I watched the Grammys, I had no choice. I have 2 channels and I live with 3 girls. I guess it wasn’t so bad because I had a bottle of Vodka by my side. I don’t really remember much about the actual awards, my wife’s fat breathing muffled the sound of the TV. I do remember watching Madonna open up the show in a body suit/leotard thing. Now I don’t know why, but for the last 7 months, this kind of outfit is the biggest turn on for me. They sell them at american apparel and hipster bitches everywhere rock them, and they are the new booty short for me. They remind me of my 20s when bodysuits were the biggest shirt product of 1993, They remind me of my flashdance and aerobic fetish. I think it’s because I get to watch the vagina in all it’s glory, like watching a girl in her underwear, only the underwear’s got suspenders ensuring snugness, and people say I am a pervert. Either way, I am glad hipsters and little Jewish girls wear these now, cuz motherfucker, this is one thing that may bring me out of my bout with impotence, if that is possible, I am not a doctor. Madonna didn’t get me hard, and all I could thing about was that babies have filtered through that cooter, which surprisingly remained pretty well contained. Here’s to bitches in leotards…that dance…for me… when I am drunk.

Watch Madonna’s Performance Here

American Apparel Leotard (turns me on)