I thought that Tila Tequila was a tacky, trashy, cheap lookin’ whore who only got famous because of a fake set of tits and a slutty myspace page. I thought she was some identity crisis immigrant trying to fit into America by taking on their customs and raping them, by getting tattoos to help convince us that she’s a tacky, trashy, cheap lookin’ partyslut who belongs here, but that was before I realized that shit read “C’est la Vie” in French, throwing my theory that she is trash in the trash, because everyone knows that anyone with a foreign language on their tattoos comes from a cultured, rich and educated background or some d-list lesbian try hard.. Either way, she’s barely showing off some nipple and my post didn’t work out how I planned, but I did meet a girl who has been fucking Pauly Shore for the last few months, just because he is semi-famous and I laughed in her face because dude is Pauly fucking Shore and he may be known, but is still a pathetic existence and a joke of a person, but she wasn’t havin’ it, his d-list fame was enough to get her panties off and in hindsight, I should have done an interview with her about the sex, instead of making her hate me for laughing at her, but who fuckin’ cares, here’s Tila.

Everyone hates on Shauna Sand for being a tacky bitch, but what I know is that despite dressing like a cheap hooker with the name Gary tattooed on her ass, she still manages to keep her composure. She just comes from a school of thought where fake hair, fake tits and skinny everything else is a good thing, and in her defense her career is solely based on the younger version of this look, so like a dog being rewarded a dog treat for doing a trick, Shauna Sand keeps bringing this back out because it is her trick and we’ve all rewarded her for it. The sad thing is that she keeps shit classy by not releasing sex tapes, by never being rude and by always taking the time to clean herself up and despite it not being something you’d want to see your mom wearing, it is something you’d want a slut you bring home to fuck to be wearing and you can’t forget that. Like I can’t forget the time I was forced to hang out with 2 trashy chicks from Michigan at some resort town’s public pool and they were cussin’ and spitting and scratching themselves in disgusting places I wanted to smell and one of them got so drunk she shit herself in the pool and laughed it off despite popular belief amongst trash, shitting in a public pool is not socially acceptable, it is not a value pack sized toilet that you buy at Costco and it is not considered keeping your composure and there is not a chapter is Emily Post’s Book of Etiquette sountil I see Shauna Sand covered in feces, I’m stickin’ to this whole classy angle.

Here are some pictures of Tila Tequila simulating some flasher in an overcoat flash but a little less exciting because she’s wearing clothes and clothes, no matter how sleazy generally take away from a good flash.

The thing I like about Tila Tequila is that she’s some kind of serial cock tease party slut. The kind of girl who goes out every night and gets wasted, makes out with guys and girls and dances on speakers simulating getting fucked doggy style by her friends, but never actually puts out. She’s one of those people who you call a slut but isn’t one and she just has a good time putting on a show and I have a good time watching that show.

The other thing I like about her is that she has proves that being an internet slut pays. She has no business being famous, she is just a slut with a dream who hustled Myspace properly and is now living the life proving that the internet isn’t a waste of time for sluts, and that means you should send me pictures of you if you’re a slut because I’ll make you famous and because I love sluts. Cuddles.