I never found Jessica Biel hot. I wasn’t like those motherfucker who fell in love with her watching Seventh Heaven, who never fully let that celebrity crush go and move on with their lives.
She’s just a little too rugged and strong lookin for me. I like my women to look weak and frail to run from me, not like they can run a marathon, build a log cabin from scratch and wrestle a bear and win all in the same day all in efforts to escape my penis.
And I definitely don’t find her hot in this outfit, but that’s probably because she’s dressed like the 75 year old science teacher I had who took me bird watching in a pair of Knickerbockers before raping me back when I was 12.
I downloaded these pictures thinking her nipples were hard, or that she had a boner, or that something interesting was going on. You know a little tranny scandal to get the party started the only way I like parties started, but I was wrong, so instead I just had pictures of some bitch in a silky top showing off the body part she’s most proud of, like the faggot rich kids I was forced to sit next to a couple weeks ago who were so impressed with their gym work outs that they felt the need to check who had the biggest tricep over a bottle of Goose, in their Ed Hardy shirts, before I peaced the fuck out because it was fight of flight motherfuckers, and by fight I mean with myself for subjecting myself to that bullshit.
I didn’t watch this full clip. No, I am not gay, I figure anyone who can get off to this girl could be be, but then again just because she’s rock fuckin’ hard, doesn’t negate that fact that she does have a vagina, so I guess I shouldn’t hate so much.
I just have no real interest in watching shitty staged stripper scenes by a hungry actor who is trying to stay relevant, you know, years after the stint on some shitty WB religious show that made her famous in the first place ended.
Getting naked for a role in a movie that is going straight to DVD is a bad fucking sign of where things are going for you, but then again I’ve seen a few actors pull out of the gutter after being involved in pure shit naked roles, so it may not be over for her, especially if she manages to get Timberlake to marry her, in which case, she’ll be set for life and always in the paparazzi eye.
So maybe this is just the nail in the coffin she needs to do what really matters and that’s poke holes in the condoms, skip her pill, and make Timberlake stick it in her vagina for a change, despite how gross he finds vagina, to trick the motherfucker into getting her pregnant. It’s really the only intelligent retirement plan, since her career is HIV Positive.
Her name is Cati Jean, she coached Jessica Biel in stripping for that stripping movie she’s doing. I don’t think this bitch every strippers and is just a fake, because everyone knows that strippers die or burn out before hitting her age and never amount to legit careers coaching for movies. So she’s some professionally trained, educated faggot dancer perpetuating lies, making the public think stripping is this deeper fucking cause, when all it really is about is grabbing fucking tits and seeing fucking pussy. If anything I’d want Jessica Biel to be taught by some crackhead, weathered, professionally trained whore who is still stripping to pay for her addiction, or from some abusive boyfriend or pimp trying to exploit some desparate runaway pussy to ball hard…..at least that’d authentic.
Jessica Biel gets topless for her new movie where she plays a stripper, that is usually a move an actor takes when they are peaking and by peaking I mean on drugs because their careers have nose-dived and they are trying to hold on for their lives. You know a desperate.
Sure, everyone hates on her for being manly and hard bodied, but call me easy, she’s topless and I’m sold, penis in those sheer full back panties or in Justin Timberlakes ass or not. I don’t care, I’m just pissed that she’s rockin’those panties, because nothing pisses me off than going to a stripclub and the bitch on stage doesn’t get fully naked until the last 20 seconds of her second show because she thinks she’s better than stripping even though it pays her and her deadbeat boyfriend’s bills. Cunt.
So Jessica Biel plays a stripper in her next movie and here’s some Access Hollywood segment that they did on her practicing for her role, because I guess stripping is a tough fucking job, that’s why every stripper I’ve met has been really intelligent, focused, talented and fit, and by all those things, I mean, a slut. It seems like Biel put a little too much effort trying to figure all this stripping thing out, when it is all really simple, all you have to do is take off your fucking clothes.
If I was Biel, I wouldn’t worry about her broad shoulders too much, there’s a strip club around here I used to go to that always had two female body builders on staff. They’d get on stage and do chin-ups, sit-ups, push-ups and make their titty do that pec dance, and they seemed to get constant fuckin’ work.
Jessica Biel, Bad Attitude
Jessica Biel’s Got a Shitty Attitude of the Day
Jessica Biel is a cunt. She is being a bitch to the paparazzi, despite living in fucking LA, dating some famous musician, and having a minor career of her own, and it makes no sense to me. We know she’s not on her period, because they haven’t got that far in modern sex change operations yet, but I guess it could be because of her hormonal imbalance from the hormone therapy….
….or maybe talking about her being a dude is getting tired and boring, and maybe we should just accept that she has a vagina, and that because of that vagina, she’s acting like this, becaus she’s a fuckin spoiled brat who is self absorbed and thinks the world revolves around her.
Nothing screams bulldyke like a manly lookin’ bitch who likes to lift weights and who is jacked like she’s got a dick taking her tough lookin’ dog out for a powerwalk because they both like to push their limits, I mean other than being caught with a strap-on and leather chaps slamming the shit out of some fat chick and by fat chick I mean Justin Timberlake, because based on his light on his feet dance moves and angelic voice dude’s gonna have a pussy, at least that’s what all the guys I’ve met over the years who have claimed to have a “man crush” on him would like to believe, because that way they won’t feel guilty about the sexual fantasies they claim “man crushes” don’t include, when we all know they do.
Justin TImberlake’s in trouble. Here are the power couple and I am only labeling that because Biel can pench press a small car, at some friend’s wedding and it seems like she is part of the wedding party and like all Bride’s Maids, is probably feeling the burn in her vagina to find a man and lasso him in so that she can be the star of her own magical day one day, when all eyes will be on her and when she won’t just be the back burner sidekick in her friend’s moment of fucking glory. The whole thing is insane to me. I don’t understand marriage especially now that I am married and I only did it for financial security, I don’t get why women get so bored in their life that they want to spend a year of their life making annoying plans to have some fantasy wedding they dreamed of as a kid, but I do know that bridesmaids are always horny as fuck by the end of the ceremony and shit works better than roofies so there is no doubt in my mind that Justin Timberlake was sucking massive cock shortly after these pictures were taken.
I know this position isn’t one Justin is unfamiliar with. I heard that every time he has sex with Jessica Biel, she takes him from behind like the little bitch he likes to pretend he is after a long stint on the road having girls treat him like a sex object. He’s just not used to carrying her around like he’s her fuckin’ bitch, she’s usually the one doing the carrying in this relationship.
Poor fucker is struggling and reminds me of the time I went horseback riding with my wife when I cared and was trying to be romantic, before giving up on the relationship after losing all hope that it will ever be good again, and the horse wasn’t fucking having it, after stopping every few steps, he looked at the other horse in front of us that was carrying a normal sized girl with serious envy and about 5 minutes later the thing passed the fuck out from the strain. I heard the horse didn’t make it and I have a feeling that after the wedding, either will Timberlake, because he will realize that the novelty of Jessica Biel’s dick and push-up ability will be replaced with whining and weight gain. It always happens that way.
Either way we get it Justin, you’re a beast, all those years of dancing like a homo on stage have paid off and you’re stronger and in better cardiovascular, but in defense of my shitty fitness, so is 98% of the rest of the world, the only person I know I am stronger than is terminally ill kids and ederly. The same people who can’t survive heat waves or SARS.
Jessica Biel reminds me of this dude i know who just never stops working out, he doesn’t fuck Justin Timberlake, but has told me that sometimes when fucking random girls he picks up, he plays the Sexy Back song over and over in his head, so if that’s not a six degrees of separation situation, I don’t really know what is, but I do know that Timberlake’s not the one doing the fuckin’ in this relationship and sometimes that’s okay because it can be hard being the man in a relationship, you know with all that pressure to provide and protect, passing the reins off to your bigger, stronger and more endowed lover only makes sense.
Here’s Jessica Biel on a power hike, burning off some calories in hopes to make her muscles look jacked for her man, the way he likes his lover’s muscles to be, because he’s on step away from coming out of the closet. Jessica Biel is just he gateway person to fully embracing a new and exciting lifestyle.
Nothing says coming to terms with your lesbianism like rockin’ a fucking lesbian haircut and nothing says lesbian haircut like a femme-mullet. I don’t know what more you dudes need to believe the inevitable, it’s like you will only stop jerking off to her ripped body when you see videos of her slammin the shit out of Justin Timberlake with her huge cock.
It’s like that time that everyone told me that this dude I was hanging out with was into dudes and he’d always make subtle passes at me and I’d just blow it off like it wasn’t a thing because I had never caught him in the fucking act, I’d tell those naysayers they were fucking crazy, until one morning after passing out drunk at his house, I woke up with my cock in his mouth. Between you and me, I let him finish, but that’s just because I was half asleep and only fags turn down blowjobs, but what it came down to was that my friend was actually gay and I was just blind to it because he seemed like such a normal and cool guy.
So sometimes things can’t be laid out for you like that and you have to take the facts and come to your own conclusions and my conclusion is that Jessica Biel eats pussy.
I don’t know why everyone is all up on the Lohan/ Ronson lesbian scandal while people like Jessica Biel are openly out and by out I mean totally showing off their lesbianism with some old fat chick. I feel like that kind of sexual dysfunction is almost worth talking about but then again, Biel is pretty useless so I’ll just leave it at that.
I know that these are not underwear a man should be caught dead in unless he has no clean underwear and is forced to wear a pair of his wife’s since she’s the same size as him, like in my case, but once you put any underwear on Jessica Biel it automatically turns into man underwear because it’s covering her little penis.
I saw Boys Don’t Cry, I know how this shit works and I also know that she’s doing a good job convincing the world that Justin Timberlake isn’t a faggot because she dresses like a girl and has pretty much saved his career while helping you keep your man fantasies hidden as you jerk off to her pretending to not know what’s really goin on, so I guess in a lot of ways this bitch is a hero.
There’s this really mean bull dyke that lives around the corner from me who is always out playing fetch with her 200 pound german defense dog….when I say playing fetch, I mean bitch is in the park wrestling the motherfucker like she’s training it to kill any man that they cross paths with. I can tell every time I walk by them and smile at her lesbian haircut and her lesbian denim and her lesbian combat boots and her lesbian tattoos and her lesbian piercings and her fat lesbian ass, and both her and her dog snarl at me, that she would just love to watch that dog rip my penis off my body and probably the body of every other man in the world so that she can have the girls all to herself. Lesbians are so selfish.
Either way, I wasn’t surprised to see that Jessica Biel has lesbian dogs, mainly because she’s a dude. So she’s just training her dogs to rip her penis off, because she hates it for fuckin’ up her act and it’s time to get rid of it, instead of the penis of every man in the world like the bull dyke who lives in my ‘hood.
I like how she’s not making eye contact with the paparazzi, like pretending they aren’t there and it reminds me of every girl I’ve ever had sex with and that totally turns me on. Does that make me gay?
UPDATE – I HAD TO REMOVE THE PICTURES BECAUSE THE PAPARAZZI ARE FUCKING LEACHING MOTHERFUCKERS WHO WANT TO EXPLOIT PEOPLE AND MAKE TRUCKLOADS OF MONEY……AND ME POSTING THEM TO THE 6 OF YOU IS APPARENTLY ILLEGAL, BUT TAKING THE PICTURES AND SELLING THEM ISN’T. COCKSUCKERS
