If I was Jay-Z I would have traded Beyonce in for Rihanna a long time ago, not because she’s more talented, but because she’s younger, hotter and more popular right now, but I am shallow like that. The only reason I’m still with the wife is because she’s pays my rent and doesn’t complain when she walks in on me picking my ass and smelling my finger, one of my many habits that doesn’t seem to turn new chicks on.

I guess what it comes down to is that either Jay-Z and Beyonce have an understanding that he’s allowed to slam young tighter bodied girls on the regular, give them a record deal and make them millions because it’s all part of business, while Beyonce sits at home eating fried chicken and writing shitty love song lyrics for her next album, and they stay together because it’s good for publicity for both of them and that is also part of business, or maybe they are emotionally attached to each other and really love each other because Jay-Z’s got his own money and Beyonce made her own money, so they both know they aren’t using each other for much more than sex and companionship.

Either way, I just analyzed a relationship that looks like it belongs in a zoo, not because I am racist and think black people look like monkeys, but because Jay-Z’s got a funny fucking face that looks like a monkey, and even if he was white and had the same face would look like a monkey, so you can stop your allogations right now.