Whitney Port is some whore from The Hills and here she is in a dress that reminds me a little too much of the curtains my wife brought home from the Salvation Army because she was annoyed of the garbage bags I had taped to the window for the last few years. The least the photographer could have done to make these pictures a little more post worthy is accidentally drop his keys near her and discreetly bend down to pick them up to see if people from The Hills actually have genitals, or if they are just some kind of robots created by MTV. You know, get a shot of Whitney Port in Curtains Showing Off Her Beef Curtains or some shit….

The truth is whenever I try that kind of shit, I always get busted and never end up getting a glimpse of what I set out to see, because girls tend to scream loud when they see you on all fours with your head angled to see up their fucking skirts. The whole this is really inconsiderate to my needs and make me look like I am some kind of pervert in front of all of my friends in the waiting room at the DMV, doctor’s office, mall, or wherever a short skirt slut leaning over happens to be, when they could just go along with the whole thing and have fun with it by you know, letting me get little something out of it, considering it’s not all that much more revealing than what they wear on the beach, but instead they have these rules and regulations governing who can and can’t look up their skirt. I guess the world’s just not as giving as it should be, even in this Holiday Season and the whole thing makes me think humanity has no hope….