Party sluts are the new porn sluts because they dress the same and fuck in exchange for free booze instead of money and they don’t usually do it on camera unless the dude who is feeding the party slut booze is smart enough, which he usually isn’t because being the dude who feeds girls booze out of his overpriced bottle, is usually a prime example of how retarded he is……

It’s like every club’s got half naked girls bottle whoring themselves onto cunt’s in Ed Hardy T-shirts who have bottle’s of Goose, despite mixing that shit down with cranberry juice because they don’t like the burn of alcohol and could be mixing rubbing alcohol in the shit because it’s a lot cheaper, but that doesn’t have the same effect on people or impress girls as much as a 300 dollar bottle to go with their 100 dollar t-shirt that probably cost 2 dollars to make in some third world country, and a pair of 300 dollar jeans that make their asses look appealing to sluts who just want to get a free drink because they want to save their slut money to buy themselves something special like a new bra or sheer panties to flash at unsuspecting assholes who are trying to look like they are ballin’ when in reality work a normal 9-5 and are just what you call a 9-5 Millionaire, or someone with no money, just a line of credit because he’s held his job at the call center long enough to be considered a low risk.

It’s all overcompensation bullshit but not as overcompensating as Jodie Marsh’s retarded tits.

In a poor trashy family, when the daughter turns 18 and decides to follow their mom’s footsteps into a lifelong career of stripping, she gets the mother’s implant hand me downs when the mom decides it’s time to upgrade because the only way she’ll land a lap dance is if she has cartoon like tits.

In a rich trashy family, they just get the daughter a set of implants for her 16th birthday because having a flat chested daughter would make people question how real her mom’s tits were, and no one wants to be outted as the middle aged woman with fake tits in the neighborhood, it’s better to keep people wondering….That is until you go out in a bikini and prove to the world that the only thing faker than these tits are your hair and maybe your divorce since it’s a good way to take attention away from your car racing son and his crippling driving skills.

I was always a fan of hand me downs when I was a kid and was forced to wear my foster sister’s jogging pants. I never really complained, sure the pink pants didn’t make me many friends, but I could still get off to the period stain she left behind and at the time that was better than jerking off to National Geographic or Three’s Company. I guess I’ve just always had a thing for fertility….a Fertility that Linda Hogan hasn’t seen in quite a few years, sure she may look good enough to fuck because washed up strippers turn me on, but I know that the steroids have left her barren and there’s nothing hot about pre-mature menopause, except for the whole not being able to get pregnant part and not getting sentenced to the bitch for life, or until the kid dies of a birth defect caused by my broken down sperm that’s seen it’s fair share of toxins and now is seeing the world in human form, makes for a good time.

I was going to live blog the Academy Awards, then I realized that it would be more exciting to Live Blog a a fucking funeral because shit is equally depressing but at least at a funeral you can seduce a mourning new widow to get in your bed and suck your dick in her recent vulnerable state.

I tried to watch 5 minutes of the shit, but turned it off because I don’t have a TV and was forced to go to this queer 80 year old neighbor’s house, when dude pulled out his dick and started jerking off to Jane Russell or some other hot pussy from his day, I figured it was time to book.

To lighten the post Oscar depression, here are some pictures of Brooke Hogan acting a fool with her fake tits that she tries to pretend aren’t fake tits on the beach. Despite her amazing beach dance moves, she will never win an Oscar, but at least she’s already won our hearts. Right….

I was surprised to see these pictures of Jordan’s nipples because I assumed with all the surgery she’s had the fucker would have fallen off by now but I was wrong, it happens. I guess she just doesn’t have any sensation left in her tit, so when it busts out of stupid bustiers she doesn’t realize it.

Here she is signing some book she apparently wrote herself or something equally obnoxious like thinking any of us care about anything about her beyond her tits, but not as obnoxious as the fact that she has a stage name and a real name like every stripper who has broken my heart and pornstar I’ve had sex with without them knowing and not because my small penis doesn’t touch the walls of their big porn vaginas, but because they weren’t in the room with me. Or as obnoxious as her stripping outfit that she wore out in public or as if it shouldn’t have been left at home in the bedroom for her freaky husband. But not as obnoxious as her retarded baby Harvey when you steal his ball from him….and no I’m not talking about mommy’s breast implant she left lying around the house…oh wait…yes I am….that big little dude’s got some superhero strength when he doesn’t get his retarded way….

Either way, it’s Valentine’s Day and I wish you and the homemade fake vagina you call your lover a glorious day. I just hope that model glue, popsicle sticks and chewed up pink bubble gum last another couple of months for you, because I’d hate to see you alone.

I was at a bar drinking my life away, as I sometimes do and this busty middle-aged hooker Pam Anderson is her idol bitch sat down next to me. She was wearing a “Guess” t-shirt, so I said 36 D, and instead of slapping me, she liked the attention and said 36 DD. The sad party of this story is that this pick-up line is fucking genius, but the only bitches who rock “Guess” t-shirts are trashy older ladies that buy the shit at the discount center. There was a time when every chachi motherfucker girl and cheap french slut rocked this shit in this city. It’s not the cool choice anymore because all the bitches are into American Apparel or designer clothes, but if you’re from some trashy town, you may have the chance to drop this line and should, because a girl in guess is a girl who likes talking about her tits.

Here are some pictures of Pam Anderson’s ridiculously huge tits and hard nipples in some parachuting outfit, lookin like every cheap stripper who still thinks Guess is cool.

I think drinking has ruined my ability to tell stories. I’ll work on that for later today, when I sober up, or get more drunk that shit makes more sense to me.

You know what the world is missing, sluts who are bleached blond and have fake tits. I feel like I don’t see enough of these kinds of girls every time I leave my fucking house and hit up the strip club or every time I land on a porn site and I don’t even live in LA where I can only imagine these kinds of girls are the norm, but I will never know, because I traveling is too much work for me.

Whenever I see a girl who looks like this, I try to think about her motivation, even though instinctively, I assume they are too stupid to have motivations, but I still wonder if she is trying to be a sex object from the 90s like Anna Nicole Smith, Pam Anderson or Jenna Jameson that every guy wants to fuck and if so, who the fuck told her that that is what guys want to fuck. I know girls like to be the girl guys look at and want to fuck, but maybe that had nothing to with her look and she came up with it all on her own and this shit isn’t trying to look like anyone, it’s just them being themselves and the fake tits were purchased by them because they liked them and it wasn’t to make themselves feel better about themselves and it wasn’t because they were insecure about having small uneven tits that took away from guys wanting to fuck them or because they know big tits are a good way to draw in all the chachi and frat boy attention. Maybe they rock slutty clothing, because they are comfortable having their tits hanging out and showing the world their cunts, and not because people will look their way thinkin’ “fuck I want my dick in that”. Maybe the spend hours in front of the mirror doing their hair and make-up because cosmetology is a fucking passion of theirs and it’s got nothing to do with trying to cover up any flaw they may have or enhance features they think people will noticed enhanced and want to cum all over…

I am sure being a fake tit girl with bleached blond hair has nothing to do with being insecure and craving male attention, I am sure it’s just a style thing and I haven’t got any real issues with it, because the more insecure sluts there are in the world, the more chances you have in getting laid, and I am a fan of you getting laid because I don’t want my 3 reader team sucking at life like I do. It reflects badly on me and I like Victoria Silvstedt at the World Music Awards 2 days ago, care about our public image. That’s why she lets Greek Midget Billionaires eat her out in public and sues me for posting the pics…and doesn’t just get into porn and encourage all the publicity she can get. She’s classy. Cunt.

Girls don’t understand that after we’re through banging them, we really want nothing to do with them, until the next time we want to bang them and have no better pussy lined up. That’s how people end up married, they get hooked on the constant sex that takes little to no work to get, because we are lazy. The same goes for porn. Once we’ve seen a girl fuck a ton of dudes and suck a ton of dicks, we’ve pretty much got no use for her, because we know we’d never fuck her and if we really wanted to, we’d just have to come up with about 10,000 dollars, because all pornstars escort on the side. So I don’t even know why I am posting these Tera Patrick pics, she’s pretty much dead to me and I don’t even watch porn. People never believe me when I say that, but it’s true. Maybe it’s because my penis doesn’t work and I can’t pretend I am the dude fucking some nasty big pussied whore but I think it’s just because I don’t like what porn chicks look like. I am more into amateur shit, but that’s just because watching real couples fuck is real and not performance art like the studio shit, not that there’s much art or performing involved, but shit’s not real.

Either way, here’s Tera Patrick wearing more clothes than we’re used to seeing her disgusting ass in, eating more food than her fat back probably needs and rockin’ out with her pimp of a husband who probably feels like he won the lottery, but that’s just because he’s bald and Jewish and she’s good for business, and by business I mean managing her is his source of income…but I am sure they are in love….just look how he sticks his tongue out at her like she’s an ice cream cone if you don’t believe me…because everyone loves ice cream, especially my wife.

I was always a fan of dudes who would make or support their girlfriends when they flash their asses or tits in public. Those are the kinds of guys I am happy to be around because they just don’t give a fuck about much and like having a good time and because I usually get to see their girlfriend slutting out in some way or another. I fucking hate overbearing dudes who get all raging when their girl talks to me, or when I ask them if I can see their girlfriend’s pussy. Like last night I was talking to some girl in sexy lingerie just about random bullshit and her boyfriend just stared at me like he wanted to kill me, when I asked her who her bodyguard she told me it was her boyfriend, and I wished her good luck because for the rest of the time together, she’s going to have some asshole looking over her shoulder everytime she talks to another dude and that shit leads to spousal abuse. My theory is that just because you’re in love with the bitch and are fucking the bitch, doesn’t mean the bitch can’t show me a little especially if I have no plan on touching. Maybe I don’t care because I’ve never really had a girlfriend I had any respect for and no one wants to see my wife naked because she’s disgusting, even her doctor asks her to keep her clothes on when she gets her gynecological exam.

Either way, Ice-T should be my friend because he makes his girl flash her ass or if it’s her own doing, he’s totally having fun with it and that’s a lot better than seeing him hiding in the corner planning on how he’s going to beat the fuck out of her without leaving any bruises when they get home.

Shauna Sand has no ass and that’s the reason why she flaunts her tits everywhere they are go like it’s her last day out with them before they get removed or some shit. I just thought it was because she’s a whore and likes to show off what she thinks are god’s gift to the world, even though got was a $5,000 charge on her credit card. Then I thought maybe she was just a victim of breast implants, where girls who get implants end up going crazy as fuck with their new tits and pull them out everywhere they go, because their relationship is more of one you have with a new car than one you have with your body parts. Now I realize that shit is just a way to divert male attention from the fact that she has no ass at all and she’s more like a hot chick who hangs with fat chicks to make herself look skinnier or like when I go out drinking with bigger drunks than me, because people notice what you want them to.

That said, you all have to realize that today is Halloween, I don’t dress up because I am a downer and find that shit lame and don’t believe in holidays, but I know that if you’re looking for love or to get laid, this is the best time to go for it. All the girls dressed slutty are going to be horny as fuck because dudes have been lookin’ at their asses like they are a brand new fleshlight all day and you already have an opener. All you have to do is go up to whoever it is you’re lookin’ at and comment on their costume, or come up with a costume that you’ve set up to make girls come up to you and talk to you. I know a dude who went as an AIM contact list and had 15 girls lined up to add their contact info on the buddy list. So do something creative and funny and if you follow my advice, you’ll have a great fucking night. But you won’t because you’re just going to stay home and cry yourself to sleep like you do every night, like the poor fucker who takes Shauna Sand home only to realize she’s got kids and when he flips her over to fuck her from behind - that she’s got no ass and will be struggling like he’s on Survivor to get her back on her back so that he can focus on her tits and trick or treat all over her face.

I thought these bitches were rich girls before The Hills and Laguna Beach started paying them, I guess no matter how much money you have, if you find a bikini you like, you rock that shit daily, because Heidi Montag’s already been seen showing off her fake tits in this bikini weeks ago. I wear the same thing everyday, because I only own a couple of t-shirts and 1 pair of jeans, but I am poor, so when people who see me regularly give me dirty looks because of the smell of these fucking things, I don’t fully blame them. Sometimes when I am sitting at the computer and can smell my own ass, I give myself dirty looks and wish that I wasn’t too lazy to wash them or that I was rich enough to replace them, but let’s face it, when money comes my way, I have a responsibility to myself to spend it on booze.

There was a time that I used to hang with drug addicted hookers, I call those years “The Good Life” like I was Kanye West, but less black. Between the group of them they only owned 2 pairs of underwear each, so if they were seeing the same client for a renewal, they’d switch underwear with one of the other girls. They wouldn’t even think about how fucking disgusting that was, or consider the shit they could get from doing that, but when you fuck multiple men a day for money in back alleys, I guess you don’t really care about what the fuck happens to your vagina. In reality, I thought the whole thing was nice to see, because it meant that they were still girls and still vain and cared about being sexy and not judged by the guys even though their faces were falling off and they smelled like shit.

Either way, here is Heidi Montag in the same bikini as last time, making stupid faces to distract you from her naturally stupid looking face.

I had no idea who Kelly Carlson is which isn’t saying anything bad about her, I just don’t really know who anyone is and have no real business running this kind of site, but it’s really doesn’t take much running, it’s more like I throw up all over my keyboard and it magically appears for you to read.

It tuns out she is from Nip/Tuck and that she’s 30. Now I know a lot of 30 year olds, or have known a lot of 30 year olds and there is no fucking way that she is 30, she looks like a mom of two at a soccer game with big fat tits and a yoga body that makes all the other husbands hate their fat wives more than they already do, but on the positive side, gives them something to jerk off to and makes them organize as many pool parties as they can during the summer so it’s actually really good for the neighborhood.

I met a 45 year old woman looking for weed the other day. She came up to me because I guess I look like some kind of hood rat who would know people who know where to get weed. I got to talking to her, even though she looked older than my scrotum, and my scrotum looks pretty fucking old and no I am not going to show you because that would be massively gay and I can’t believe you thought of that, fag.

Either way, I was drunk and thought I was a rockstar who attracts all the old slags my way because they always had a homeless man fantasy and tonight was the night to live it out, but reality was she was married and visiting the city and needed weed because she has a back problem, like ever elderly chick and weed numbs the pain and allows her to take her husbands cock the right way so that she can actually cum from sex.

I was really glad that she felt the need to introduce me to her geriatric sex life and problems, because I don’t have enough of my own problems to deal with like not being able to getting it up, or having a wife that reminds me of a magic bouncy castle little kids go crazy for at the park….I am not a sex therapist but probably should be and by diagnosis is that this older lookin 30 year old has some great fuckin’ tits and that’s why I am posting these pics.

I went to a Breast Cancer event, not because I believe in Charity even though I’d like to single handedly save every breast in the world with my mouth, but Charity events are horse shit. They are a group of people who either didn’t give a fuck about anyone but themselves before the disease directly affected them or someone they love, or a group of self righteous assholes pretending to make a difference, while pulling a salary off the charity organization and only donating a fraction of the money they make to the cause because the rest of the money’s going into the elaborate events that seduce rich people to show up to because they want to feel less guilty about being rich cocksuckers who fuck people over everyday to feel like they are doing their part so that they can sleep soundly at night…..

So the real reason I went to breast cancer charity event was because I like watching the self exam demo. Shit’s like porno to me.

Speaking of porno here’s some pictures of Pam Anderson’s breasts busting out of her shirt, because those fuckers are huge and by huge I mean disgusting. They are so filled with rubber that could have been better used to save a nation from AIDS and unwanted pregnancy but at least they won’t ever get breast cancer, they are the titty equivalent of when a retired couple put aluminum siding on their house so they’ll never have to paint y again….if you know what I mean, which you probably don’t because I don’t even know what I am talking about. Just look at her tits pervert.