man you may be tricking could be rich enough to take you out for dinner and we all know that can be expensive because you eat more than the average person and because of the fact that you are wearing these panties pretty much means food is probably the last thing you need.

I like the way Sophie Monk has a pair of them on her head, she’s so playful like that, I heard that last week she let Ryan Seacrest shove his pantyhose down her throat to gag her before licking her asshole while jerking off. True Story.

Go to 4 minutes into the video to see Sophie Monk in her natural habitat of Australia, where her couch, like mine, was covered by a sheet, to make the piss stains, holes and maggots living inside it, less offensive when sitting down to watch a movie. Sure, she wasn’t as poor as the homeless guy I met in an alley when taking a piss, who was smashing his head against a dumpster screaming in pain, only to come up to me in some kind of bloody mess asking me if I was involved in the black market organ trade, and not believing me when I said no, or the street kid with a tattooed face who was moaning to himself yesterday and when I asked him what was wrong he told me his mouth hurt, when I asked why, he lifted up his lip to show me a rotted out mess that smelled like death and that he couldn’t get fixed because he had no money for a dentist, but poor never the less.

Either way, it’s nice to see Sophie not forgetting where she came from as she climbs into her Range Rover in LA after a long day of going to Pilates, that was probably followed up by sitting on her ass, or taking a bubble bath, or calling Ryan Seacrest and talking about boys.

Sophie Monk is showing off her pie eating contest winning legs and I don't mean lesbian legs because she dated that Good Charlotte motherfucker who clearly doesn't have a dick, and she's doing it in a pair of short trashy shorts that remind me of the 90s, which in a totally unrelated story, were fucking horrible, but I still think she's got it going on, because she is weird lookin' and sometimes weird is good unless weird looking is scary, like something out of a horror movie, or like DJ AM's new face, in which case weird lookin' is better kept in a burlap bag.

I went to a bar once and in the corner was a creepy lonely lookin guy on the piano. He was playing the song “Lady in Red” over and over and he sounded sad. He kept ordering cocktails and I knew that he never planned his life to end up in a dive bar playing the piano. I could tell he had dreams of grandeur, you know, to take his talent to the top of the charts like he was Elton John, but instead was living in a studio apartment with no hot water and playing the piano in exchange for free booze.

Either way, I got fed up of hearing the Lady in Red song, it was a little tedious after the 4th time, so I went up to him and tried to chat him up and win him over, after realizing he was a miserable person, I snuck in a little “do you know any other songs” and he went rabid. His eyes widened and he screamed “I play what I fell like playing, now get the fuck away from me” before breaking down and running off to the bathroom, 5 minutes later he was back at the bar, ordering another drink and 5 minutes later, he was back at the piano playing Lady in Red again.

I feel like his personal torment was on the same level of Sophie Monk’s after he fiance left her for Paris Hilton. That’s the kind of thing that makes a person want to kill themselves, so it’s nice to see that she’s surviving and showing off her legs and hair extensions while doin’ it.

It looks like I slept on these Sopie Monk pics, which is probably because everytime I think of the trash that has actually slept on Sophie Monk, like Ryan Seacrest and the Good Charlotte twin who is slamming Paris Hilton, both sexually ambiguous, Ryan Seacrest with his frosted hair and everything about him being gay and Good Charlotte for having sex with his brother because it’s seen as masturbation since they are twins, playing shitty gay anthems and most importantly because he sucks, leading me to believe that Sophie Monk may be a transexual and despite finding her kinda hot and interesting to look at like a Picasso painting, here she is with her junk taped up. I just can’t wait to see her stage show where she sings “I Will Survive” and Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” like all the trannies do at their tranny shows because there is no way this bitch doesn’t have COCK.

Sophie Monk’s wearing shorts, I guess she’s slowly trying to get sluttier and sluttier because we all know that girls who wear anything above the knees are just asking to get fucked, it’s been a key defense in rape cases for decades, and the reason she is doing it is because her self esteem was raped when her boyfriend left her for Paris Hilton, that’s kinda like when your favorite stripper gets mad at you for getting a lap dance with the old fat chick no one in their right mind wants because she leaves shit stains on your freshly pressed khakis or some shit. It’s going from good to bad, leaving the good thinking they are worse than the bad and when the bad is Paris Hilton shit’s detrimental to your mental health, at least that’s what I am thinking. It’s kind of the way every guy feels when they find out that I banged their girlfriend at some point in their life, they feel like something is wrong with them for dating something that got with me and it always gives me a laugh because I know it true and when you get over the truth hurting bullshit, you realize that in the end you still got laid, and that’s a whole lot more rewarding than people thinking you’re disgusting.

Sophie Monk is a slut proven by this blowjob face you know she’s trying to pass off as a yawn. She’s the kind of girl with dick on her mind, you know trying to figure out who next to hit up to propel her fame to the next level so that she’s as relevant as Paris Hilton. You know her boyfriend’s ex-vagina that he’s dropped her for, giving as all an idea of how shitty Monk actually is in bed, because we all know how shitty Hilton is in bed and I guess she’s just practicing so the same mistake doesn’t happen again. You know I said You Know a lot in this post. I am so crazy when it comes to words. Watch out.

If you’re wondering why her name is tattooed on the back of her neck, I have no idea, but can only assume it’s part of her marketing plan, you know when a girl tells you shit like “don’t forget this face” or “keep my signature because I will become famous and it’ll be worth a lot one day”, only the “remember this name” as you’re pulling on her pony tail and fucking her from behind passive aggressive version….

Either way, watch her get her roots done, cuz she’s no natural blonde.

Call me sexist, but I don’t think girls should drive expensive sports cars because they have a hard enough time driving everyday cars that putting that kind of horsepower under their vaginas is just asking for disaster and a very luxurious traffic jam caused by her multiple attempts at parallel parking the fuckin’ thing. The only stick a girl should be rockin’ is the one in her man’s pants and if she needs to get herself around to the grocery store, because that’s really the only time she should be let out of the house, she should take the fuckin’ bus. But if a bitch insists on having her own car because we live in a modern world where women don’t belong to men, there’s always the Smart Car or the Miata or a minivan to pick the kids up from soccer, but a Ferraris shouldn’t even be considered because it should be illegal for them to get behind the wheel.

Speaking of girls lookin’ retarded, I was just outside for about a minute to see if the world had been wiped out by some kind of natural disaster and to my disappointment it hadn’t but this really hot girl wearing the tightest little shorts and the tightest little top rolled by me. I felt like she was sent by god to bring joy to my life with her bounching braless breasts in a wifebeater, before realizing she was on a fucking skateboard, not the longboard kind that you see on the beach that everyone is using for transportation these days, but an actual skateboard like Tony Hawk would use and no matter how hot she was, her awkward balancing and use of the thing offended me so much that I couldn’t enjoy her the way she was meant to be enjoyed because of her stupid gender bending behavior because she feels the need to break barriers by using something made for boys badly and I felt like I was at the circus.

Either way, here are pictures of Sophie Monk and her weird lookin’ face I want to fuck shopping for luxury sports cars because she’s richer than us even though she’s barely done anything, proving that entertainment is a smart career choice if you’re lookin’ for one. She’s obviously trying to feed some emptiness caused by her future husband and lesbian lover from Good Charlotte cheating on her with Paris Hilton, which is usually something that leads other girls to suicide because that vagina bumpin’ by association is too close for comfort.

I know that you’re an easy sell when it comes to girls, because you’ve reached that point of desperation. Like the dude I saw hitting on this tight bodied 18 year old the other night. Dude had money, he was probably married and he walked up to her to tell her that she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. Being drunk, I decided to intervene and show this dude up, so I step in and tell him that he just did a good job, but we all know that he’s so tired of his wife that a plate of raw meet before he BBQ’s for his wife of 20 years and 3 kids turns him on at this point. That strategy worked against me, because the girl said I was disgusting and went to the bar with him, so I guess I was the real loser in the situation.

Speaking of losers, Sophie Monk must really feel like one. She fell for Good Charlotte twin because I can only assume he was huge in her home country of Australia, she dated him until they became engaged, because I guess she thought he was sincere since she was the first hot pussy he ever landed and all the other good lookin’ dudes out there were just out for her pussy cuz she’s hot. Then dude gets cocky and turns on her by fucking Paris Hilton, what must be a huge blow to the “other” girl in the situation’s ego. Sure Paris is spoiled and a master manipulator who knows how to get what she wants and he was just overwhelmed that girls wanted his fat ass and had a false sense of how desirable he was and felt the need to capitalize on all opportunities that present themselves. His behavior left him covered in herpes and unable to explain the “rash” to Monk, getting busted and dumped and forced to go back to the trash Hilton that he is probably going to be stuck to for life, because of their STD bond that other girls won’t want any of and that he can’t deny cuz shit’s all over the fucking media.

The good news is that through all this, Sophie Monk has still managed to stay hot and here she is in a bikini.

I guess I should have known that something wasn’t right with this Sophie Monk character. I was all excited about her a couple weeks ago but never even thought about the condition of her ass. The fact that she was with Good Charlotte was the worst I thought it could get, but I was able to pass that off as some kind of mistake since she’s a foreigner and maybe Good Charlotte is a big deal in Australia…like Hasselhoff was huge in Germany and I figured I couldn’t blame her for falling into a culturally confused decision…but now I see her ass and whatever the fuck she’s doing to it. It looks like she’s trying to hold in her shit by clenching and that’s making it look she’s already dumped out some mangled ground beef already and it makes me cry on the inside. You know, I don’t expect anyone to be perfect, but when you look this tight from the front, it’s a total downer to catch yourself wondering if that shit’s a tall skinny 95 year old from the back.

I still will say she’s a better catch than Paris Hilton and bad ass or not I’m still a fan, but now that she’s onto Ryan Seacrest, I think it’s safe to say that Sophie Monk is dead to me.

Bonus – Sophie Monk Showing Off Some Tit to Distract Us From Her Dumpy Ass

I think posting Sophie Monk is my way of rubbing shit in Benjo Madden’s face because I think she’s hot and he’s onto some sewage treatment plant of a vagina that he found in Paris Hilton. I know the whole expression we used to drop back in the day that even Cindy Crawford’s husband gets bored of her and seeks new vagina, back when Cindy Crawford was the hottest model out there, but I still think going from this to Paris is some kind of twisted shit. I guess Paris is more experienced sexually, and that sometimes means that bitch is better in bed and can do things to him that a regular unslutty chick can’t, but I know that every slut that I’ve ever got with has been pretty shitty in bed and the reason they are sluts in the first place. Pretty much no guy ever stuck around with them long enough for them to really experiment and there sex may be with many people, but it’s been bad sex with many people. Where as a girl who just gets out of a long term relationship is all about licking your asshole and letting you fuck her without a condom because that’s all she really knows.

I guess what it all comes down to is that that best sex Madden has ever had was when he was in the womb suckin off his twin brother that they caught on ultrasound, and for him his life will be a constant journey to find that innocent first love again…..and unfortunately for him he’s lookin’ in all the wrong places, but at least he can get a cheesy mall tattoo to commemorate the journey.

Here’s Sophie Monk with no bra and hard nipples you perverts…