I’ve been sitting on this whore post for a few days, because it involves maybe outing a celebrity, and I’m pretty sure Jesus’ legal team consists of himself and a homeless guy he dresses up in suit he stole from the Thrift Shop. So when we get to the juice, I’m gonna treat this as a Blind Item.

Last week me and Dutch friend went from bar to bar rubbing up against losers for drinks as they drooled over our tits, then we would split. We finally landed at a rooftop bar where these Spanish cunts were all to happy to foot the bill. I got the short one with a shaved head (free drinks, bottom line) who claimed he was an architect. Shaved Head kept pointing to this ridiculous building he worshipped, a glass eyesore i call ‘the place where cubicles go to die.’ Dutch friend got the hotter metrosexual.

The conversation rolled around to me talking about Cruise’s gay rumors, because fucking and celebrities are my life. If only I could combine the two… Suddenly Shaved Head gets coy, saying his fag-model friend blows some huge actor. He won’t tell. I move in closer, put my hand on his chest, make a guess. I press my body up against his, guess. I nibble his ear, guess. I teasingly kiss the side of his mouth, guess. I snake my hand down to his crotch, stroke it, guess. Shit I am FRUSTRATED. So I just lay one long, wild kiss on this bitch and graze his tonsels with my tongue. He spills it. Let’s just say this allegedly “likes being sucked off by gay Spanish models” actor got his start alongside very vocal fastfood and likes canines.

NOW, I think Shaved Head is a liar for the following reasons: 1) I checked every board and there’s never been a gay rumor about this actor, 2) I named every hot piece in Hollywood so Shaved Head had to think of someone after i raped his face, 3) guys will invent anything to plow your pussy, and 4) this actor is a womanizer and has dated many non-beard, hot actresses.

My take: who gives a shit anyway, a blow is a blow, it’s all just mouth and penis. And I worship this legend either way…. The night ends with the Spanish cunts dragging us to some bar they promise has sangria. We stop at traffic lights for heavy petting and sucking face. We get there and the bar is closed, but suspiciously near his apartment. Me and Dutch friend decline because they weren’t hot or fun enough to slam, and we weren’t getting anymore free drinks out of these bastards.

Now you know I love gossip, and i know you have naughty school girl fantasies. So here is Blake Lively (”…Traveling Pants”) and Taylor Momsen (?) looking oh-so Catholic school on the set of the new flick “Gossip Girls.” Based on these pics, I imagine their characters are pretty slutty. So you Canadians can beat off to both Taylor and Blake, since they are both of age in your country. Americans, you’re only allowed to pleasure yourself with Blake because she is the only one legal in this country. But that never stoped you with Hayden Panetierre.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

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