I had to go to the vagina doctor with my wife. I didn’t really understand why, because she needs more of an exterminator than a doctor for that shit, you know it’s like it’s been left to fend for itself for too long that the fucking thing is no longer a medical issue and more one of pest control, but being the nice guy that I am, I went with her.

The radio was on in the waiting room and I was forced to listen to an hour of Christmas songs. From Bing Crosby, Elvis, Perry Como and it even went into some of the newer shit, that came a solid month too early for my cold dead heart, so I asked the bitch at the desk to put on something a little less annoying and offensive and she told me to sit down and turned up the fucking volume. I was a little surprised that such a big cunt worked at a vagina doctor, but I guess it was fitting.

Speaking of fitting, it looks like Claudia Schiffer’s teeth are trying to escape that clown mouth of hers, she probably regrets leaving David Copperfield back in her prime, when she didn’t need his services, because motherfucker could have sorted that shit out for her, I mean he did walk through the great wall of China and he did make the Statue of Liberty disappear, meaning he has what it takes to make her beauty not disappear, but I guess she’ll just have to go to a plastic surgeon like the rest of the supermodels who aren’t super anymore, but who want to be super, because it is all their know, and their whole contribution to the world and self-worth is based on their beauty, and now that it’s gone, they’re left not knowing what to do with themselves….and in Claudia Schiffer’s case, that personal conflict has made her forget her teeth bleaching treatment while trying to figure out her next step..

The good news is that if she chooses to not go through with the surgery, she can always take this look to the local hospital to Patch Adams that shit for sick kids, I hear it’s rewarding.

On a side note, part of me has died today….

I saw these pictures and wasn’t going to bother posting them, because they are dull as shit, but the joke in them is that she’s at a Cirque du Soleil event dressed like a fucking circus performer, but not the kind you’d actually see at Cirque du Soleil doing their crazy acrobatic dances that you find absolutely breathtaking because you’re a homo, or the kind you’d find in some freakshow, even though she’s tall as fuck, but because her hipster lesbian shoes look a lot like something her Polish grandmother probably wore in the 30’s where she picked up juggling and joined a traveling carnival. The same juggling skills she used to impress the the Nazis so they wouldn’t kill her, allowing her to come to America allowing Leelee to have such a prosperous career or some shit.

But I am just guessing here….me and Leelee aren’t as tight as her obnoxious tights, so I don’t know the real story, but I do know she’s got stupid fuckin’ shoes and that’s all that matters to me while dying on my computer today, even though I think I may still be drunk…and I love being drunk…

I always thought Bai Ling was a clown. She pretty much has no career other than attending events to expose her massive nipples and maybe being in Playboy and a few shitty movies, but now I am happy to see her going back to what she was always destined to be while wearing the stupidest outfit I have probably ever seen. I was wondering whether she showed up to the event in a Volkswagen Bug with 15 of her clown friends and stepped out juggling and doing cartwheels, I guess I will never know since I don’t get invited to all the high profile shit she gets invited to like Jaime Pressly’s Spring/Summer 2008 J’aime Collection…right…

I remember I worked as a clown for about a week. It was one of those things that happens when you have no money and want to get fucked up and decide to randomly apply for jobs to see what comes from it. They expected me to attend events at the mall and birthday parties and other low quality events people hire shitty clowns to attend. I only made it out to one job after the week of training on how to make animals out of balloons in some warehouse, they had an open bar set up and I naturally assumed that those were the benefits of the job since they weren’t offering health insurance and were only paying 10 dollars an hour. I ended up wasted within 20 minutes, grabbing the kids mom’s ass within 30 minutes and throwing up on a kid within the hour. I was fired and never got paid because of damages, but it made for a good sunday afternoon. It is the day of Jesus after all.

Lisa Rinna hasn’t done much since Melrose Place. If you are wondering why I know she was on Melrose Place, it’s because I keep track of all celebrities or semi-celebrities with big tits and a ton of plastic surgery, it’s kind of a hobbie. I also used to do pretty hard drugs in 1996 that left me on various couches with a group of people who were in love with the show and followed it like it was a fucking cult. I think one guy even got the shit tattooed on his back or something because he was crazy and thought he was living in the show but that’s not important.

What is important is seeing a bitch pick herself up from the depths of getting no work, and realize her place in society and that is being a clown at birthday parties. Here are some pictures of her in action but not in costume because if she gave the whole act away, no one would want to hire her.

I am really only posting these because her nipples are hard, she’s wet and she’s more flexible than my wife, which isn’t saying much, I think the Fridge is more flexible than her because it opens. I guess she’s just had nothing better to do than work out the last 11 years…