It turns out that even party sluts need a break every once in a while, you know sometimes they just want to put the binge drinking, late night coke parties, random hook ups, dancing on the bar in a bikini top like an eternal spring break party on the back burner to feel like a normal person. They usually do this by settling down with some random guy they met in the club and it lasts for about a week, until she realizes how fuckin’ boring relationships are and she ends up sneaking out when dude is asleep and goes back to her party slut ways.

The good news is that in the meantime, Tara Reid is settling down by getting in a bikini on the beach with the dude she’s using to feel like a normal 35 year old, because bitch’s body looks pretty fuckin’ banging and drunk or not, I’m down with staring at it.

Tara Reid is a machine and parties all the time. I don’t think she gets enough credit for the work that she does because going out is a total pain in the ass. Everyone hates on her for being useless but the truth is that she draws a crowd when she hits these clubs like some d-list rockstar and she’s constantly bringing her A-game.

I know when I get wasted in barsI am pretty much tapped out for a week. I get 2 day hangovers and usually don’t leave my bed until my wife gets into it but that’s just because there’s not enough room for the two of us. That’s life as a fat man with a fat wife and that’s probably part of the reason why I don’t have the same kind of stamina as Tara Reid.

The good news is that I still drink everyday, but there’s just something easier about getting wasted in a gutter alone than having to make conversation with useless people while trying to look your best, which is something I never have to do because I’m no miracle worker and can’t help but look like a wreck. I guess that’s just one of the many reason’s I’m not like Tara Reid, other reasons include not having fake tits, not having money, not being someone people want to have sex with and not wearing my wallpaper out as a dress because I don’t even have wallpaper. I know…I’m pretty much good for nothing.

It was the Winter Music Conference in Miami this past week and I wanted to send someone there to get video footage of all the crazy party people high on drugs, but the WMC decided that my site wasn’t legit or cool enough to cover their shitty week of club djs and I got rejected, so I had to tell the unemployed dude in Miami who owned a video camera that his dreams of being an online TV producer for a shitty site no one reads will have to wait until I trick the WMC that the site isn’t a waste of internet space next year, which turns out to be a pretty hard task because I kinda agree with them.

These are some pictures of Tara Reid on the beach in Miami during the WMC with various men who I can only assume are DJs, club promoters and drug dealers who are in town to support their party lifestyle/industry, because she’s a staple in the club scene internationally and probably won some kind of award for being at the most parties in the last 5 years than any other living human being. I think whatever trophy she got will look good next to her haggard cocaine face, or even next to her old liver she had bronzed after she finally scored that transplant of the liver she stole from 18 year old party girl on Springbreak who she invited back to her room for some exclusive hotel party, at least that’s the only explanation I have for how bitch keeps going.

For someone who has drank a lot everyday for many years, Tara Reid proves to be a pretty articulate drunk. She’s barely slurring her words on the Red Carpet of some event she’s hosting at some shitty Studio 54 club in Vegas that is some kind of novelty take on the original but probably has absolutely nothing in common with it because that’s just how lame rip offs work. I guess the sad part of this interview is that Tara Reid wishes she was old enough to party at the original Studio 54 because that was the heyday for glamorous partying and now everyone seems to be doin’ the club thing and it’s about as exclusive as Paris Hilton’s vagina, which has proven to not be very exclusive at all.

I am hungover, I drank a lot for Jesus and his resurrection, while after peaking and being convinced I had alcohol poisoning while laying on the bathroom floor of the seedy bar I go to, I decided to resurrect myself and do a few more shots of whiskey and try to sexually harass a few more women, like some kind of son of god on Easter weekend but the way cooler version.

Either way, watch the video.

I wonder what the Cancun Airport smells like when the Spring Break week is over and all the college whores head back to their normal lives. I am thinking like stale beer, cigarettes, cum and aids….a lot like Tara Reid’s vagina.

These are some pictures of our All American Sweetheart arriving in LA after her Cancun party weekend, reliving the last 10 years of her life, since she’s always on fuckin’ Spring Break all year round and she doesn’t even go to school or work because spring break is her job. The bad news is that shit is catching up to her as her face slowly falls off her body…the good news is that all those fees she charges to show up to your party can cover the cost of plastic surgery. I say she’s got another solid 10 years in her before she’s gotta hang up the bikini and sleep it off because this bitch is stamina.

Sure Tara Reid never went to college, but she played enough roles in movies as the all-american college girl, and that’s probably just as good of an education as American colleges offer. Reality is that half the population already think she’s some college graduate because they saw it happen on screen and to them that is reality because no one has ever taught them the difference between real or fake. This are the same people who are taping pictures of their favorite stars to their pocket pussies and bringing them home to meet their parents when their mom’s bug them enough to finally meet their girlfriends…..

Reality is that Tara Reid doesn’t need an education, she has more money than most people who work all their lives and she has the luxury of living the college party girl until she dies of alcohol poisoning at 40 and here she is in her early 30s rockin’ out in Cancun during Spring Break like she was 18. Sure she’s not flashing her tits, or eating pussy on stage like the other college girls but she’s a seasoned veteran there to offer support to the fresh meat on their first encounter with STDs from multiple sex partners in any given day because she’s already been there and done that. The good news is that she’s not a fat mid western wreck like most Cancun party goers, so here she is in a bikini sobering up before the big nights she has ahead of her hosting Middle Aged Women Gone Wild…because that’s pretty much what she is and that’s why I want to see her naked.

These are some pictures of Tara Reid from this past weekend, I think it’s safe to say that she’s drunk and lookin’ her age as her face slowly falls off her face as fast as the cocaine got sucked up her nose off the club’s toilet seat for the last 10 years.

I know when I am drunk I don’t really look my best, actually in my mind I do but when the pictures surface and I’ve sobered up a bit, I realize that I actually look like a greasy rapist on some kind of rapist mission to creep out every single girl I cross paths with.

Either way, she reminds me of some kind of office Christmas party gone wrong , which is fine when it is your office Christmas party and it only goes down once a year and she’s the receptionist you’ve wanted to shove your dick inside the last 9 months she’s been working there, but it isn’t a very good look to be hustling every fuckin’ weekend when you’re old enough to be a soccer mom. At one time she was the all american poster girl for College Spring Break parties and now she’s working on being the poster girl for why you gotta stop partying so hard after college because it will rape you harder than the frat boy did that night he took you on a date and slipped roofies in your drink…you can’t hate him though…at least he took you out for pizza and a movie first.

Here are some pictures of Tara Reid dressed like a Golden Academy Award because we’re all allowed to have dreams and if you can’t win one, you might as well be one. She’s at some She’s all socially conscious at some Live Earth event and I’m not talking about knowing where the next big party is or what time she’s meeting her friends for more drinks at the exclusive after-party like the socially conscious party sluts I know, I mean doing good for the environment by promoting the Smart Car for some Live Earth event that she is probably getting paid to do because the only Live Earth Tara Reid knows is a shot she once had at a college Frat party in Mexico during Spring Break that lead to her getting gang banged….

I am a fan of the fake tan, but I am also the kind of guy who only interacts with strippers and considers spending an afternoon in the waiting room of a Tanning Salon a good time because I get to see the cheesy bitches outside of their club elements. I am also a fan of Lionel Richie and all thing trying to emulate him.

To be fair, Tara Reid spends most of her time in the dark, where trying to figure out how much is too much especially when all the girls around you are more orange than you are because having a glowing face igets you noticed, not to mention she was probably wasted when she did her make up, and I know that whenever I am wasted and end up putting on my wife’s make-up to cater to her lesbian fantasies, I always end up lookin like a 300 pound tranny who just got punched in the face by a group of preschool finger painters….

When I look at Tara Reid, I am reminded of myself. Not because I am a skinny little blonde chick with fake tits, but I wish I was, because I’d never stop trying to get into my pants, but because I am an alcoholic and respect people with the same life goals as me, that don’t involve having a respectable career and making money for the luxury life, but taking what you can get and making money to just get fucked up. Now my drinking budget is a lot more pathetic than hers and usually leaves me in the gutter blinded from drinking rubbing alcohol all night, while she’s out touring different cities in the World at the hottest parties but the foundation of what we do is the same and when blinded by rubbing alcohol you’re really in no position to be rockin’ the hottest parties anywhere but inside your heads.

Speaking of hallucinating, I had serious alcohol withdrawal after a few days of binge drinking, it was the first time it had happened to me in years but I’ve been goin’ hard lately because I have bad friends who think it’s funny to get me drunk and destructive and I was raised to never turn down a free shot of anything. So the withdrawal hit was because I didn’t have any money to get more drink in me and because I’m damaged fuckin’ goods and my brain and body can’t deal with alcohol anymore. It basically involved me laying in bed next to my furnace of a wife which is convenient since it’s winter, so she’s good for something, staring at the ceiling shaking and convulsing and having visions of a young slut bouncing on my dick which was alright until I found out she had AIDS.

Speaking of AIDS, Here’s Tara Reid drifting into full blown, if you know what I mean, if you don’t just look at them legs. I guess the party’s gotta stop sometime.

Here are some pictures of Tara Reid showing up an hour late for work in Vancouver probably from a late night drinking. I am running late today too and it’s probably for the same reason. Based on what she’s wearing, you’d think she was showing up for the afternoon shift at the strip club and not showing up to some movie set.

I used to park outside the strip club back when I had a driver’s license and my neighbor’s car keys, before getting charged with a DUI and losing that shit and leaving my neighbor’s shit box on the side of the highway, and all the daytime strippers would show up like this. They’d be wearing their club slut coat, with track pants and a haggard face from an abusive night before, only to get inside and take the shit off for a dude who pays them 10 dollars a song, which rarely happened because it was the afternoon shift. I guess there are a lot of similarities between Tara Reid’s career and an afternoon stripper, because makin’ money rarely happens which is too bad because she still owes money on her implants she bought on credit.

Either way, I am not a fashionable person. I don’t know what’s right and what’s wrong and I generally don’t give a fuck about what a girl is wearing, I am more into what a girl isn’t wearing and how I am going to get them to take off whatever they are wearing to do a little dance for me. But that’s just because I love dancing.

People who like to get wasted get a lot of slack. I have been told over and over in my life that I get drunk because I have a void to fill and I try to tell people that that void is the fact that I am not drunk. It’s got nothing to do with hating myself and trying to forget my problems, because that shit follows me wherever I go and no matter how fucked up I get, what it does have to do with is that being drunk is fun and the chicks are easy, they get wild and show me their tits and let me watch them shower and shit which sober girls only do once you charm them and as a person with no charisma, charming isn’t much of an option. So getting drunk is fun and allows us to live out all the fantasies we want to live out because sober is too fuckin’ dull and that’s all there is to it.

The real degenerates in the world are the people who pretend they aren’t degenerates. The people who rock the 9-5 middle management job to put food on the table for a family they resent. Or the guy who married his highschool sweetheart or some chick because his parents approved of her, or the person who was a great artist growing up but decided to pursue a Law Degree because that’s what their family wanted, or the person who got married to a woman he hates out of fear of loneliness, and every chance he gets he goes across the street to fuck the neighbor or maybe even beats her up emotionally or physicially because he hates her or maybe the guy who has a high powered job but jerks off to teenage boys playing soccer but since he lives in a good house, he’s gotta be ok. Or the dude who feels inadequate because all his neighbors have BMWs so he goes so deep in debt to maintain his image that he ends up killing himself, or even the rich parents who are too busy being self absorbed or making money to raise their kids proper, so they give them an immigrant nanny to boss around and treat like shit at a young age and carry that asshole attitude into adulthood but have a credit card to get whatever they want so they are going to be okay, even if daddy was too busy working to give them the time of day and mommy was too busy fucking her tennis pro or getting her hair done. Superficial, Materialistic, status hungry assholes are the fucking trash of the world, people just don’t realize it because they have money and seem to have it together…but we all have fucking demons.

So the real degenerates in the world are the fuckers who don’t think they are degenerates because they have money or jobs or are living by the boundaries society has set for them. Bars and clubs are made for partying and partying is never a bad thing because it’s a fucking celebration and even if it kills you, because you know what, everything out there kills you and you might as well have it happen when wasted, because it will hurt less.

Either way, Tara Reid is a party slut and despite having no respect for party sluts, I do still love them because without them so many fun things wouldn’t go down and here she defends her party ways while dissing Lohan, because we all know alcoholics are all about excuses because it was a friends birthday and I had a rough day at work and I only had 3 drinks.

So you did do a lot of partying?
Everyone does, but you’ll never read a story about me going out and partying when I’m supposed to be working, showing up on a set drunk or missing a day, never. But when I’m not working why shouldn’t I have fun? Am I supposed to stay at home and live in a cage? I like to have fun and have people around me. I think the reason I never ended up in as much trouble as Paris or Lindsay [Lohan] is that I’m not stupid, so I’d never do a lot of the things those girls do, and I’ve always had good friends around me.

So they are stupid?
Yeah. Like, Lindsay makes $15 million a movie, so why doesn’t she have a driver? I don’t get it. If you get drunk, that’s fine, but don’t drive. They need to straighten up a little bit and make better investments. And they should surround themselves with better people who don’t let them get themselves in trouble.

Are you friends with Paris, Lindsay or Britney?

No, I’m older than them. I know them all, but I don’t hang out with them.

Since it’s Sunday and I am supposed to be in the gutter somewhere, I decided to let Julien the resident gay blogger hit up the site with a post, because otherwise I wouldn’t bother. I pretty much hate the computer and just walked down the street seeing black spots because of it, or at least I say it’s because of it, but it is probably AIDS, Liver Failure, Syphilis or any other exciting debilitating disease fat ouytof shape unhealthy drunken chain smokers get.

Speaking of AIDS, here’s Julien’s post, since it is the Gay disease after all.

I think the last thing that this site needs is photos of Tara Reid looking like a drunken whore, but here are some photos of Tera in London wearing a see-through kimono type-thingy. She looks like she is in a burlesque production of Madame Butterfly or some shit.

Anyway, you can almost see her busted tits, so I figured that the three prepubescent boys who read this site will be all over it. I love how she tries to class things up a little, you know going out and getting shit-faced in London instead of LA. What the hell is she even doing outside of California. It’s not like she’s filming the new Indiana Jones movie or something…it’s not likely that she’ll ever film a new movie.

It’s good to see ol’ Puff-face out and about again, you know with Lindsay in rehab, Brit all concerned with her kids and Paris apparently acting like a saint, I was afraid that the older generation of party whores would have to step down and make way for Hayden and company. But it’s nice to see Tara being the drunken workhorse that she is. She’s like a Ford truck, an American institution.

-Smooch!
Julien

If I hated gay people as much as I pretend to, I’d never let one write for me, so all you gay activists reading don’t send me hate mail about AIDS being a gay disease. It’s a proven fact that it is. I am just in shock that Julien didn’t talk about the fag that Tara is getting fucked up with. I guess it really doesn’t matter….Here are the pics.