So Tyra Banks gets some dude who has some weird sexual fetish on her show. This dude gets off when girls stomp on him, so when he brings a girl home from the bar, he doesn’t try to stick his dick in her, he tries to get her to walk all over him.

So Tyra’s decides to show the public the dude’s fetish by 12 girls from the audience to walk all over the motherfucker and for a dude who gets off to being stomped on by 1 chick, this has to be like having a fuckin’ orgy. It’s on some paradise the suicide bombers reach with their 78 virgins or whatever the fuck they get, only in this case Tyra is god. It’s like telling her that I like blowjobs and I show up to find 12 everyday girls with their mouth opens ready to service me, only blow jobs would get censored from tv, but dudes who get of to getting walked on is considered fine for out kids to see. It’s a little backwards and part of the reason my wife won’t suck my dick, but would love to try walking all over me, she finds the whole concept fascinating after watching the show and her friend’s house and actually came home asking me to try it out but I won’t let her, partially because neither this fetish nor my wife turn me on but mainly because of safety reasons because she’s pushing 300 lbs and she’ll shatter my rib cage, make my organs explode and I’m not in the mood to di

I am always fucking hung over fridays and have nothing to say because I have no idea what the fuck I did last night, but whatever it was, I left my brain wherever I ended up which was probably the gutter. I do know that I am seeing double and there’s nothing wrong with seeing double when you’re watching your useless wife try to get your limp dick up because it makes you feel like you’re having the threesome she never agree to have, but there is a problem with it when you’re lookin’ at Hadyen Panettiere because one of her is too much, and that’s only half the size of normal person.

Either way, here she is trying on shoes for Stuart Weitzman. I don’t know shoes but I guess Stuart Weitzman has a line of clown shoes or circus performing fireman boots that Hayden is the spokesperson for, and if he doesn’t he should.

Since there’s a fetish for everything, I can only assume that Uma is hitting 2 of them in these pictures, one being a big scary hand fetish and the other being a girl in mittens fetish.

I know how you generally only try to get with girls with small hands because you like the way they make your dick bigger, so big hands intimidate you and make you feel like less of a man. That’s probably part of the reason why winter is Uma Thurman’s man’s favorite time of year, because he can encourage her to cover them shits up without lookin’ like too much of an asshole. I can also assume he never takes her apple picking.

Here are some pictures of Rihanna in some V-Neck showing off her tits and fishnet stockings, which isn’t really that big of a deal considering that she dresses like this 300 pound dominatrix I used to hang out with a few years ago. I kinda liked the way she’d chain me up and treat me like the useless piece of shit I am.

Knowing that Rihanna is just a poser, and just looks like a candy-coated version of a Fetish mistress and is not actually the kind of girl who would shove things in your ass for money while making you beg them to piss on your face, kinda takes away from the experience, but I’d rather have a girl pretending than not actually trying, because that way I can look at pictures of her ass in PVC and reality is, pictures of Rihanna’s ass in PVC is probably as close as we’ll ever get to seeing her naked, so we take what we can get.

It’s like every time I end up in a club and these half naked girls are all grinding up on my dick like they are going to go home with me, and I’m thinking how much of a slut this girl’s gotta be for actually letting me do this shit to her and how the night’s going to get so much better when we take this back to her place, before realizing that bitch isn’t being honest about being a drunk slut like we see in the movies and that she’s just acting like one when she’s out because she thinks that’s how she’s supposed to act, leaving me alone, forcing me to come home to a fate worse than death, and that’s my fat wife’s stench, but I still welcome the cocktease, because it’s better than no tease. Cuddles.

Bonus - Rihanna in Her Fetish Gear Performing:

Festishes always make me laugh, especially when they take over a person’s life and everything they do revolves around that fetish. Last night I went to a strip club and chatted up the door check chick. She was from Orlando and moved up here for her boyfriend who she met on Halloween 4 years ago and married on halloween 2 years ago, and loves halloween. I guess having a thing for halloween isn’t really a fetish - it makes you a goth but either way her life revolves around Halloween like this mother fucker’s life revolves around bitches wrestling. The last time I saw two women wrestling, I was walking by a park and two inuit prostitutes were fighting over a 40 oz of malt liquor. I’m talkin serious fighting like gauging each others eyes and shit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hard.

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