This molely Madonna-lookin whore is some model from Texas who has done work for Victoria’s Secret despite her small tits, and H+M despite the fact that her face is harder than the water in my apartment, I don’t actually know what hard water is, but there was a notice in the lobby of the building saying that we can’t drink the water cuz it’s hard and I was thinkin’ that I live in the ghetto that even the water’s fuckin’ hard, and here I just though it was the kids hustlin meth and not putting up with any shit from nobody who were hard, I probably should compared her face to a shopping cart full of scrap metal that my neighbor uses to pay her rent, but that’s too fuckin’ local, so I guess it doesn’t matter what she looks like, because her dress is good times, next time she should just do it without that whole underwear thing, but that’s just cuz I like seeing everyday pussy, even if it’s on skinny, busted up models.
Here’s rat-faced, bullshit artist, week old kitchen garbage of a person, Audrina Patridge, rockin’ a bikini top under some shitty dress that looks like it was made out of a dead whore’s nightgown or some fat girl’s prom dress. She proves yet again that fake tits don’t make a girl hot. They just just work on horny guys the same way a tranny with huge fake tits works on guys. Shit leads straight dudes into paying for blowjobs just because they have long hair, make up and tits, but the reality is that there’s still no pussy to fuck, it’s pretty fucking gay. That’s not to say she’s a dude, but it is to say that her fake tits, match her fake career, fake life and is just an master of manipulating simple minded horny dudes.
Her name is Jo Champs, at least that’s what I was told in the email that was sent to me with these pictures and I have no idea who she is and either does the internet. She was at some Eddie Murphey movie premiere, so the truth is that she could be anyone since Eddie Murphey movie premieres have a hard time attracting even the most D-List celebrity to attend. They also have a hard enough time selling tickets when it hits regular theaters and on cheap tuesday only 2 dudes can be found watching the shit nationwide and they both work at the theatre and have seen everything else 15 times. The good news for Eddie Murphey is that if he’s lucky horny kids will realize that it’s the movie they’ll probably have the most privacy in when they decide it’s time to lose their virginity before going to college.
I am guessing that the producers of this shit recruited trash through the radio with promises of a glamourous event and this Jo Champs chick took it seriously enough to wear a see through dress that she bought at her local sex shop to show the world her tits and make the most impact she could in her 5 minutes on the red carpet, the best 5 minutes in her life. It turned out she got more positive attention than the movie because no one actually went inside, it’s so bad that even Eddie Murphey didn’t bother attending the event.
Here is Kate Moss in a see-through dress, because she only owns see through clothes, we’ve seen it all before, who gives a fuck about this aged cokehead model I want to fuck and her stupid fucking nipples they are common than white people, more common than taking a shit, more common than you masturbating, even though up until today you thought nothing was more common than you masturbating.
Here is JoJo at Betsy Johnson like this is some kind of publicity stunt that happened 2 years too late, because no one knows who she is anymore, except for maybe a gang of perverts who get off to ex-15 year old popstars. The good news is that she is showing off her black booty in some dress, that bad news is that she doesn’t really have a black booty she just thinks she does, based on the way she used gangster jabber in interviews, or at least the way she used gangster jabby, considering we haven’t heard from her in awhile and it could have just been a phase.
The only thing that confuses me about these pictures is that she is part of the big tit generation, the one that gets their periods at nine and who have big ol’ tits by 12 because of the hormones in their food, but for some reason has no tits but still looks like a fan of eating. Maybe she hasn’t hit that part of puberty yet and for her boyfriend’s sake, lets hope she hasn’t hit the other kind of puberty either cuz their ain’t nothing wrong with having a girl who can’t get pregnant.
She turns 18 this year, so this is less perverted than it seems and remember I am in Canada so 14 is legal, like we’re still in the 1600s and there’s nothing wrong with that…if you’re the kind of guy who can only get dates by buying a girl tickets to the Hannah Montana concert because you know they can’t say no. Pervert.
So I ran into this 19 year old girl I used to finger bang and hang out with in the park because she liked my sense of humor. She’d do dances for me in a leotard and touch her toes on command every time we hung out. I hadn’t seen her in a while but she was with some dude I could tell she was banging. When I asked if she was doing him, she denied it because I guess she didn’t want me knowing how much of a dirty little girl she is because she is convinced that one day I will leave my wife and we will get married even though my dick doesn’t work. Since I am pretty good at knowing what’s up and people are all pretty much all the same I could tell that she was lying about it and that they were actually having sex just by the way they were acting together. For some reason, girls like to think they can pull a fast one and get away with being “naughty” or keeping secrets but it’s always been so fucking obvious to me. I have always been able to tell when a girl cheats on me or when a girl’s been doing dirty things she doesn’t want me to know about. It’s like a sixth sense, without Bruce Willis or that Joel Osmond freak, so I decided to write her an IM saying “i know you’re banging that dude”, not that I care, I just like knowing the truth, like I am the X-Files and her vagina is the paranormal. Either way, she finally admitted it to me and wrote this:
hes like how i am with you, only theres sexual attraction
I just wanted to post it because it really boosted my non-existant self esteem. Speaking of self esteem here are some pictures of Kim Kardashian putting the fat ASS in KardASShian at some premiere, thinking she’s got it goin’ on, because too many people tell her how hot she is, when they should really be telling her she’s just a waste of fucking tits, only she doesn’t realize it yet. The truth may hurt but at least people know where they stand or in my case sit.
The cool thing about drugs is that it turns people in to grey unhealthy lookin’ crazy people. It rapes them from the inside when I can’t. I still woulda slammed Lohan during her dark addiction years that I am pretty sure she’ll be revisiting soon enough because getting fucked and fucked up is a lot more exciting than sitting around doing nothing all day, but these pictures of her lookin’ refreshed in yellow remind of the Lohan I decided to stalk 3 years ago. She still doesn’t know I exist because I am not really good at much, and stalking takes too much fucking work, but if I had followed through on it, I woulda definitely been on Entertainment Tonight.
She looks happier than you’ve ever been in these pics, I was thinking maybe it’s because she rekindled shit with her dad, then I was thinking it was cuz she kicked her addictions, but then I realized that she’s supposed to be getting out in 2 weeks and she can probably taste the cocaine and smell the cum drippin off her chin.
I just got an email from someone from my past who recognized my voice in one of the videos. He told me that he’s been lookin’ for me for 7 years and that I am dead. I think that means I just got a death threat. I’ll let you know how that works out for me….but after lookin at these Lohan the Sunshine of my Life pictures I don’t think anything can go wrong….she’s my guardian angel and by angel I mean she’s my target vagina to lick in my lifetime….we all need to have goals….otherwise what’s the point of livin’….
Here are some pictures of Ashlee Simpson kissing some androgynous Spanish K.D. Lang looking motherfucker. I know it’s the lil ‘mo from Fall Out Boy and I know that they have been together for a while and I fucking hate him. I don’t know if it is because I hate their music or if it is because I hate his rat face or if it is because he’s a little guy who’s always out there acting tough, fighting bouncers and scrapping like a little big man because has his bouncers/body guards who are paid to defend him and hold the fucker he’s going after down, letting him go home feeling like a bigger little big man….
Either way, I saw one of these dudes who tried to fight me with his crew a few months ago. They were mad that I asked one of their baby momma’s for before and after pregnancy vagina shots. It was a serious medical inquiry because I wanted to know what kind of damage was done. It wasn’t to jerk off to, since I can’t jerk off, and it wasn’t to spread around the internet, it was for my own personal library, because most of the pussy I’ve ever seen has been post pregnancy, because single mom’s with drug addiction are easy. So anyway, I see one of the guys alone, walk up to him and say “hey tough guy, what you going to do without your crew” and took a picture of him with the chick I was with’s camera. Either way, when standing alone in the bar, dude was a bigger pussy than I looked like when trying to back out of the fight when they tried to fuck with me and I just left it at that is because I am not 20 anymore, I am fat, slow and lazy and I refuse to fight over shit I say on the internet, because I like to tell people it’s not real life and I know you may take offense to that because it’s the only thing you live for and it’s your only form of interaction, but you’re not an example to anyone, you’re pretty much a loser….but at least I love you….send nudes of chicks.
Here are those Ashlee Simpson and her gay looking boyfriend kissing pics looks like dudes has his hand between her legs, wishing he’d find a cock…
Anna Kournikova is probably the most overrated tennis player of all time. I guess she was a nice addition to the sport because she’s pretty hot, and gave men a real reason to watch tennis, because seeing dykes screaming and grunting while flashing their panties isn’t as hot as some young tight bodied Russian chick. Here she is at some event with some fat chick because I the fat chick makes her look skinnier and prettier by comparison in pictures in Miami.
I was at a party with fat chicks the other night too. It wasn’t a very good party and the only reason I was there was because they were part of some group my wife is involved in, like Eating Anonymous or some shit. So here I am in a room full of fat chicks wanting to shoot myself in the head and all their boyfriends and husbands are there trying to have a good time, you know, drinking away their pain of having a wife that looks the way some of these chicks looked. I know some of the dudes didn’t sign up for this shit, but kids and postpartum depression lead to an emotional eating stay at home wife, but some of the other dudes were socially awkward lanky motherfuckers with no self esteem who got in with these chicks who have been fat all their lives because it’s better than being alone and here I am in a room full of them.
My fear was that an orgy was going to be organized, because swinging with obese chicks is when I decide my life isn’t worth living, even though watching it would have been fucking funny. They ended up just doing a conga line and eating more chips than I had ever seen consumed before, and I didn’t have my camera to bring it to you, but I do have these Kournikova pics which are a hell of a lot more interesting than my life and there is a fat chick who would have been considered skinny at the event I was at, but you can pretend.
You all know the story, I realized that gay bloggers get all the fame and glory on the internet. That girls flock to them and that they can get away with saying a lot ruder and racier shit than I can so asked my stepdaughter to hook up her gay friend for the job, that isn’t really a job, because it doesn’t pay. Since I don’t know where my stepdaughter is and haven’t seen her in a couple of days, I am going to post Julien’s post because having a token gay blogger is going to make me famous…..bitch.
I was trolling around Cragslist the other day, looking through the Causal Encounters section, the M4M section and of course looking through my favorite section, Missed Connections. I go through that one daily to see if anyone has had one for me but so far no luck. I mean what are they going to write “I saw this coked out faggot wearing women’s jeans and a lamae t-shirt riding the bus and I thought he was pretty hot”? I don’t think so.
And yes, I actually own that outfit.
So anyway I was on Craigslist and I saw an advertisement for a sex party that was happening that night. Now, in the gay community, sex parties aren’t that unusual, they pop up on Craigslist from time to time and I had never gone to one, but this was a particularly slow night so I thought what the hell. So, I go to this guy’s house and I enter into the living room where everyone was having sex. The guy had arranged the living room so all the couches were along the sidelines so there was this big open area in the middle. There were a few couples on couches here and there but the main attraction was in the main area. About 8 guys were standing up in the middle of the room fucking each other in one long line. Each guy had his dick in the ass of the guy in front of him. I watch this for about 5 minutes deciding whether or not to jump in there when Kylie Minogue’s cover of “The Locomotion” comes on the stereo and all the guys in the train go wild for it. And I thought to myself “Wow, this too gay even for me.” So I left.
Here are few pics of Kylie dressed up half-way between Amanda Lepore and a kite. Oh and remember while you are jerking off to her cleavage that she had breast cancer. So you should feel really bad about that. Unless that’s what you are into. You sick fuck.
