This is a nice change of pace because the drunken asshole who can’t make his way out of the bar in Kelly Osbourne’s life is usually the guy guy going home with her because she’s disgusting and you’d have to be wasted to get up in this. The only explanation for anyone sober getting with her would be that they are die hard Sabbath fans and are trying to live out their non-sexual man crush on Ozzy by using his daughter in hopes that it gets serious so that he can change his last name to Osbourne since it’s always been a dream, or dude is just a wallet fucker and wants to ride the fat girl right into the good life. I guess the good news with Kelly Osbourne getting this drunk is that wallet fuckin’ her doesn’t mean you have to actually fuck her, all you have to do is slide into her purse (not her pink purse) and pull the wallet out knowing that she’d have no idea what happened to it when she sobered up the next day. It’s a lot less emotionally abuse of yourself, but to be fair to Kelly, at least she’s got a girl with some kind of skin disorder to take care of her, I guess what they say about fat ugly chick never finding love is all lies.

George Clooney met a cocktail waitress in Vegas and made her his girlfriend and everyone is so fuckin’ shocked that she was some kind of slutty party girl. The way I see it, if any girl moves to Vegas, it’s usually because she’s slutty, likes money and likes partying. So they go to the best city in the USA for that and end up making money some way or another with their tits, whether it’s working the Casino’s in costume, working the clubs as GoGo dancers or being some kind of escort to high profile rich guys who are on a weekend getaway from their wives. It turns out that Sarah Larson was paid to get drunk and slutty by a club as some kind of entertainment for their guests and here are the pictures.

People may be criticizing Clooney for dating this kind of trash, but when you are in your 40s, are accomplished in your career and have all the money in the world, it’s like a breath of fresh air to meet a young, energetic party girl who likes to fuck. She doesn’t want to go back to her old lifestyle and wants to keep dude happy so that he keeps paying her to be his own personal party slut and that’s a better life than what she was living for tons of random dudes who would just leave her in Vegas when they were done with her and had to go back to their middle managment lives after their spent their 10,000 dollar weekend party budget. So what that means is that she will suck Clooney off wheever he wants her to, and there’s really not much better than that when you’ve already made it.

If I was Clooney, the last thing I’d want is a high maintenance, whining actress who is too obsessed with her own stresses and career and money to get on all fours by my pool at my Villa in Italy forcing me to bang every other slut I meet behind her back, because despite that being more fun, it’s not a healthy way of life and comes with a whole other barrel of problems, so you might as well just lock down a slut to begin with because you know bitch isn’t going anywhere. Not to mention, she’s got a pretty hot ass, especially when crawling all up on her friend while her pussy lip is hanging out.

For someone who has drank a lot everyday for many years, Tara Reid proves to be a pretty articulate drunk. She’s barely slurring her words on the Red Carpet of some event she’s hosting at some shitty Studio 54 club in Vegas that is some kind of novelty take on the original but probably has absolutely nothing in common with it because that’s just how lame rip offs work. I guess the sad part of this interview is that Tara Reid wishes she was old enough to party at the original Studio 54 because that was the heyday for glamorous partying and now everyone seems to be doin’ the club thing and it’s about as exclusive as Paris Hilton’s vagina, which has proven to not be very exclusive at all.

I am hungover, I drank a lot for Jesus and his resurrection, while after peaking and being convinced I had alcohol poisoning while laying on the bathroom floor of the seedy bar I go to, I decided to resurrect myself and do a few more shots of whiskey and try to sexually harass a few more women, like some kind of son of god on Easter weekend but the way cooler version.

Either way, watch the video.

These are some pictures of Tara Reid from this past weekend, I think it’s safe to say that she’s drunk and lookin’ her age as her face slowly falls off her face as fast as the cocaine got sucked up her nose off the club’s toilet seat for the last 10 years.

I know when I am drunk I don’t really look my best, actually in my mind I do but when the pictures surface and I’ve sobered up a bit, I realize that I actually look like a greasy rapist on some kind of rapist mission to creep out every single girl I cross paths with.

Either way, she reminds me of some kind of office Christmas party gone wrong , which is fine when it is your office Christmas party and it only goes down once a year and she’s the receptionist you’ve wanted to shove your dick inside the last 9 months she’s been working there, but it isn’t a very good look to be hustling every fuckin’ weekend when you’re old enough to be a soccer mom. At one time she was the all american poster girl for College Spring Break parties and now she’s working on being the poster girl for why you gotta stop partying so hard after college because it will rape you harder than the frat boy did that night he took you on a date and slipped roofies in your drink…you can’t hate him though…at least he took you out for pizza and a movie first.

Gary Busey is pretty funny and doesn’t really take shit from anyone. This is a video of him freaking out about Paris Hilton being a piece of shit at some 11 year old girl interviewing him. I guess he doesn’t realize that this isn’t a movie set, or maybe that she’s not an adult or maybe he knows that 11 year olds are just scheming little pricks with no sense of what is morally right or wrong, they are just lookin’ for a laugh. Sure, they’ve got their cute pigtails and little innocent smiles on their cute little faces while singing and dancing to a Miley Cyrus song to their stuffed animals on the surface, but you know they are smarter than that and are plotting ways to humiliate you in front of your friends at a dinner party by telling everyone you touched her inappropriately, because she saw it on TV and thought it would be funny to recreate in real life, leading to you getting arrested and losing your life as you knew it when you never even did anything wrong, girl just thinks life is a fuckin’ movie.

It looks like Gary Busey is lost on the movie set too and everyone makes fun of Busey for being insane, but whatever he’s on, it looks like a good time. I read he got brain damage in a motorcycle accident and that’s too bad because it’s not an easy high too simulate and the last time I tried, I lost function of my bowels. It smells a lot worse than freakin’ out at 11 year old troublemakers.

Here’s a video from the weekend of a drunk Lohan leaving the club every famous slut goes to now, called Villa. Now despite giving Villa free publicity on my site, I can guarantee that those cocksuckers still won’t let me in, because I look homeless and those kinds of places don’t like guys like me.

I accidentally followed one of my friends from the park to one of these chachi motherfucker clubs this past weekend, I guess me and Lohan and every single cheesy fucking person under 25 are connected at the soul or some shit.

Either way, we get to this club where there’s a line up of ethnic dudes with trendy mohawks and deliberately ripped jeans, speaking in “bro” and who start giving me dirty looks because I am wearing ripped jeans because I can’t afford un-ripped jeans and I have long ratty hair and I’m pushing 40.

My friend’s cousin turns out to be some bottle whore who is fucking the owner and invited him up to the VIP room, so we get escorted up to a space with about 15 lame dudes and 5 bottles to go with 5 sluts in low cut shirts. I end up drinking off the bottle for free because that’s all I can afford, despite knowing every sip is pissing these assholes off. I try chatting up one of the tits on one of the girls and eventually a fight breaks out between the dudes because with a 3 to 1 ratio, things can get heated with booze while nearing the end of the night. I know that if I spent 1000 dollars on bottles, I’d expect 4 girls on my dick at the end of the night, when these guys just had each other and were mad and ended up kicking their bro in the face while he was down on the ground in his white button up shirt….I’m talking 4 dudes kicking 1 dude then the 1 dude gets up, brushes himself off and goes back to drinking like nothing fuckin’ happened. I guess it’s the bro way….

I decided that after witnessing a bro-fight and all it’s gayness and despite drinking for free, it was my time to go but like Lohan I didn’t need help getting into the car, I just needed help getting my soul back….

This was just emailed into me and I decided to give them a post because I fucking love drunk girls. I think girls handle booze differently than guys do and it usually involves them slutting out, where guys usually end up ruining all their chances of slutting out, because they are either too busy being creepy perverts or throwing up on themselves or their friends after breaking things. It’s like every wasted girl I’ve ever come in contact with has been either showing off her underwear, flashing her tits, or sucking dick in the bathroom or at least willing to try doing all of those things. The girls who let themselves get this drunk are usually medicating some kind of insecurity and since insecure girls want to be the prettiest girls in the room that all the boys want, the best way to get that attention is to throw themselves at dudes or get naked in the process. I guess it’s the same reason why herpes is so widely spread, but there’s nothing wrong with a little STD if everyone’s got ‘em.

The other thing that there’s nothing wrong with is laughing at yourself the day after you were a fucking disaster by posting shit to whatever social site you’re on, because taking yourself so seriously makes me hate you and being drunk is enough of an excuse for anything stupid you do and least it’s the one I’ve been using for 2 decades. I guess that’s the reason why having your mom as a friend sucks.

Some assistant to Britney Spears leaked these candid pictures of Britney drinking and Swimming in Dita Von Teese’s champagne glass and they pretty much suck. When it comes to Britney Spears and her entourage, you’d think that the only thing leaking would be her used up vagina right down her leg, leaving a puddle on the ground for her dogs to lick up when Britney forgets to give them water and they are desperate for survival, kinda like Britney was in her career, but has somehow managed to turn that around with a huge song, ringtone and huge album sales. It’s kinda like she won the lottery. I hate playing the lottery, because it always manages to disappoint, like everything else in my life. That sounded a lot sadder than it actually is but only because I can laugh at my misfortunes.

Finally, some pictures of Lauren Conrad that I can jerk off to because I find booze the hottest thing out there and it’s safe to say that I am in love with alcohol, it’s been the most reliable friend in my life and has never real done me wrong, other than all the stupid shit I’ve done while drunk, like driving, or having unprotected sex with sluts, but for the most part we’ve had a lot of good times. So seeing Lauren Conrad buying all this booze for her party makes me want to be on a shitty reality TV show so that I can afford my very own trip to the alcohol store like this. This is the shit that makes me want to win the lottery or rob some old bitch, because I never really cared about the nice cars or houses money buys, I just care about trips to the liquor store.

I can only assume that Lauren Conrad’s putting all this effort into stocking up her bar in hopes that this booze will make some poor fucker drunk enough to fuck her or at least think she’s worth a fuck.

The thing I like about Jordan is that she knows her role. She’s a party slut and she’s got no problem going out and getting drunk and living up that shit. There’s nothing that I hate more than party sluts who pretend they aren’t party sluts and act all fucking conservative and shit until they get a drink in them and then the tits or panties come out. You know the party slut that can only unleash the inner party slut with a few drinks in her. You know the kind of girl that is constantly in the corner hooking up with dudes, having multiple one night stands then going home after being abused to feel shitty about herself and spends the week coping with her whore behavior until the next week roles around and she gets another drink in her. I guess both are a good time, but I don’t really like surprises so Jordan living this shit day to day accepting what she is inspires me.

The other thing I like about Jordan is that she’s a mom and I have a thing for irresponsible parents. Bitch just had a kid and is already out hitting the clubs showing off that she lost her pregnancy weight and still has retardedly big tits and a vagina that I am sure doesn’t smell like roses. I am thinking she’s seen more cock than TROJAN or this 75 year old hooker that’s still working around the corner from me after a 55 year career because it’s all she knows.

The only thing I hate about girls with all that penis experience is that they know I’m packing a hybrid penis that’s usually more vaginal, but only on cold days, where as less experienced girls never really know how shitty it actually is. I always used to try to tell girls to let me stick it in them cuz they won’t feel anything and that I’m like a tampon but that never really worked out for me.

Either way, here’s Jordan’s upskirt.

I saw these picture of Danielle Lloyd the other day and wasn’t too impressed, because the ass flash picture wasn’t released. I don’t remember who she is, probably from Big Brother UK but I do know that she’s one of those chicks who constantly exposes herself and when I see her name in the boards I rip my pictures off of, usually means a guaranteed post…

Reality is that I like slutty lookin girls who dress in revealing clothes. I like girls who show off their bodies and don’t wear panties. I like being with girls who like to flash their bodies and their body parts discreetly even though they usually suck in bed, but watching other guys get hard over them is a total power trip. Unfortunately that hasn’t happened since I got one of my chicks to not wear panties one night and discreetly expose the shit, but that was a long fucking time ago….

I also like girls who like sex. So I spent the last hour sitting on a park bench outside a maternity store. I do this sometimes because I like to let the girls know that I know what they’ve been up to by giving them dirty looks or creepy smirks. In my head I think to myself how that bitch let a dude bust nut inside her and smile and I know she knows I know she let some dude bust in her and that in a few months so will the rest of the world….it’s kinda like she’s released a sex tape or has starred in a porn flick that I’ve never seen, but I still know she was in it.

Here are those Danielle Lloyd pics.

I found out that Paris was going to be hitting up some ChaChi bar in Montreal about a week ago. I thought it would be funny to get myself into the event even though it’s not that funny. So I tried contacting the club involved. They wanted nothing to do with me or the website so I had to think of alternative options….

I was given Paris’ number a long time ago and we used to have a little dialog going. Unfortunately her number was released on the internet and she changed the shit. So I was stuck with Stavros’ number. Now if you don’t know who Stavros is, he is the fuckin’ man. He has banged anyone famous you can think of, from Petra Nemcova, to Lohan to one of the Olsen twins - so I decided to reach out to him…

Now, Stavros has been in my phone for a while, and I constantly send him text messages and he responds. I never understood why, becauseI have told him that I am from drunkenstepfather, and he always seems to ignore what I say. I had no idea how to get into this shit, so I asked him an he put me on the list. He was under the impression that I was his boy MIchael Perez and I just rode that shit home. So as he told me that I was on the list, and I’d ask him under what name and he told me Michael Perez, I just went along with it…

When I got to the club I told them that I was this Michael Perez motherfucker and they didn’t have me on the list, so I wrote Stavros a CURT text message saying that I was gettin dicked around. The dude was wearing overalls and no shirt and made me feel uncomfortable…Within about 15 minutes the owners of the club found me in the group of 100s of people, apologized and brought me inside like I was important, even though I hadn’t showered and was wearing ratty clothes. I was on Paris’ list and they thought I was some Michael Perez motherfucker who was important for whatever reason. I got to the bar, thought it was hysterical cuz everyone in there was showered and good looking, drank as much as I could afford and waited for the night to end. I fell down the stairs to the bathroom and I was rejected when trying to get into Paris’ VIP area, by Paris Hilton. The security dude brought her my cell phone where all the Stavros messages went down, and she looked at it and said that I could join her stupid dance circle.

The whole epxerience was fucking jokes and I kept laughing. I met some black chick who liked roses and some blond chick who thought I was bored and I just drove that shit home

I think the highlight of the night was watching a whole club zone in on Paris and watch her every move. Bitch would dance and everyone in the place would clap like she was Barney. The whole place was focused 100 percent on her. I guess they didn’t notice how handsome I looked.

When I was leaving, I was told Paris hadn’t left, so I waited around to let her know who I was. Not that it got me invited to her hotel room, but it was still funny, and that is the video you see. I will deny that being my voice because the asshole in it sounds jewish and 13, but reality is that we love Paris and Stavros and this is the proof. I am now Michael Perez and you are still an asshole.

So after all is said and done, they still don’t know what this website is or that it exists, but Paris Hilton is 100 percent worth a round, and I would be willing to get herpes for one night in her. I will be tickling my balls with the hand I shook of hers, just after I disinfect it. Paris changed my life, and I am a groupie now…I am pretty easy to win over…all I need is a little booze and some attention…CUDDLES….

UPDATE: I was fucking drunk when editing and writing this post at 5 am. I was out alone and stealing booze off some dudes with gel in their hair’s bottle….I shoulda asked her to bring me back to her hotel to let me lick her asshole. But I forgot. I did feel like a 14 year old girl waiting around to see Paris, but I needed to get something for the site and I wasn’t about to get arrested over the shit, so this is what you get.

If you were looking for a video of me throwing my feces at her, this isn’t it. I am too nice for that. I forgot to tell her I was from Drunkenstepfather.com, I was just trying to get over my big breasted Barmaids big breasts and the fact that people actually care about Paris. Like care so much that there was a crowd outside the place. I was also trying to get over this really rich bald old guy and his entourage of 10 really hot 20 year olds who I can only assume were on Payroll, making me realize that when you have money you can have any pussy you want.

It may look like I was all lined up to meet and greet her, I was just standing outside with some dude from Afghanistan when this went down…harassing random people coming out of the club…but I barely got any of it on video because I was drunk. I did try to hustle a black girl and that was a first for me. It wasn’t a success because some male model type was handing out roses to all the girls and that made all their panties wet, if they were even wearing panties…which made the floor wet…either way, I was upstaged by him and I was only doing it because I figured she wouldn’t mind my stink.