Vida Guerra is the first slut I can remember who made a name for herself because of her fat ass. I know J.Lo was some kind of fat assed pioneer or some shit, but at least she backed her ass up with her song and dance and acting career that lead to her high profile celebrity cock-riding, while Vida Guerra was just some nobody that had some pictures sent into FHM or some other men’s magazine by her boyfriend and that lead to cover after cover and Top 100 lists everywhere, making her a staple ass guys jerked off to….the good news is that whatever money she made allowed her to afford the set of tits she dreamed about as a little immigrant girl in her poor immigrant household because a girl with a big McDonald’s eating ass is always out of wack without a set of big ol’ titties. It’s nice to see that her money and career have kept her classy as she wears a subtle black dress to an event, I hear it’s the same dress she wore to her father’s funeral.

I hate The Hills. I have never watched it and will never watch it, but doing this site forces me to know what the cunts on the show are up to. I figure if I wanted to watch a group of ugly rich kids complaining about their scripted, obvious and boring lives, I’d just go to the Starbucks down the street, at least that way I can follow the whores home and rape some sense into them, when I am pretty much at a lost when it comes to teaching these MTV bitches a lesson, since they are too big of a deal to be accessible for some fat dude in Canada.

The real issue with their fame is that it’s really got nothing to do with them, and a lot to do with you and the people you know. You cocksuckers are watching their shit, talking about the shit, buying the DVDs of the shit, inflating their whore egos and giving MTV no choice but to continue writing the garbage that rapes the minds of everyone who watches it.

The only thing remotely interesting about the show is that it’s on some Truman Show level, where they have pretty much sold out their lives to play their part all the fucking time, so that they don’t slip up on the continuity of the story, and the lies they are living are going to become their reality so when the show is cancelled and they realize that they can’t survive in real life because they don’t know who they really are and have no identity and will never be able to live down the cunts they play like they are Gary Coleman or some shit and can’t quite figure out why the rest of the world acts so differently than they did when they were on the show only and the only escape is suicide.

Either way, here’s two girls from The Hills showing the world how full of shit they are in this fake interraction that pisses me off….

BONUS - Some Audrina Bikini Pictures from Last Week Because It Makes Her Body Makes Her Face Less Offensive….

Everyone knows that despite what models say about how much they eat, they are full of shit and are just doing it because they want the rest of the world to think it’s ok to eat so that they get fat and make the models look even skinnier than they actually are in comparison.

Heidi Klum landed some kind of job promoting some McDonald’s chicken shit, and part of the campaign was to pretend that she was actually eating them because it looks better for McDonald’s. I guess hiring a model to pretend to eat is the best place to go since they have years of experience of trying to save face when they get invited to 4 course expensive dinners with clients and have to do their best to make everyone think they are actually eating and not sneaking to the bathroom to spit up the food they have hidden up in their cheeks and to rip a couple of lines, drink a couple of diet cokes to stay alert in conversation and a few sticks of gum to cover up the smell of their empty eating disorder stomach.

So despite this McDonald’s shit being false advertising, I still like Heidi Klum and would like to give her my own kind of wrap to eat in the form of my penis wrapped in gauze because of all the open sores.

I’ve never watched The Hills, but I fucking hate that shit more than I hate myself, in fact, I hate that shit even more than I hate my wife and that’s one thing I hate more than life itself.

The reason I hate it is because it’s crap. It’s some staged bullshit that’s meant to be “real” and all these fuckers are watching it to see what happens next in the lives of total fucking assholes, who don’t deserve to have a life, let alone have people watch and care about it. The worst thing about this scripted bullshit is that it’s popular. People obviously have miserable lives and turn to this to escape or to feel better about themselves but in doing this, they are contributing to the success of shitty shows, making the lives of the people involved in the show substantially better lives than they deserve, like a false sense of celebrity, money and relevance to the world. I can only assume that giving someone more self esteem and confidence than they should have is the same reason why you see fat chicks on the beach in bikinis or walking down the street in fucking spandex. It’s all because some asshole told her she was hot and it stuck.

These pictures are some bullshit day spend by bullshit couple Heidi Montag and Spencer because couples only climb up on each other’s shoulders for bullshit photo ops and not when just hanging out with each other because no matter how in love you are or how much you don’t care about the outside world because you’re fully absorbed, you still have enough pride to never put your girl up on your shoulders. Plus, we all know that when Heidi is alone with her boyfriends, they are the ones strapping the saddle on her back and riding her because anyone who gets with her has to have some kind of equestrian fetish . The only thing realistic about this whole stunt is when Spencer feeds Heidi Montag’s father a carrot as a token of gratitude for letting him fuck his daughter because his suit isn’t the only thing classy about him….

So I was emailed saying that this is the Britney Spears sex tape that is rumored to exist but that probably doesn’t exist. I don’t really know how to recognize people very well and everyone kinda looks the same to me but I thought Britney would be fatter and more disgusting smelling. I’d also would have though she would make more barnyard sounda and possibly piss and shit herself and take a break for snacks and drinks. There’s no way a dude would ever go down on her and despite this chick being a lazy fuck, I still call bullshit. There’s no way this is Britney Spears, it’s just some other slut who lets herself get filmed because she thinks no one will see it or because she thinks it’ll make her famous, but watch for yourself and decide because I am usually wrong and based on that logic that means that this is actually Britney. I felt obligated to post it because that’s what I am here for and because her new video is about to drop so I figure drawing more attention to herself being a disaster is good for sales, she’s already Billboard’s Top 3 songs, and the world’s number 1 digital download, proving that insanity does sell records…Britney isn’t crazy she’s just a marketing genius.