Hayden Panettiere is trying to hide from the paparazzi because she is leaving a club and she isn’t 21. Boring. Who gives a fuck, I’ve been drinking consistently since I was 14, I was in bars at 16, at 20, I was drunk everyday, fucking random whores and it was a good fucking time, it’s not like this bitch is 12 and wrecking shit up.
That said, celebrity pussy just doesn’t have the same fucking appeal it used to have a few years ago when the starlets were a group of troubled souls everyone idolized on a rampage, doing drugs, taking full advantage of their position, and since those girls have slowly disappeared and people have lost interest, no one has taken their place, so instead of posting about Lohan all night sex parties, I’m stuck talking about a bitch leaving a clube a few months before her 21st birthday. Fuck yourself.
The only thing funny about this is how small Hayden looks in the arm of an asian and I know how small asians are making me realize just how big my little dick would look in her midget hand. It’d me like fucking a 7 year old and I know all you weirdos love that shit….
Here are some of the hottest pictures of Lindsay Lohan that I’ve seen in a while, maybe it’s because I like girls who cover their faces up in shame, because girls who are proud of their slut behavior makes me nervous, but I like to think it’s got more to do with me knowing that she’s probably covering her face, trying to hide something, like from being totally wasted and wasted usually means she won’t be alert enough to realize she’s got some strangers dick inside her, but in Lohan’s case, that’s usually got more to do with having a numb pussy and not really anything to do with her level of sobriety.
BONUS – Here she is in Malibu lookin’ a little less fuckable, you know since passed out drunk chicks are way easier to stick your dick inside of than young starlets shopping during the day, at least that’s what I’ve always thought…
If you’re wondering why sexy Lindsay Lohan is covering her face, it’s because she got a face tattoo like Mike Tyson did after he got out of prison, as a symbol to never forget, because in a lot of ways, she just escaped a prison of her own and that is a lesbian relationships, because they are hell, you know since girls are needy/emotional/crazy/get their periods/want to cuddle/love male attention that isn’t yours/always creating drama and issues because they are psychos who need dudes to control them to keep them in check like nature had originally planned for them, before they got all independent and weird and I blame the media for that.
I like Rihanna, I think she’s got something hot about her, maybe it’s because she’s from the islands, acts slutty and laid back like a girl who likes to lie in bed all day and suck your dick, maybe it’s because Jay Z exploited her and didn’t pay her much making her never lose her chambermaid roots, maybe it’s cuz she’s a number 1 popstar but none of that matters, what does matter is that I have never seen Rihanna look as good as this. She’s on some Michael Jackson post plastic surgery kick, maybe she finally got that nose job she needs, and that makes me want to jerk off and use that scarf as a cum rag while Chris Brown dances around…
I’d just like the thank Hayden Panettiere for doing us all a favor and covering that midget head of hers while leaving some event, probably wasted, because little people can’t stomach booze the same way you can, and Hollywood people don’t like the negative press they get for being drunken whores who hang out with crotch grabbing Lil Wayne motherfuckers.
I remember hanging out at my friend’s cottage with his 10 year old son because everyone had gone to bed and decided that I wasn’t going to drink alone, that shit is for alcoholics and convinced the little bastard to do some whiskey shots with me. It was funny for the first half hour, with him dancing around like an idiot and saying all kinds of crazy shit, before the fucker got alochol poisoning and ended up puking all over the place, waking up his parents and leading to me being kicked out of the house in the middle of fucking no where and losing a relatively good friend, but I assume no responsibility for it, because I am not the one who left me, a bottle of booze and a punk kid bored in the woods with nothing but drinking to do together.
That experience made me decide that I am good with kids and that I don’t actually hate them and I tried signing up to Big Brother’s of America but got refused when I told them the reason for joining was because my friends are old and tired and I am lookin’ to recruit an new little drinking buddy. Fucking Facists.
Seeing Sienna Miller hiding from the paparazzi because she doesn’t like the press she’s getting for being a homewrecking slut and is ashamed of herself for being a homewrecking slut, but not ashamed enough to pursue a married man by throwing her drunk desperate vagina at him when they were working together, reminds me a lot of my sex life. Not because it involves these Hollywood stories of passion, but because everytime I ever woke up with a hard on next to a girl I brought home with me after a night of hard drinking, who I’d wake up by trying to shove my dick inside her ass and my fingers inside her mouth would scream, jump out of bed, run to the corner of the room in the fetal postion while covering her face and shaking in fear, but all those games never stopped me, sure maybe it wasn’t role playing, but if I told myself at the time I’d have to come to terms with the fact that I actually raped them and I slept a lot easier thinking that it was just an act on their part.
Hayden Panettiere is built like a large piece of machinery that you shouldn’t operate while on allergy medication, which is probably pretty shitty for her boyfriend she’s on set with who is probably always on allergy medication because he is clearly Jewish and like most jews suffers from asthma, allergies and is lactose intolerant, making thier sex pretty entertaining to watch with all that wheezing, mucus and diarhea.
Here she is covering up her box of a body and by default her box because she realizes that no one wants to see that shit, except for maybe an awkward Jewish guy with Asthma, allergies and who is lactose intollerant because he appreciates her pussy since it’s the only pussy he’s got because all the girls in highschool were more into the jocks than the school newspaper editor.
The sad news for you is that Hayden and her fridge of a body is hotter than anything you’ve stuck your dick in.
Looks like Megan Fox just found out that we all know she’s been having sex with Brian Austin Green of 90210 fame and she’s embarrassed and hiding. I guess whenever your dirty little secrets get out, it takes a little while to get over it because you know that despite the friendly faces and smiles people give you, they actually think you’re some kind of deranged sexual deviant. Kinda like that time your mom walked in on you jerking off to gay porn or the time you got arrested for kidnapping that girl, undressing her and lockin’ her in your basement for 24 hours before letting her go but keeping her panties as a souvenir leading to your big debut on the local news and on the cover of the local paper making your family, friends and colleagues really fuckin’ proud to know you.
The truth is that sacrificing a hot pussy to such a lame motherfucker is even worse than any of those things as far as embarrassment goes. Shit proves to the world that you either have no standards, no self respect, or some kind of twisted sexual appetite that involves losers. In reality, his dick murdered her sex appeal and he should be the one arrested, but unfortunately she let it happen and for that – she’s summoned to this walk of shame.
The good news is that like the time you got caught by your mom doing inappropriate things people are supposed to do themselves, it will blow over, because time heals but you know that every time she looks at you, she still shudders in shame…because I guess somethings just aren’t so easy to forget no matter how much drugs, booze, or time goes by. Brian Austin Green is one of those things but I’d still stuff this bitch like a thanksgiving turkey, but that’s only because I don’t have shit on Brian Austin Green, he’s actually cooler than I am and that is one of the many reasons I’ve contemplated suicide.
I read somewhere that Lohan’s mother thinks that Lohan is an artist, which is a lot like your mom telling you that you’re really handsome and that you’ll find yourself a woman who sees it one day, but until then you always have mommy to take care of you….
It turns out that the artist formerly known as Lohan has landed a new job opposite Jack Black which I guess is a sure sign of art, but more like the art that the homeless man down the street makes with his shit on the bus shelter and in public bathrooms and less like something that kids will be analyzing in schools 20 years down the road because shit is genius….
Since I hate Jack Black, I am going to assume that he’s the reason she’s hiding from the cameras, because she has to accept that she’s thrown her shit career down the toilet and this is the shit she has to eat to try to climb her way out of the gutter. Kind of like when I worked at the factory for years hoping that eventually lead to something better until realizing that working in a factory leads to nowhere, kinda like starring opposite Jack Black. I can’t wait to see the fat sex scene because you know she always throws herself at the closest penis in the room and seeing Lohan get fucked by a fat dude will help make my fantasies more realistic.
I guess the real reason she’s hiding from the cameras is because she’s shy about her topless photoshoot and by topless photoshoot I mean cold sores from suckin’ dick outbreak.
Here are some pictures of Nicole Richie hiding from the cameras because she’s finally realized that she’s ugly, or maybe the fact that she let some gay dude who fucks his twin brother because they feel like it’s not gay but masturbation since they are pretty much the same person and because it helps them create the shittiest music out there, impregnate her and now it’s too late to abort the fucker has finally set in…
The truth is that I would totally Good Charlotte this whore, because Good Charlotte are a bunch of faggots and fags like anal sex and i never turn down a girl when she asks for anal, especially when pregnant because I have issues with fucking 2 people at once, especially when one of those people is only a 5 month old fetus.
These are pictures from Paris’ party a couple of days ago that were taken after Nicole had a minor car accident as she was leaving. Who the fuck cares.
What I do care about is how considerate she is being in this time of distress. Normally, this group of girls are so fucking self-absorbed that if they aren’t talking about how great they are, ripping into each other, doing as many drugs as possible to feed their insecure broken selves, or having meaningless relationships and one night stands with guys they find hot because lacking substance and being superficial is all that matters in their eating disorder self-destructive lives. But I guess with Paris going to jail they are all a little thrown off because she was the leader of the pack, and now in an attempt to make the world a better place and in efforts to aid mankind, Nicole Richie has decided to hide her little rat face from all of us and I just wanted to say Thanks….
Normally, I would have been offended by her giving me the finger, but knowing that God has been as cruel as he has been to her, I figure I’d let it slide. It’s like the time a dude with Downs Syndrome punched me in the face in highschool. He had a crush on my girlfriend and saw me grabbing her tits in the park. Either way, he fucking hit me hard because people with retardations seem to be fucking strong, like their body made up for their brain was lacking. Anyway, when he hit me I apologized and walked away instead of getting mad, because sometimes, having sympathy for those less fortunate is a better way to live….
