I hate Dita Von Teese and this whole 1940’s burlesque shit. I believe that strippers need to get with the times and turn tricks on the side as they work towards a careen in internet porn, or escorting and not to be celebrated as some kind of sexy artist who gets gigs doing Wonderbra commercials, making them a lot of money while thinking they don’t have to expose their pussies, but can get away with some stupid song and dance. But figure I’ll post it anyway.

Here’s a video that’s surfaced, but is probably from a while ago, of Dita Von Teese dyking out on video with a strap on. I hate Dita Von Teese, she does tame bullshit burlesque shit and looks like a vampire from the 1800s and that makes me feel uncomfortable because all I keep thinking is that bitch doesn’t wash, has the plague and shit’s in a chamber pot in her brothel boudoir or some shit.

I don’t know if this is news because I feel like I’ve seen her pussy before but blocked it out of my mind because I knew she was fucking Marilyn Manson. I remember she did Playboy and was internet famous before her celebrity really hit and now you can watch her rockin a strap on because lesbians may not be cool enough to fuck you, but when they let you watch them go at it, they are are better than all the other girls who don’t fuck you and unfortunately a hell of a lot better lookin than the lesbians I know who want to rip my dick off in some kind of victorious win for women everywhere, but that’s not really saying much because those lesbians are taking male hormones and have hair on their chests and clits the size of a really small penis. True story.

I love girls who love lingerie and it seems like all girls I ever met have huge collections of it, other than drug addicts with no money and who sell or soil their 2 pairs of underwear that they wash in public bathrooms to stay fresh but beyond the addiction love lingerie. Girls tend to have more panty drawers in their dresser than they have dude’s who want to fuck them in their phone and I am all for watching them try on every single piece they own. The shit makes them feel sexy and glamorous and makes me feel like the creep that I am, because I’m watching from the tree in their backyard with a set of binoculars, but I can still make out what’s going down and I am all for that, at least when they are rockin’ it for me and not for some other homeboy.

Jessica Simpson was there lookin hot….because she’s a Christian girl gone bad….and I love those.

Vanessa Hudgens was there researching what to wear next in her sleazy self-shot pictures with Zac Efron who was there pretending he likes women in lingerie when he’s more into wearing it himself cuz he’s gay.

Joanna Krupa was there…..because she actually gets paid to wear lingerie because she is hot….

Dita Von Teese was there….even though no one wants to see her in lingerie…but she is strips down into lingerie every chance she gets….

Kristen Bell was there but I still don’t know who she is….

Amanda Bynes was there showing off her legs

I know seeing a girl who hasn’t got a spray tan or a fake tan or shitty orange skin to match her cheesy 2-tone platinum hair and fake tits is refreshing but I seriously don’t understand why Dita Von Teese has a career.

I know Halloween is a favorite holiday and a great excuse for chicks to dress like whores and party harder than they usually do because they let down all their inhibitions and can pretend that they are whatever they want to be and I get that some people like it so much that they want Halloween to be everyday because sometimes being yourself is scary.

I also know that there’s a whole movement of death obsessed gothic freaks that dress like they are from the 18th century, powder their skin white, only use candles to light their homes, sacrifice animals in their basement while working up to some kind of school shooting after fucking their fat goth girlfriend that always ends in drinking each other’s blood while dressed like Edward Scissor Hands.

But reality is, it’s not hot, Goth is designed for ugly people with no friends to find each other on the internet and build their own goth community of ugly people with no friends. It’s scary and makes me feel uncomfortable and whenever I see a goth or a bitch that looks like Dita Von Teese I wait for them to bust out some kind of Mime routine because they are already in costume and I am all about throwin some quarters at street performers, because I like to give back to the community and I like the way they bounce off their heads and they run after them like that quarter is made of gold, but unfortunately goth’s take themselves so fucking seriously and miming, as gay as it is, makes people smile, and smiling is a sign of happiness and happiness is their devil.

Here’s Dita Von Teese showin’ us how original she is in black and white….