This was just emailed into me and I decided to give them a post because I fucking love drunk girls. I think girls handle booze differently than guys do and it usually involves them slutting out, where guys usually end up ruining all their chances of slutting out, because they are either too busy being creepy perverts or throwing up on themselves or their friends after breaking things. It’s like every wasted girl I’ve ever come in contact with has been either showing off her underwear, flashing her tits, or sucking dick in the bathroom or at least willing to try doing all of those things. The girls who let themselves get this drunk are usually medicating some kind of insecurity and since insecure girls want to be the prettiest girls in the room that all the boys want, the best way to get that attention is to throw themselves at dudes or get naked in the process. I guess it’s the same reason why herpes is so widely spread, but there’s nothing wrong with a little STD if everyone’s got ‘em.

The other thing that there’s nothing wrong with is laughing at yourself the day after you were a fucking disaster by posting shit to whatever social site you’re on, because taking yourself so seriously makes me hate you and being drunk is enough of an excuse for anything stupid you do and least it’s the one I’ve been using for 2 decades. I guess that’s the reason why having your mom as a friend sucks.

Some assistant to Britney Spears leaked these candid pictures of Britney drinking and Swimming in Dita Von Teese’s champagne glass and they pretty much suck. When it comes to Britney Spears and her entourage, you’d think that the only thing leaking would be her used up vagina right down her leg, leaving a puddle on the ground for her dogs to lick up when Britney forgets to give them water and they are desperate for survival, kinda like Britney was in her career, but has somehow managed to turn that around with a huge song, ringtone and huge album sales. It’s kinda like she won the lottery. I hate playing the lottery, because it always manages to disappoint, like everything else in my life. That sounded a lot sadder than it actually is but only because I can laugh at my misfortunes.

Finally, some pictures of Lauren Conrad that I can jerk off to because I find booze the hottest thing out there and it’s safe to say that I am in love with alcohol, it’s been the most reliable friend in my life and has never real done me wrong, other than all the stupid shit I’ve done while drunk, like driving, or having unprotected sex with sluts, but for the most part we’ve had a lot of good times. So seeing Lauren Conrad buying all this booze for her party makes me want to be on a shitty reality TV show so that I can afford my very own trip to the alcohol store like this. This is the shit that makes me want to win the lottery or rob some old bitch, because I never really cared about the nice cars or houses money buys, I just care about trips to the liquor store.

I can only assume that Lauren Conrad’s putting all this effort into stocking up her bar in hopes that this booze will make some poor fucker drunk enough to fuck her or at least think she’s worth a fuck.

The thing I like about Jordan is that she knows her role. She’s a party slut and she’s got no problem going out and getting drunk and living up that shit. There’s nothing that I hate more than party sluts who pretend they aren’t party sluts and act all fucking conservative and shit until they get a drink in them and then the tits or panties come out. You know the party slut that can only unleash the inner party slut with a few drinks in her. You know the kind of girl that is constantly in the corner hooking up with dudes, having multiple one night stands then going home after being abused to feel shitty about herself and spends the week coping with her whore behavior until the next week roles around and she gets another drink in her. I guess both are a good time, but I don’t really like surprises so Jordan living this shit day to day accepting what she is inspires me.

The other thing I like about Jordan is that she’s a mom and I have a thing for irresponsible parents. Bitch just had a kid and is already out hitting the clubs showing off that she lost her pregnancy weight and still has retardedly big tits and a vagina that I am sure doesn’t smell like roses. I am thinking she’s seen more cock than TROJAN or this 75 year old hooker that’s still working around the corner from me after a 55 year career because it’s all she knows.

The only thing I hate about girls with all that penis experience is that they know I’m packing a hybrid penis that’s usually more vaginal, but only on cold days, where as less experienced girls never really know how shitty it actually is. I always used to try to tell girls to let me stick it in them cuz they won’t feel anything and that I’m like a tampon but that never really worked out for me.

Either way, here’s Jordan’s upskirt.

I saw these picture of Danielle Lloyd the other day and wasn’t too impressed, because the ass flash picture wasn’t released. I don’t remember who she is, probably from Big Brother UK but I do know that she’s one of those chicks who constantly exposes herself and when I see her name in the boards I rip my pictures off of, usually means a guaranteed post…

Reality is that I like slutty lookin girls who dress in revealing clothes. I like girls who show off their bodies and don’t wear panties. I like being with girls who like to flash their bodies and their body parts discreetly even though they usually suck in bed, but watching other guys get hard over them is a total power trip. Unfortunately that hasn’t happened since I got one of my chicks to not wear panties one night and discreetly expose the shit, but that was a long fucking time ago….

I also like girls who like sex. So I spent the last hour sitting on a park bench outside a maternity store. I do this sometimes because I like to let the girls know that I know what they’ve been up to by giving them dirty looks or creepy smirks. In my head I think to myself how that bitch let a dude bust nut inside her and smile and I know she knows I know she let some dude bust in her and that in a few months so will the rest of the world….it’s kinda like she’s released a sex tape or has starred in a porn flick that I’ve never seen, but I still know she was in it.

Here are those Danielle Lloyd pics.

I found out that Paris was going to be hitting up some ChaChi bar in Montreal about a week ago. I thought it would be funny to get myself into the event even though it’s not that funny. So I tried contacting the club involved. They wanted nothing to do with me or the website so I had to think of alternative options….

I was given Paris’ number a long time ago and we used to have a little dialog going. Unfortunately her number was released on the internet and she changed the shit. So I was stuck with Stavros’ number. Now if you don’t know who Stavros is, he is the fuckin’ man. He has banged anyone famous you can think of, from Petra Nemcova, to Lohan to one of the Olsen twins - so I decided to reach out to him…

Now, Stavros has been in my phone for a while, and I constantly send him text messages and he responds. I never understood why, becauseI have told him that I am from drunkenstepfather, and he always seems to ignore what I say. I had no idea how to get into this shit, so I asked him an he put me on the list. He was under the impression that I was his boy MIchael Perez and I just rode that shit home. So as he told me that I was on the list, and I’d ask him under what name and he told me Michael Perez, I just went along with it…

When I got to the club I told them that I was this Michael Perez motherfucker and they didn’t have me on the list, so I wrote Stavros a CURT text message saying that I was gettin dicked around. The dude was wearing overalls and no shirt and made me feel uncomfortable…Within about 15 minutes the owners of the club found me in the group of 100s of people, apologized and brought me inside like I was important, even though I hadn’t showered and was wearing ratty clothes. I was on Paris’ list and they thought I was some Michael Perez motherfucker who was important for whatever reason. I got to the bar, thought it was hysterical cuz everyone in there was showered and good looking, drank as much as I could afford and waited for the night to end. I fell down the stairs to the bathroom and I was rejected when trying to get into Paris’ VIP area, by Paris Hilton. The security dude brought her my cell phone where all the Stavros messages went down, and she looked at it and said that I could join her stupid dance circle.

The whole epxerience was fucking jokes and I kept laughing. I met some black chick who liked roses and some blond chick who thought I was bored and I just drove that shit home

I think the highlight of the night was watching a whole club zone in on Paris and watch her every move. Bitch would dance and everyone in the place would clap like she was Barney. The whole place was focused 100 percent on her. I guess they didn’t notice how handsome I looked.

When I was leaving, I was told Paris hadn’t left, so I waited around to let her know who I was. Not that it got me invited to her hotel room, but it was still funny, and that is the video you see. I will deny that being my voice because the asshole in it sounds jewish and 13, but reality is that we love Paris and Stavros and this is the proof. I am now Michael Perez and you are still an asshole.

So after all is said and done, they still don’t know what this website is or that it exists, but Paris Hilton is 100 percent worth a round, and I would be willing to get herpes for one night in her. I will be tickling my balls with the hand I shook of hers, just after I disinfect it. Paris changed my life, and I am a groupie now…I am pretty easy to win over…all I need is a little booze and some attention…CUDDLES….

UPDATE: I was fucking drunk when editing and writing this post at 5 am. I was out alone and stealing booze off some dudes with gel in their hair’s bottle….I shoulda asked her to bring me back to her hotel to let me lick her asshole. But I forgot. I did feel like a 14 year old girl waiting around to see Paris, but I needed to get something for the site and I wasn’t about to get arrested over the shit, so this is what you get.

If you were looking for a video of me throwing my feces at her, this isn’t it. I am too nice for that. I forgot to tell her I was from Drunkenstepfather.com, I was just trying to get over my big breasted Barmaids big breasts and the fact that people actually care about Paris. Like care so much that there was a crowd outside the place. I was also trying to get over this really rich bald old guy and his entourage of 10 really hot 20 year olds who I can only assume were on Payroll, making me realize that when you have money you can have any pussy you want.

It may look like I was all lined up to meet and greet her, I was just standing outside with some dude from Afghanistan when this went down…harassing random people coming out of the club…but I barely got any of it on video because I was drunk. I did try to hustle a black girl and that was a first for me. It wasn’t a success because some male model type was handing out roses to all the girls and that made all their panties wet, if they were even wearing panties…which made the floor wet…either way, I was upstaged by him and I was only doing it because I figured she wouldn’t mind my stink.

Since it’s Sunday and I am supposed to be in the gutter somewhere, I decided to let Julien the resident gay blogger hit up the site with a post, because otherwise I wouldn’t bother. I pretty much hate the computer and just walked down the street seeing black spots because of it, or at least I say it’s because of it, but it is probably AIDS, Liver Failure, Syphilis or any other exciting debilitating disease fat ouytof shape unhealthy drunken chain smokers get.

Speaking of AIDS, here’s Julien’s post, since it is the Gay disease after all.

I think the last thing that this site needs is photos of Tara Reid looking like a drunken whore, but here are some photos of Tera in London wearing a see-through kimono type-thingy. She looks like she is in a burlesque production of Madame Butterfly or some shit.

Anyway, you can almost see her busted tits, so I figured that the three prepubescent boys who read this site will be all over it. I love how she tries to class things up a little, you know going out and getting shit-faced in London instead of LA. What the hell is she even doing outside of California. It’s not like she’s filming the new Indiana Jones movie or something…it’s not likely that she’ll ever film a new movie.

It’s good to see ol’ Puff-face out and about again, you know with Lindsay in rehab, Brit all concerned with her kids and Paris apparently acting like a saint, I was afraid that the older generation of party whores would have to step down and make way for Hayden and company. But it’s nice to see Tara being the drunken workhorse that she is. She’s like a Ford truck, an American institution.

-Smooch!
Julien

If I hated gay people as much as I pretend to, I’d never let one write for me, so all you gay activists reading don’t send me hate mail about AIDS being a gay disease. It’s a proven fact that it is. I am just in shock that Julien didn’t talk about the fag that Tara is getting fucked up with. I guess it really doesn’t matter….Here are the pics.

Here are some pictures of Jessica Simpson pretending to be Britney Spears, only instead of being in her soiled underwear she in a dress and instead of drinking rubbing alcohol out of the plastic bottle, she’s drinking champagne, but since she’s a good Christian girl the bottle empty and she’s just acting drunk….maybe she should stick to singing…

I remember getting with a crazy repressed Christian chick. Everytime we’d fuck, she’d cry because of her guilt but while we were fucking bitch was insane, she’d be grabbing my cock like no one has ever grabbed it and bitch even made me cum from a handjob like I was 14. I don’t know it was like Jesus possessed her into being extremely fucking bad, but as soon as she was done crying off the shame she’d get up and be a model Christian citizen who told people she was waiting til she was married to give it up, who went to church groups and to the church with her family and I was just this dirty fucking secret. She is the first girl who begged me to finish in her ass everytime we were together and the show stopper was the day she came over with a virgin mary statue and fucked herself with it while making me watch, that lead to crucifixes, jesus statues and some ceremonial candles she stole from her church. The whole thing was a total mind fuck, but I wasn’t complaining, I didn’t care that she had all these fucking issues, because she was good fucking times….even though they were weird times.

All this to say that behind every christian girl is a crazy sexual deviant who’s been repressed all their lives and is ready to fucking explode….and here are those pics.

So these pictures magically landed in my inbox today. I feel like Perez Hilton only fatter. They are of Paris Hilton rocking out Drunk Sunday Night at the club LAX for some DJ AM weekly event called Banana Split. They are trying to be cool by booking all the latest hipster acts, but reality is that DJ AM can’t be cool no matter how hard he plays his shitty played out top 40 of the last 30 years bar mitzvah party mix in exclusive limited edition sneakers. Even while Paris Hilton gets drunk and rocks out in the corner of the club making all the people who worked greased the bouncer to get in feel like they are really part of something exclusive….can’t distract them from his shitty DJ set.

Either way, I thought that Paris isn’t supposed to be out drunk partying, she’s supposed to be changing the world or some shit, at least that was the plan after jail. I love seeing people make outrageous life-changing statements and within a few months throw them out the window. Like me everytime I say I am going to quit drinking when I wake up with a wicked hangover, or my wife saying how she’s going to lose weight this year because it’s the year, or my stepdaughter saying she is going to go dyke or give up sex because she doesn’t want to get knocked up again or get AIDS…

Speaking of Lesbians, Paris reminds me of this time I had to shit really badly so I ran into this strip club in the seedy part of town because I figured why not get a lap dance while I am at it, so I bust into the place run to the bathroom when I am done, walk out to find that all the girls are a little burly. I chose the hottest one I could find but she was still fucking tranny looking, but It turned out it was because it was tranny night and I only realized when in the lap dance booth about 30 seconds in and bitches beard rubbed up against my face. I cut shit down to only one song, because its tits were pretty decent implants and it woulda been awkward running out mid-song. Either way, Paris has this tranny thing about her, she’s got these big hands and feet, she craves constant attention, she got a tranny face and she dances like a tranny. It is possible that she was born with both parts, who knows what kind of prescription drugs her ex-prostitute lookin’ wallet-fucking mom was on while knocked up making for all kinds of birth defects.

I guess what it all comes down to is that she’s having a good time, the people love her and she looks like she’s put on 20 lbs and is hiding it under a colorful potato sack. I want to fuck her blond model friend who isn’t really her friend but making strategic career choices to get herself famous…..here are those exclusive pics.

Everyone says that Britney is a wreck because she goes out in short dresses and doesn’t care if her ass is hanging out. I call it a miracle because there was a time that she was a candy-coated popstar we all wished would turn into a dirty slut who gets naked on command and who pretty much walks around naked all the time. It may have taken two kids and an over-eating disorder and lots of paparazzi in her face for a long enough time before realizing that she can’t shit without the world knowing to break her down, but the time has come and we should all fucking embrace it, because it is what we always wanted.

Now this is probably one of the shittiest upskirt ass shots I’ve seen of hers, but like every loser with a celebrity blog, I saw a little ass cheek and that made it worthy of a post. I am trying to convince a group of girls next to me in the starbucks to come back to my place for a hot tub party. They will be disappointed when they find out that the closest thing I have to a hot tub is a kettle and a bucket, but I have them considering coming over and hanging out in their underwear since they don’t have bikinis. I am a fucking awesome considering what I have going for me…which is pretty much nothing. If you’re wondering why I am at Starbucks, it’s because my neighbor who I think killed himself’s internet was cut off,

Point of all this is to say I would love to do Britney, I’d love to smell the kitchen garbage variety of scents that exudes from her box, because let’s face it, I’ve done dirtier, poorer, trashier, fatter bitches that her and comparatively she’s a fucking gem.

Bonus - Some Pictures of Britney with some Hired Friends, Sitting Like a Man at LAX in Vegas, DJ AM’s new Gayer than Bicycle Shorts Club, where he makes all the woman sit like men, cuz it gets him off. He’s so weird.

Bonus - Britney Before going to LA showing a little shitty upskirt and rockin’ some huge cans…

I went to a bar the other night because I like getting drunk. I sat in the corner and drank my face off because the drinks were cheap and that’s what I do. ON the dancefloor there was a bitch who was doing the Paris Hilton. Now I don’t know if you guys know what the Paris Hilton is, but it’s a distinct fucking Bow-Legged stance dance that younger girls picked up by watching The Simple Life or visiting Perez Hilton. Anyway, this hot model lookin’ bitch is doing the Paris Hilton and to her right was this scraggly bitch with extensions falling out of her hair, a leopard print bra was hangin out of her shirt and short shorts jacked up her ass. So you have this tall thin hot model doing the Paris Hilton and her little ratty friend trying to get attention to make-up for her obvious shortcomings by rubbing her cunt up against the speaker and there I am thinking that I just experienced the very local Simple Life with girls I’d rather fuck. Reality is that the model will probably develop a drug addiction and her only gigs will be at the local supermarket handing out tampon samples and the rat will end up knocked up with some black baby who she doesn’t know who the father is, but these bitches will still be less useless to the world than the real Simple Lie. I would have bought them a drink to celebrate but figured why bother, I’d rather use my limited budget on myself, drink special or not and they don’t need drinks they were already jacked on Meth….

Here are some pictures of Paris and her useless sister dancing up at some club in some place recently….

I am not posting this shit because I know who this slut is, I am posting it because she’s rocking a double tit slip in the same fucking night with the same shit, like a little left tit and a little right tit but not at the same time making me feel like she’s keeping

The reality is that Big Brother cast whores, because whores getting ratings, and without a bitch who is willing to fuck, get naked or whatever else they do on the show, they don’t have much of a fucking show. No one wants to watch a show about a bunch of people who get along, help each other out, spend their days reading, they want smut….and I do too…

I am wondering if It’s one of those chicken or egg situations, like was this bitch a whore before the show, or did the show strip her of all her dignity making her not give a fuck about being naked in public because she’s already been seen naked by the world and by world I mean the UK because that’s where this shit is from. If that’s the case, then we can only hope to seeing her sucking dick in public, masturbating in public, taking a dirty shit in public in the months to come…..she’s just getting warmed up with this tit slip shit.