I heard when girls get pregnant, their nipples turn dark brown, so it’s safe to say that Ashlee Simpson has herself some African nipples and shit are hard while she’s out shopping with her fat baby filled uterus while Jessica sits at home crying and eating a container of ice cream because no one she wants is willing to knock her up, which is unfortunate because I know I would. Shit’s a pretty solid retirement plan, one better that knocking Ashlee Simpson.

The only mystery in all this is who knocked up this Simpson and why is Pete Wentz taking the blame, because everyone knows he’s scared of vagina, mainly his own.

Here’s some bonus pictures of Ashlee Simpson yesterday dressed like a french painter or someone married to a commerical Emo sexually confused asshole or a sailer at the ragatta lookin’ fat and fat tittied because she’s pregnant and not because she’s wearing horizontal stripes. See, I know fashion.

Cheryl Tweedy Cole is hot. She’s also a Posh Spice rip off. She’s from the UK, she’s in a girl band, she’s got a Soccer playing husband and now she’s got rock hard nipples. This girl is fuckin’ skinny and I like it.

I’ve decided that my enemy is the whole institution of Eating Disorder clinics because it encourages skinny girls, or girls who know what’s important, like not eating that pint of Ice Cream, to look at their lifestyle choices as unhealthy or bad. They try to convince them that they have a negative body image, when all they are trying to do is look good at all costs and they train them to get back into eating, so that they put on weight, because they are just jealous of their discipline.

The one thing that isn’t my enemy is air conditioning and/or a brisk breeze, because it makes nipples hard and is natures way of telling me that it gets more pussy than me. I don’t even remember the last time I got a girl’s nipples hard, I figure it’s cuz I do my best at avoiding anything involving my wife’s disgusting tits, but maybe it’s just cuz I’ve got no game.

Either way, here’s a skinny Cheryl Tweedy Cole doing her best Posh Spice impersonation and lookin’ pretty good while doing it.

The question of the day is while Heath Ledger is out dying, Lohan is out doing drugs secretly and not in public while wearing leggings, Paris Hitlon is starring in a movie she produced and a whole bunch of other celebrity sluts are out getting knocked up and giving birth, where the fuck has Sienna Miller been….

These are some pictures of her getting in her car with her nipples, just to remind you that she’s still alive and still worth convincing to let you cum on her stomach in hopes of some of it dripping down and getting her pregnant because it would really turn you on and make financial sense, provided you had that kind of conviction because as it stands now the only thing your penis has got pregnant is your hand, bed sheets, an old t-shirt, your mom’s panties and a 40 bottle and that was on a dare with yourself, just to see if it would fit and you won. That’s what makes playing games with yourself just as fun as playing with yourself.