Tara Reid has taught me so much out of life. First,i there’s no reason to not treat everyday like it’s a fucking party if you have made stupid money in stupid movies and you don’t really need to work the 9-5 grind like an asshole and instead can spend your life drinking and tanning around the world in a bikini. Second, that if you lose a bet that requires you to get plastic surgery on the dancefloor by some contraband plastic surgeon in a third world country, take the high road and don’t go through with the shit, because your nipples and stomach will suffer. Third, if you are engaged to an MTV VJ who has dreams of having his own talkshow that no one watches, escape when you ca and today she teaches us that wearing a shirt makes you look a fuck of a lot better than wearing a bikini, because your hard nipples aim in the right place and we don’t have to get distracted by the mess of scars we can’t avoid when you are half naked. So I guess she’s not a useless party slut after all, but instead a philosopher changing the way we think at least changing the way we think about her, because these hard nipple pics save those bikini pics….

Jennifer Aniston’s nipples are always hard, I remember that shit being the only reason I watched Friends, or thought that she was hot in any way. But today’s hard nipple is different and not a hard nipple of happiness but a hard nipple of desperation. It stems from the news that the love of her life and ex-husband, Brad Pitt, who wouldn’t get her pregnant, has just given birth to not 1 but 2 babies with another woman.

You know that as she cries on the inside, the only baby cries she hears are the ones in her broken reams and her nipple is feeling that pain and it slowly puts itself out there in some kind of hormonal reaction to the news, just hoping there was a baby of its own to feed, but no matter how hard it looks or tries, it won’t find one, becaue there isn’t one.