So the guy behind Von Dutch and Ed Hardy, Christian Audigier has a 16 year old daughter who he neglects and he tried to make up for his absence by throwing her some really over the top birthday party that featured performances by T.I. and The Pussy Cat Dolls, who were introduced by Perez Hilton. Other people in attendance were cheesy coke party slut Paris Hilton and her sister Nicky and some Kardashian.

When they brought her down to get her gift she was surprised by not 1 but 2 cars, because at 16, you need really need 2 fucking cars. I guess that goes to prove that Ed Hardy hasn’t just ruined my life, but it has ruined the life of this little broken down girl who you will see a lot of in the party scene over the next 10 years, but that’s just because daddy’s feeding her money and letting her in on some of his cocaine stash, while every cheesy person in the world and stripper alike are going to be suckin’ her dick, because to an Ed Hardy collector, this Crystal bitch is better than the 900 dollar t-shirt they bought last week.

The highlight of the video is when someone screams “I saw your porno” to Paris Hilton. I wish that person was me. Totally over the fuckin’ top and the whole thing is disgusting to me, the outcome of all this, probably won’t be, because I like seeing people fall from the top because their daddy wasn’t around. It’s pretty much the reason behind 95% of the times I’ve got laid and 95% of the porn I’ve jerked off to….Good times.

Now I may not be one to give parenting advice, because I am the kind of guy who encourages my stepdaughters to fuck, as long as they videotape it for me to critique, but this kind of excess is fucking child abuse. If I was the richest Nouveau Riche man in the world, who huffed lots of blow, fucked lots of hoes and believed that spending all my money on trash made sense, I still would never spoil my kid like that, not because I hate them for ruining my life, but because I know this kind of behavior fucks them up and no good comes from it, but I guess when you’re the guy who conceived Ed Hardy, no good is all you know….

Ed Hardy is the cheesiest fucking thing around. It attracts the cheesiest fucking people and the only good thing about cheesy fucking people is that they dance on bar tables in little Ed Hardy skirts, showing the world their big fake tits in their Ed Hardy low cut shirts and assholes winkin’ at me out of their Ed Hardy thongs, while drinking bottles of Grey Goose with Jimbo’s and chachi motherfuckers, who are also in Ed Hardy everything from head to fucking toe and who think they are fucking rockstars, but don’t realize that they look like total twats, because all their fellow Ed Hardy cult members keep giving them positive attention and props because of their 300 dollar t-shirts that looks like some kind of crazed silk screener threw up rhinestones, sequins, paint, gels and gold foil all over the shit….but I guess the brand’s done something genius, because it’s tricked the lame masses into thinking they need the shit to fit in and it’s become this massively embarrassing movement, that I am sure has made a bunch of people rich as these strippers, 9 to 5 millionaires and Italians have spend their paychecks on the shit, because they think they need it…..

Ed Hardy had a fashion show and it wasn’t as slutty as 99% of the tacky bitches who rock this shit around here, but it’s still worth posting because Ed Hardy offends me even when they get girls in underwear struttin’ their shit….it’s a fucking joke and you’ve all fallen for it…

I fucking hate Ed Hardy and everyone who wears it. I don’t know what it is about decorative, colorful vintage tattoo lookin’ shirts that cheesy tanned, gym-bound mainstream club goers get boners for but I like to think it’s just because shit’s expensive, celebrities wear it and I blame Hollywood.

It’s like if they don’t realize that a t-shirt costs 3 dollars at most blank and 20 dollars at most finished even with the use of every single possible type of silk screening or graphic application technology that one shirt can handle but shouldn’t because shit ends up looking like one of my cum shots after a bout with an STD, you know tainted with blood, mucus and shaped like a skull in a top hat because the fever is making me delusional, and are paying upwards of 300 dollars to just fit in.

This is the product of the success of the Von Dutch movement that targeted the same poser, Grey Goose bottle whoring, big bicep dudes and club slut fake tit girls they recruit at the tanning salon, who listen to Bob Sinclair and who don’t have any concept of what’s actually going on in the world, but know that all their friends are rockin’ it and so are the celebrities and that must mean it’s good. They don’t realize that dude realized that magic formula where you can get celebs to wear your shit if you give it to them for free and then all these mainstream followers will eat shit up, especially if you take that product that normally costs 3 dollars and make them believe it’s worth absurd amounts more than it is.

Maybe it’s marketing genius, I like to think it’s just representative of the hell that we are living and the stupidy of the general public and their need for the media to tell them what’s up and I don’t anticipate Ed Hardy to go away anytime soon, despite hoping that it does, but the good news is that Joanna Krupa was one of their bikini models recently, and I am always ready to get down with communism when it looks like this no matter what shit stupid clothes its wearing.

I think Ed Hardy is the cheesiest fucking shit to hit the clothing stores in the last few years. I am talking worse than that overpriced Von Dutch shit that I remember seeing kids wear a few years ago and who paid something like 100 dollars for a $5 trucker hat all because it had some faggot color and brand name and now all those cheesy fucks who used to wear that Von Dutch trash because they thought it was classy cuz it was expensive are rocking this Ed Hardy shit that sell t-shirts for 300 dollars and that put that most retarded fucking shit on their shirts to justify the price. The designer’s like “we’ll put studs and diamond and gold and fuckin’ obnoxious designs and make the most expensive fucking t-shirt in the fucking store and people will eat it up because they are fucking idiots and think that just because it’s expensive, it’s cool”. Now, I don’t know shit about fashion, but I do know a lot about cha chi motherfuckers who just left the gym an hour before hitting the clubs so that they look jacked and I do know that they fucking annoy me, despite landing all the hot party chicks, but because they are just fuckin dumber than the shit my wife left smeared on the toilet seat.

The other day I was sitting at a coffee shop and some dude rolled through in a pick-up truck that had been spray painted with Ed Hardy stupidity and dude got out in a full Ed Hardy outfit, I’m talking hat, shirt, jeans, shoes, and he was the most colorful motherfucker in the place, and his loyalty to a shitty brand was pretty fuckin’ intense, but that didn’t change the fact that he was a fuckin’ asshole, in fact it was like a billboard announcing that motherfucker was a total asshole.

I guess it’s safe to say that Ashley Tisdale has been blinded by Disney’s iron fist and doesn’t have a clue as to what’s up, and maybe that’s why she’s rockin’ the shit, since Ed Hardy’s big marketing strategy is to get celebs in the shit so all the copycats who buy bottles because they think they are celebs buy the shit and I can only assume that these pictures of her in Ed Hardy will sell some bikinis to some 14 year old girls who are future party sluts in trianing. Happy 4th of July.