One of the stranger things that I remember from TV in the nineties was trying to make sense of Tori Spelling’s breast dent after her dad bought her a set of tits on 90210. I think it had to do with her being pigeon chested like this dude I know who was born pre-mature to a drug and alcohol addicted mother and grew up to have the weirdest shaped borderline crippled body that lead to him wearing numerous braces and harnesses so that he wouldn’t fall apart when he banged his wife. She told me it was like fucking a cyborg…a very frail asthmatic cyborg.

One of the stranger things that I remember since the nineties is that some meal ticket motherfucker actually got it on with Tori Spelling to the point of knockin’ her up twice. That’s about the level of knocking up, where using the “I was drunk” excuse doesn’t fly.

I’d still bang her and her saturated womb, but that’s cuz she’ll always be the virgin on 90210 for me and I kinda have a crush on virgins. The truth is that I don’t actually like virgins because they are either too young or too socially awkward but I pretend I do for the sake of posts, that’s just how versatile I am.

I guess I shouldn’t rip into Sophie Monk for having been with the Good Charlotte sister who is now with Paris Hilton because I’ve probably talked about it a few times and shit is played out. She already dropped his ass and I think it’s time for me to move on too. It looks like Sophie Monk’s got a new pussy to throw it to that is a much better lookin’ in women’s panties than the last one, which isn’t saying much because he only wore them when he was writing his shitty songs, which wasn’t that often. It’s safe to say that this upgrade’s probably got a fresher and smaller vagina than Benji’s new find, but to be fair, everybody does so I guess that’s not saying all that much about her, but it is saying that Benji got a shitty deal with Sophie Monk looks like this and is hitting the streets more and more now that he’s out of the fuckin’ picture. I guess if I was involved with such a cunt, I’d keep myself locked up for fear of being seen in public. Shit’s embarassing, like the time I was dating a 4 fingered (on both hands) ablino who was about 70 pounds overweight, which amazed me since she didn’t have many fingers to shovel food down her throat fast enough to get to that level, but she managed to pull it off somehow and she always insisted I take her out for milkshakes after I fucked her and I’d always refuse. I have no issue admitting I have no standards to myself but I am not about to do it in front of my peers to judge me, not to mention I didn’t want her to think I was her boyfriend because I know the sex would have ended, she’d just want to cuddle and I’d have to admit that I am not just a pervert but actually a loser and at 15, I wasn’t ready to come to terms with that.

Janice Dickinson makes me feel like an asshole for jerking off to the geriatric aquarobics class at my local community center when there are elderly women out there who still look better than the younger chicks I’ve seen naked.

I know she’s had a lot of work done and is pretty much 80 percent made of plastic but shit’s working for me. Sure her ass is sloppy and her skin is leathery but if you saw the 50 year old bitches who I’ve been with, you’d think of me in a totally different way, or maybe you would expect it from me, it doesn’t matter. What does matter is that what it comes down to is that old ladies are easy, willing, experienced and can’t get pregnant because of their dried up wombs, pretty much the perfect situation to have, except for the grey pussy hair, impending smell of death and most importantly the constant harassment of making sure I didn’t want another freshly baked cookie after eating 6.

Here is some more Janice Dickinson bikini action because she hasn’t died of heat exhaustion like my 60 year old neighbor did last summer during the heat wave and that’s worth celebrating….

I think after doing this site for close to 4 years, I have finally come to terms with the fact that I am some kind of sick pervert with major psychological issues. I don’t really feel bad about it because I am not hurting anyone in the process and after talking to people over the years realize that my sick demented perversions are like kindergarden on the scale of perversion. I am like when you get with with a girl and she sticks her finger in your ass or wants to roll play on the most basic level and not perverted when a girl starts busting out strap ons or introducing trannies to the bedroom or making you pretend to be her dad by wearing his favorite sweater and doing it on his favorite chair while he watches. It is tame and harmless and unfortunately for me it finds Janice Dickinson pretty fuckin’ hot, even with her old lady skin hanging off her skinny little body. She looks tight for an old lady, which may not be saying much because I can guarantee that vagina is like a Yaros, built from the inside out and perfect for bringing home your groceries, but there’s just something about her that is hot.

I guess her stamina is also part of the reason I want to watch her fuck. All this running around and shit and she didn’t drop dead from a heart attack or stroke. I hear a lifetime of eating disorders, drug and alcohol abuse destroys hearts, but I guess those scientists were wrong. Even though, I know that anytime I have a coke binge or drink too much or even smoke one too many cigars, the thought of getting off my couch makes my heart skip a couple of beats and leaves me out of breath and clinging to my wife’s thigh for the life of me - like shit’s all about to end…it never does though…unfortunately.

It was reported that these are pictures of Sophie Monk and Paris Hilton’s boyfriend pizza boy she found on the streets of New York a few months ago and decided to take under her labia and turn into some kind of male model, at least that’s the line she used to get him in her unprotected because I guess a slut like her doesn’t like condoms very much, and her uterus is so damaged from abortions that pregnancy scares just don’t happen anymore, and dude liked promises of riches and fame, so he did it. It’s like that time I used to tell girls I could make her famous because I was a producer and working on a yet to be released MTV show and all she had to do was suck me off to get an audition, sure i had my share of rejection but it was a numbers game and there was always a bitch dumb enough to fall for it.

Either was, I was pretty disgusted thinking that Sophie Monk did a wife swap with Paris Hilton, since Paris is fuckin’ her Good Charlotte sister and now she was supposed to be fuckin’ her import model, because I figured that Sophie Monk got the short end of the deal. Sure, fucking a phallic lookin’ object is better than fuckin’ Benji Madden, but not if Paris had been there first. I started thinking about how I don’t even like fucking my wife when she tells me about previous dudes she’s fucked or masturbated to, because it takes away my virgin thoughts I had of her. I knew she had kids, but I just figured it was some kind of immaculate conception and that I was the only person dirty enough to get in that. I also always hated getting with whores and being able to smell the last dirty homeless motherfucker who got a piece of her and I never liked fuckin’ girls when I knew their past sexual partners by face because everytime I fucked them all I could imagine is them there first and it made me feel like a bigger loser than I knew I already was.

A girl like Sophie Monk has the potential dating pool that is far deeper than any dating pool I’ve ever swam in, and even I managed to avoid fuckin’ sloppy seconds. Incestuous Hollywood is disgusting and the reason most actors are dirtier than pornstars, but the good news is that this isn’t even pictures of Sophie Monk and that this whole post was just a huge waste of time. Too late to not publish it now. Asshole.

These pictures of Claudia Schiffer for GQ dropped recently and I didn’t post it yet because my server sucks. It’s no surprise that bitch looks good. I’ve written about her before saying that she’s got it going on for a mom of 3 in her 40s about to dry up in menopause and I stand by that. Then again you have to realize that I have never had much of an issue with mom’s in menopause because they always try harder and a little warming lube always gives the illusion that the vagina isn’t dead.

I get a lot of hate mail from both men and women for making fun of pregnancy and how it rapes your body. I say shit like the reason a woman loves her baby so much is because of that baby, no other man will ever love her. It’s kinda like how every girl I’ve ever dated has turned lesbian for a couple of years after dating me, and it’s not because I was too much man and destroyed them physically, it’s more like I’m vile and turned them off the gender as a whole because I am just that good at being vile, but I gotta give it to Claudia Schiffer, she’s really bounced back and has a nice slim body after making babies. Sure her ass is kinda flat, but I’d take a mom with a flat ass over a fat ass, but then again my opinion is not fact since she’s wearing pants and I can’t see the kind of damage passing that kid has done to her vagina…I heard she couldn’t walk for a week…no wait that was you, after letting your friend fuck you up the ass because you were dying for human contact and didn’t care where it came from…..

Here are some pictures of Elle Macpherson from the other day showin’ a little bra because she’s still got it going on for an old lady.

She is the woman who first introduced me to Australian Bikini models during a 1988 cover of SI and I still think she’s probably a better fuck now than she was then. Not only has Elle probably had more loads in her than either of them, but she’s also in her pre-menopausal prime that makes her want to bounce on as many dicks as she can before her vagina dries up and stops working. KInda like how my wife gets when see sees the staff at the Chinese Buffet closing up….

I have a thing for Sophie Monk and I think it’s got to do with her being hot despite lookin’ like some kind of puppy, with her unusual lookin’ face that probably took unusual amounts of loads with her unusually big lips, making her unusually a good fuckin’ time…..

Unfortunately, those loads came from the Good Charlotte Sister who is obviously rebounding badly with a major downgrade , but it was never meant to be….not because she’s too good for him, because she is but because he had a hard time pretending she was his twin brother and could never get past the fact that she wasn’t. Sure he’d closed his eyes and visualized, but she just wasn’t where she needed to be. Twins are connected on some weird level making sex with your twin some kind of masturbation miracle…you know when you’re asked if you’d suck your dick if you could…well these brothers get pretty close and no matter how hot Sophie Monk was, or how hard she tried, she always came in second. I guess blood really is thicker than water….

Not to mention physically she was all wrong. She had long blond hair, while his brother had short brown hair, she had tits and a vagina while his brother only had a vagina while writing his shitty songs that teens everywhere ate up like it was the coming of christ when really it was just the bi-product of brothers cumming on brothers…..

Sophie Monk Has Talents - If Playing the Flute With Her Nose is a Talent

Sophie Monk Sings and Dances in her Underwear

Here’s a big surprise. Rihanna couldn’t sing when she was in high school and that must mean she’s a talentless whore who is over produced in the studio to the point of selling a ton of records with songs that are constantly on the radio or in clubs, to the point where me and every one I know know all the fuckin’ words to them.

So this teaches us two things. One, that you don’t need to have talent or skills to be successful, you need to know how to suck a good dick and manipulate that dick into giving you what you want so you should just drop out of school now because it’s a waste of time. The second thing is that if something is marketed enough the general public will get tricked into thinking it is good even when it’s not because we’re all fuckin’ drones to that shit who are easily manipulated.

When I was in high school there was this mutant lookin’ girl in my 8th grade class. All the cool guys who hated me because I was an import were convinced that she was hot because she had tits and hips, while the other girls didn’t. At first I protested and told them bitch looked like a fuckin mutant man who was in some kind of horrible car accident that left her face lookin’ like the mess that it was, but they wouldn’t budge and called me a fag for thinking that, repeatedly, while beating me up and giving me wedgies because playing with boys underwear was something anyone who thought this bitch was hot would do. Eventually, I started to believe and figured there was something wrong with me for not wanting to fuck her, so I ended up rubbing it out to her yearbook pictures during the weekly circle jerk despite thinkin’ she was a broken down pick up truck of a girl, but because I just wanted to fit in.

I guess that’s the same kind of thing that happens every time anyone dances to a Rihanna song or watches her video, but that’s just because circle jerks aren’t going anywhere. They’re here for life. That must make you happy. Weirdo.

Here are some pictures of Rihanna and Chris Brown in a Pool Together Because They are Fuckin’ or Pretending to Fuck to Help Record Sales….because they are both pretty popular now so it only seems natural…so natural it should be on the nature channel.

I posted a link to this video in my stepLINKS last night, but since you asshoels and don’t support what I do, you probably didn’t see it. It’s a video of her acting like an annoying bitch but she’s in a bra so the words she says and the dances she does don’t phase me and that is why hot girls are my poison.

I am the kind of guy who will put up with so much fuckin’ bullshit from a hot girl just because I like lookin’ at her and for the most part every hot chick I’ve come across in my life has been an idiot, probably because they are hot and never really had to refine their personality to be socially acceptable because they were always given what they wanted and that’s why hot girls are their own breed of human because the rules the rest of us have to follow just don’t apply to them. The the only rule that should apply to them is to get in my soiled bed, ignore my fat wife and the damp sheets from her sweating, pretend the shit smell they are smelling is roses, and let me give them a full body massage with my tongue, and that includes their asshole.

So bitch is rockin a bikini on the beaches of the Virgin Islands, which is kind of appropriate because you’re jerking off to these pics and well, let’s face it, fucking yourself doesn’t count as losing your virginity….I don’t know why I bother with the you’re a virgin jokes, they really aren’t funny but I guess funny isn’t really my thing…

The reality is that I write this site for hot chicks and if you’re reading this and not a hot chick, you’re seriously fucking up my masterplan. I figure hot chicks like celebrity shit and I don’t so it’s a sacrifice I am willing to make in attempts for getting them to fly me out to Virgin Islands or really any tropical place, including their bathrooms, because compared to the shit hole I shit in, the local gas station bathroom is luxury, to watch them frolick around in a bikini, but only because the hot chicks I am interested and who I am writing for are also rich and willing to support me.

This is all part of my hot chick brainwashing quest, because I am tired of seeing hot chicks with guys I consider losers, even though they are good looking and have money and cars and buy them nice things and treat them better than I will, because Chachi motherfuckers and their magnums of Grey Goose with their gel haired dropping jokes from some shitty movie they just saw or doing the Borat are the people who deserve to be virgins.

Either way, Here are them there pics.