I am still drunk from my drinking demonstration at a the local bar where I managed to outdo myself as I always do just to prove every single person in my life that I will not amount to nothing and I am not a failure. I am a fuckin’ hero to some people and those people are pretty much me and only when I am too drunk to know better.

On the way home I saw this slammin’ body in a spandex white dress that barely covered her banging ass and a pair of patent leather hooker boots that went up past her knee. I realized she was a street whore, but not one that I had ever been with before but bitch looked too good to be giving 50 dollar blowjobs. When I got closer to her she called me over and told me that she had given me a lap dance about 6 months ago and she remembered me because I gave her my email address to make her internet famous, which is a lie I tell all the strippers to get a free song out of them. She also remembered my firm grip that I had on her nipples, but I won’t get into that.

She ended up quickly going into her story about how she got wasted and let her ex-boyfriend tattoo her face and the club she worked at fired her. She was forced to turn to the street but doesn’t have a pimp and is pretty much workin’ freelance and in the last 3 months she’s developed a serious crack habit and that she needed 20 dollars, I was tempted to save her but figured that she got herself into her own mess and could have been doing so much more with her life, like charging business men 500 dollars to go out to dinner with her like a real escort with a body like that would.

Either way, I don’t think Kat Von D did the face tattoo that ruined my stripper turned street walker’s life, but it looked pretty much as shitty as her tattoos do, the major difference between the 2 is that I’d be willing to fuck my stripper turned street whore without a condom before ever considering fucking this Kat Von D chick, but that’s just because I have a feeling this Kat Von D chick has a cock and I haven’t really moved into that kind of thing yet.

Some dude just dropped a your mom joke on me and I fucking love your mom jokes, not because I find them that inspiring or creative and totally played the fuck out, but because my mom died when I was a kid and I like to reverse the your mom joke on the motherfucker because any normal person feels bad about droppin that shit on me and that is a lot funnier than saying “your mom” or “that’s what your mom said”. So today I told some dude that he’s awesome for hooking me up with something and he said “that’s what your mom said” and I said:

You know my mom? I thought she died when i was 5…I guess she just ran away from us and the priest who ran the orphanage told us she had died because he didn’t want us feeling like we were abandoned. Tell her I say hi and that I expect my birthday and christmas gifts from the last 32 years in cash.

With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

Here are pictures of the arrivals of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, because I know that girls get off on seeing other girls in their lingerie. It’s like some competitive shit that makes them feel sexy and insecure and makes them want to suck their boyfriend’s dick harder than ever all at the same time, in some weird trying to reclaim that they are the most desirable vagina or some shit.

Hayden Panettiere’s Researching for the Day She Graduates Out of Her Midget Training Bra

Stacy Keibler’s Legs Need a Bra of their Own….cuz They Are So Long, They Are Like a Person of Their Own

Eva Longoria is Mexican and Doesn’t Buy Her Underwear in Packs of 6 from Wal Mart

Rachel Leigh Cook’s Cleavage Lookin’ For Support

Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge because they are Useless

Kat Von D wearing some Crazy fucking Pants cuz She’s Such an Original and Not Trying Hard at All….

Ana Oritz because She’s Got Some Good Cleavage, But I have No Idea Who She Is…

Today is an exciting day, because I found out that I have a reader and that reader comes to the site everyday and thinks that the site is worthy of being a daily read. I am pretty surprised that anyone who comes to this site actually knows how to read, I was convinced that everyone coming in was either . Either way, he sent in a side shot of Kat Von D’s tattooed pussy. You can’t really seen anything incriminating, like her dick but it’s a good enough view for you to jerk off to if you have a thing for inked up bitches.

I don’t know why but I find tattoos lame. I think they were cool on rockstars and bikers back in the day, but then frat boys who liked rockstars and bikers and action sports started getting full sleeves and now all these emo kids are getting full body shit done and I find the shit obnoxious, trying to be different when really being the same. So I am a lot more into a nice non-tattooed girl with some nice soft skin than some rough and beat up lookin’ slut from the gutter, but the funniest thing about the whole thing though is that the girl who looks like she’s from the gutter, usually has a lot more class than the pretty little non-tattooed girl who needs constant reaffirmation that she’s pretty by taking dick. Not your dick. But dick.

Either way, here’s that Miami Ink bitch Kat Von D’s side shot of her snatch because she’s hot and you’d like to tattoo her with your cum. Sick-o.

Here’s the Youtube Video:of Her Getting Her Done: