Iliana Fischer is some Playboy model who is on the beach with her only friend because he never judges her for being a slut who gets naked for getting ahead and by ahead I mean make enough money to pay her rent because I’ve never heard of her so that usually means she’s pretty much just a nobody and I surprised she’s even made it into Playboy considering her body is nothing to freak out over. Sure she’s got the fake blonde hair but I’m thinking that t was because some make a wish foundation dream or something.
I like how she’s wearing some kind of University Sweatshirt, it makes her whole bullshit story while working the local strip club pole more believable. Sure you’re going to Med School sweetheart, I’m ok way grabbing your tits in exchange for 10 dollars you can put towards your “tuition” and by tuition I mean up her nose, because you’ve gotta be on drugs to be this kind of women at least that’s what I’ve learned throughout my worldly travels to the local strip club.
I used to hang out at the Airport hoping to find girls who were coming into town for the weekend. I figured it would be the best way to beat all the other locals to their vaginas because you know a group of girls in town for a weekend is going to end up with all of them having sex with at least one person each and being there to greet them was key to my success because I never had much game. I’d see them walking out and I’d run up to them pretending they were a long lost friend who I was there to meet and who I hadn’t seen in a long time. They were always pretty receptive until I’d ask them to get into my van.
In those days girls at airports were never this put together. They would be in workout gear or sweatpants and look tired and unshowered. You know practically in their pajamas, but not the good kind of pajamas, so it’s nice seeing Jessica Simpson lookin’ good at the airport. It’s also nice to see her carrying her dog around like he’s her best friend, because he probably is the only person she lets eat her used tampons or lick her dirty underwear. Dogs have it made and celebrity dogs really have it made, I always wanted to live the life of a dog and I pretty much do. I sit in the house all day and enjoy shitting on sidewalks.
Rihanna is one of those girls who I watch sing and think about how badly I wish she was using my mic for a dick. I mean my dick for a mic. The reason she gets me going is because she is a hot black girl who isn’t all eyes and teeth, she’s like some Caribbean mix from when the white man rape the locals and it looks good. She is the first black girl I ever really wanted to since Aunt Jamima broke my heart. I was really only into her because she was a provider and had big tits and makes good pancakes and owns some kind of empire and I woulda totally be fucking her wallet and living the good life, but then I realized that bitch didn’t exist and was a figment of my imagination fueled by her hot pic on a box in my cupboard, but that doesn’t mean I wasn’t devastated and couldn’t look at another black girl the same until this bitch Rihanna came along.
The funny thing about Rihanna is that she’s carrying this dog around with her everywhere she goes. I am jealous of the fucker because not only does he get to follow her around, see her naked, accidentally sniff her cunt, watch her shit and suck dick and shower and everything you’d want to see her do, but he also gets to lick her dirty panties and eat her used tampons, and there’s nothing more that I want this second than to be Rihanna’s tampon. Sure I am not all absorbent and shit, but I am not good at anything and that doesn’t stop me from trying….see how inspirational I am. If I was you I would totally turn to me for advice because ending up in the gutter isn’t that bad of a place to be as long as you’ve got cheap cigars and some kind of song and dance routine you can take to the street to make money to eat, cuz no one likes a talentless bum….
I just woke up. It is noon. If I was 16 again, my foster mother would be very mad at me. I decided to post these Hayden pictures as a celebration that her dog eats her dirty tampons, provided she can even get her period. I have heard that midgets generally can’t reproduce, and since bitch is built like a midget with her life size head and a scaled down fat chick body, I think it’s safe to assume she can’t either. Her dog also sees her shit, watches her fuck, hears her fart, licks her dirty underwear and maybe even makes messes that she has to clean up just to see her get her hands dirty when the hired help is at home. This dog pretty much owns this bitch and if only he could talk or operate a camera, we’d have much more interesting shit to post.
Either way, she’s got a new boyfriend, I don’t remember his name, he’s probably some poofter riding her celebrity like he was Zac Efron, because pretending to be straight for your career is what people do in Hollywood without realizing that we all know that everyone in hollywood are fags because straight guys are too busy working construction and fucking chicks to care about crying on screen for 1,000,000 dollars.
Here are those pics and I am not going to mention how fucking lame her t-shirt is…or the fact that she thinks she’s Doctor Doolittle, because it’s pretty obvious that the bigger dog is a utility dog she uses to help her out. Otherwise he’d be in more than one picture. He’s like the slave dog she uses to help her get dressed like the midget who lives by me who has no hands who has one just like hers and it helps him open doors, cross streets, get things off high shelves and it keeps him company when no one will talk to him for being a midget with no hands.
