I am hungover. I went out last night at 9 and drank until 6 in the morning. The problem with that is that I got no stories to tell because I don’t remember much of anything that happened. I didn’t get in fights, I didn’t start shit, I didn’t embarrass myself any more that I usually embarrass myself, I just drank amongst a whole lot of 18 year olds because I am a lot like Cameron Diaz, I figure if I pretend I am still a kid, the kids will just think I’m still a kid too, and will want my dick. Reality is that both Cameron Diaz and I are washed up, useless people, with nothing but depressing roads ahead, but delusion allows us to go on and not jump off a very high building.

Here are those pictures of Cameron Diaz reclaiming her youth by acting like she’s 5, so people overlook the fact that she’s going to be 40 soon. Point of all this is to say, she’s still got a good ass.