I realized today that my life is lacking something and that something is a little more Amy Winehouse in a bikini, thank god my dreams were answered, so that I can go on another day like Owen Wilson.

I don’t know what it is about crackheads that are half naked and wet, because it’s something you can see pretty much any downtown strip, but knowing that Winehouse has boatloads of money makes shit a lot more exciting. Poor addicts are played out.

There’s also something exciting about an emaciated crackhead like the fact that their heads look massively huge and I love horses, they are classy and the fact that her uterus is already hanging halfway out her box, all you gotta do is throw your load at her and hope some sticks, if you’re trying to K-Fed her and that’s a lot easier than those frigid bitches with tight pussies and internal reproductive organs…who probably wear underwear and don’t put out.

I just noticed her top is see through, and crackhead nipples are way cooler than any non-crackhead nipple because all you gotta do is wave 5 dollars in front of their noses to get a piece instead of actually having to talk to a slut…Try to prove me wrong asshole.

This bitch is slowly starting to look like Chris Farley before he died of a cocaine overdose. She’s bloated as fuck and her face is hanging off. Her eyes have fucked up yellow bags under them and she looks like she hasn’t slept in days. I have slept with crack whores and I know what to look for. I am just hoping this bitch doesn’t die, because I’d have no one else to stalk…

I was walking down the street today and some drunken homeless guy who looked like Lohan was sitting on a city bench screaming for change from people passing by. He even asked me and I looked more homeless than he did. I think it was because he was wearing some kind of old man hat that made him look like a detective while I was just in my regular jogging pants. Anyway, all motherfucker did was sit there and yell and everyone who walked by him and obviously no one was giving him shit. So I took the asshole aside and told him that if he wanted to make some money, all he needed was some kind of act, whether it be a song or a dance or juggling or anything. If people saw him trying, they’d be more inclined to give him cash. The asshole just spat in my face and I am sure gave me some kind of Hepatitis like I was Pam Anderson, but when I walked by him an hour later, he seemed to take my advice. A group of highschool girls were walking by him and he fully dropped his pants and started jerking off for them. They ran away screaming and even though I thought he went a little too far, I was happy to see him make an effort. I think I felt the joy a teacher experiences when their troubled student graduates highschool. or what a coach feels when his weakest player makes his first goal. It was pretty fucking nice…Unlike these pics of Lohan looking haggard and on the verge of death…But I would still K-Fed her if I was cool enough to be her back-up dancer….

I am a bad celebrity blogger. I just woke up hungover and don’t remember what happened last night. I just checked my email and someone got their hands on the screenshots of Lohan doing blow video and I didn’t care. I am not 100 percent sure how this isn’t staged, because everyone knows that if you’re famous and doing blow on camera it is going to get out on the internet and millions of people will see it. But who knows, maybe the bitch isn’t trying to stage things for her popularity. Cocaine is cool now, it’s like smoking. Everytime I go to a bar and need to take a shit, I am stuck waiting in line for 10 minutes while 3 or 4 guys go in the stall together. As much as I like to think it was some homo bathroom stall anal sex conference, because I am convinced all chachi motherfuckers are faggots, it’s really just time for them to prove how cool and trendy and in style they are amongst friends, huddled around a bag.

I don’t feel like ripping off the pictures from a message board and uploading the shit. I don’t feel like reading up on what is said during the video, I do know that it will be hitting sometime this week and this is just the PR screenshot teaser to get you all excited about the video to come. It’s pretty basic marketing practices…

Read the whole story and see all the screenshots Here (if you care)

She’s a model, and like every good model, she’s all fucked up. I don’t understand the controversy that goes down when a model is outted for being a drug user. The whole point of their lives is to look pretty, make insane money, fuck rockstars and do drugs, with the occassional photoshoot here and there, but who the fuck needs to be sober at a photoshoot - it’s not like you’re a fuckin accountant or some shit. Either way, Penny Lancaster is known for her long British legs, now she can be known for her twisted up thong, the only way I like my thongs. And by like I mean the only kind I know, since all the bitches I get with are usually too drunk to keep anything in order, especially their panties.