Katie Lohman is some kind of actress and I don’t know whether she has been in Playboy but I assume that’s the next step for her because it looks like up until this point, her biggest movie role was in a National Lampoon straight to video movie called Dorm Daze. I just read her bio and the biggest mistake of her career was that her mother didn’t let her join the Mickey Mouse Club show that she got casted for because her mother thought it would be more important to get a shitty high school education at a public school instead of one by the very same tutors who made Britney Spears the academic that she is. The reality is that she would have been lined up with Timberlake, Aguilera and all the other Mickey Mouse club trash with a lot of money, instead of struggling for attention in a bikini at some charity event last week. I guess who really cares, but it’s one of those opportunities Eminem told me about in the movie 8 mile and I guess a desperate girl is a lot more appealing than an established one, like just the other day I got to talking to some hot slut who just had her phone and purse stolen and was crying and she hugged me in her moment of despair and as her firm tits pressed against me, I realized that I could have totally banged her, so next week’s goal is to try to steal as many purses as fucking possible from as many hot chicks as possible only to move in on them like the shark that I wish I was. Next week’s reality is that I will be here sitting on the shit smelling couch like I always do, but I think it’s nice to dream sometimes.

If you’re wondering why it took me so long to update the site, it is is simple, my wife has been trying to have sex with me for the last 15 hours and I’ve been awake and trying to avoid it as best as I can.

Bitch is going through menopause, which for any average man, would mean he doesn’t have to bang his old withered vagina of a wife anymore and you’d think that now we can grow old together watching shows like Murder She Wrote or whatever the fuck menopausal people do.

Unfortunately for me, my wife is a greasy fat fuck and no matter how dried up she gets in theory, her body is always clammy or slippery to touch. Not to mention her vagina is so big you could store a pair of winter boots in there to warm them up and she wouldn’t even know, making her pretty easy to stick it in under all circumstances, so it turns out that even Menopause hates me.

Here are some pictures of the original big breasted UK Galmor model, Samantha Fox, the one who paved the way for people like Jordan and Abi Titmuss and all the other useless UK slags you’ve been jerking off to. She showed her tits in the 80s and I jerked off to them and now she’s menopausal and giving away her bra to charity because she doesn’t need it anymore, she’s upgraded to one of those skin color harnesses they only sell to elderly women at Sears….I guess to be fair she’s not that old….she just looks it….and that won’t stop you..

Here’s a joke that writes itself, here are pictures of Paris Hilton at a Benefit event for The Foundation of AIDS Research. She’s either the keynote speaker who is going to talk about how all the unprotected sex she’s had has only lead to herpes, so AIDS doesn’t exist, because she’s had lots of unprotected sex with lots of people or maybe she’s there to invest in finding a cure because it does exist and it’s living in her underwear…if she’s even wearing any….that whore.

I could got the racist route and start making jokes about the dude in the turban because American’s assume that anyone with dark skin and a turban is a terrorist, but I am not going to do that, because I am a man of the people and as a man of the people, that mean’s I respect all types of crazy religions, even the Jews. This dude isn’t even an Arab, he’s Indian and people from India don’t suicide bomb, they just make a lot of fucking babies, like gold and lavish palaces and produce all the Bollywood movies you’ve never heard of, they even own the convenience store down the street from me and never give me fucking deals on cigars and also own the Indian restaurant that has an all you can eat Buffet that my wife can’t get enough of, literally…I hate when people do that, but we have been asked to never come back and if we do they are going to charge her for 2 people.

That said, this is Petra Nemcova at some Czech charity event for kids, obviously not dressed slutty enough for me or for the poor communist boys that are used to seeing the old haggard lady named Olga who serves them rationed porridge everyday and who are forced to jerk off to old contraband playboy magazines that were smuggled in the country in the 70s during the Cold War….but I guess she doesn’t really care about the kids, this is obviously more of a publicity stunt for her and her home country…

Yes…I know that the Czech Republic produces some of the dirtiest porn out there, I know eastern europeans aren’t circus performers who teach bears to balance on balls, or gypsy’s trying to read my fortune, or are too busy waiting in line for bread anymore but there isn’t much of a post without the communist jokes that sucked.

Either way, we can all learn a lesson from these people, it’s like fucking Sesame Street and the next time you see an ethnic person, and by ethnic I mean anyone who isn’t your kind, give them a fucking hug, or give them the Nemcova heart hand gesture. I am sure it will go over really well. Especially if you do it in the ghetto part of town…Cuddles…

Eva Longoria is one of those socially conscious celebrities who goes to charity events out of the kindness of her heart and not for publicity because she cares about the world and using her “reach” as a celebrity to make a difference, so who am I to not post the pictures of the event where she played some charity volleyball to bring awareness to whatever the fuck the cause is while showing off her ass.

I am hungover and can barely focus on the screen, so I see is her ass and even though that is the real reason I am posting these, I do think she should be an example to other celebrities on how to make a difference in the world, while still showing her ass.

I guess what it all comes down to is that I am a charitable cause that people should start donating to….