Sophie Monk is a slut proven by this blowjob face you know she’s trying to pass off as a yawn. She’s the kind of girl with dick on her mind, you know trying to figure out who next to hit up to propel her fame to the next level so that she’s as relevant as Paris Hilton. You know her boyfriend’s ex-vagina that he’s dropped her for, giving as all an idea of how shitty Monk actually is in bed, because we all know how shitty Hilton is in bed and I guess she’s just practicing so the same mistake doesn’t happen again. You know I said You Know a lot in this post. I am so crazy when it comes to words. Watch out.

If you’re wondering why her name is tattooed on the back of her neck, I have no idea, but can only assume it’s part of her marketing plan, you know when a girl tells you shit like “don’t forget this face” or “keep my signature because I will become famous and it’ll be worth a lot one day”, only the “remember this name” as you’re pulling on her pony tail and fucking her from behind passive aggressive version….

Either way, watch her get her roots done, cuz she’s no natural blonde.

Here are some pictures of some slut you’ve all jerked off to rockin’ some hairy fucking armpits. I don’t understand what these pics are from or if it’s some kind of joke, but I don’t find it funny because I fucking hate hairy armpits on chicks and I remember the first time I ever saw a hairy armpit on a chick, it was when I was a kid of maybe 9 years old. She was a 65 year old midget who rolled her own cigarettes and for some reason picked me up after school for a few months. She had blocks of wood on her car’s gas and brake pedals and a phonebook on her seat. I am not even making this shit up. It was during the beginning of summer when she decided to wear some kind of tank top shit and I looked over at her and she smiled at me and I saw the fuckin armpit hair and gagged. She probably hadn’t shaved in decades and the shit was thicker than my wife’s labia and wet from sweat and I just lost it and threw the fuck up.

Since then, I’ve met lesbians and hippies and feminists and environmentalists and people who don’t wear shoes and shit like that and whenever I see a bitch rockin’ armpit hair I think of my hairy midget and freak the fuck out and whenever the chick is hot or has some kind of potential of being hot and I see that shit it ruins her. It’s like this time I was with this really hot chick with these legs that never ended and as I worked my way up to her box and moved her underwear aside, I saw testicles and had to PEACE THE FUCK OUT. Ok that never happened, but it could have happened and if it did I am sure armpit hair would be the least of my worries….but you get the fuckin’ point that Danielle Lloyd may have been some kind of slut sex symbol from the UK because she was Miss England, but this armpit hair move is obviously some kind of obscure self-destructive behavior because it pretty much takes everything she worked for and throws it all down the toilet and all it took was a couple weeks to grow that shit out. I guess it’s not as bad for you as dying of a drug overdose.

Everyone says that Britney is a wreck because she goes out in short dresses and doesn’t care if her ass is hanging out. I call it a miracle because there was a time that she was a candy-coated popstar we all wished would turn into a dirty slut who gets naked on command and who pretty much walks around naked all the time. It may have taken two kids and an over-eating disorder and lots of paparazzi in her face for a long enough time before realizing that she can’t shit without the world knowing to break her down, but the time has come and we should all fucking embrace it, because it is what we always wanted.

Now this is probably one of the shittiest upskirt ass shots I’ve seen of hers, but like every loser with a celebrity blog, I saw a little ass cheek and that made it worthy of a post. I am trying to convince a group of girls next to me in the starbucks to come back to my place for a hot tub party. They will be disappointed when they find out that the closest thing I have to a hot tub is a kettle and a bucket, but I have them considering coming over and hanging out in their underwear since they don’t have bikinis. I am a fucking awesome considering what I have going for me…which is pretty much nothing. If you’re wondering why I am at Starbucks, it’s because my neighbor who I think killed himself’s internet was cut off,

Point of all this is to say I would love to do Britney, I’d love to smell the kitchen garbage variety of scents that exudes from her box, because let’s face it, I’ve done dirtier, poorer, trashier, fatter bitches that her and comparatively she’s a fucking gem.

Bonus - Some Pictures of Britney with some Hired Friends, Sitting Like a Man at LAX in Vegas, DJ AM’s new Gayer than Bicycle Shorts Club, where he makes all the woman sit like men, cuz it gets him off. He’s so weird.

Bonus - Britney Before going to LA showing a little shitty upskirt and rockin’ some huge cans…