So the guy behind Von Dutch and Ed Hardy, Christian Audigier has a 16 year old daughter who he neglects and he tried to make up for his absence by throwing her some really over the top birthday party that featured performances by T.I. and The Pussy Cat Dolls, who were introduced by Perez Hilton. Other people in attendance were cheesy coke party slut Paris Hilton and her sister Nicky and some Kardashian.

When they brought her down to get her gift she was surprised by not 1 but 2 cars, because at 16, you need really need 2 fucking cars. I guess that goes to prove that Ed Hardy hasn’t just ruined my life, but it has ruined the life of this little broken down girl who you will see a lot of in the party scene over the next 10 years, but that’s just because daddy’s feeding her money and letting her in on some of his cocaine stash, while every cheesy person in the world and stripper alike are going to be suckin’ her dick, because to an Ed Hardy collector, this Crystal bitch is better than the 900 dollar t-shirt they bought last week.

The highlight of the video is when someone screams “I saw your porno” to Paris Hilton. I wish that person was me. Totally over the fuckin’ top and the whole thing is disgusting to me, the outcome of all this, probably won’t be, because I like seeing people fall from the top because their daddy wasn’t around. It’s pretty much the reason behind 95% of the times I’ve got laid and 95% of the porn I’ve jerked off to….Good times.

Now I may not be one to give parenting advice, because I am the kind of guy who encourages my stepdaughters to fuck, as long as they videotape it for me to critique, but this kind of excess is fucking child abuse. If I was the richest Nouveau Riche man in the world, who huffed lots of blow, fucked lots of hoes and believed that spending all my money on trash made sense, I still would never spoil my kid like that, not because I hate them for ruining my life, but because I know this kind of behavior fucks them up and no good comes from it, but I guess when you’re the guy who conceived Ed Hardy, no good is all you know….