I realize that any picture of Kelly Osbourne would be shitty, but if bitch is gonna get in a bikini and have pictures taken of her, I’m pretty fucking willing too look and laugh at her imperfections, especially since she’s probably at her fittest because she’s been on that Dancing with the Girl who has a Famous Father show, dancing all day training, but even if she was at her fattest I’d want to see it. I’m the kind of guy who likes watching trainwrecks even though they aren’t that pleasant to watch, especially if those train wrecks are half naked…
Either way here she is with her homosexual boyfriend who she gets the same haircut as because she thinks it means they are actually in love, while he’s just trying to ride her coatails to the endless supply of cock fame in America will bring him, but sometimes, I guess ignorance is bliss…like back when I used to think arabs were just people in pajamas who didn’t understand why we wore everyday clothes when you could be comfy in your PJs, before I realized they wore those pajamas to hide suicide bombs….Those were the good years….
I love that they captured her fat self that can’t control her fat self and starts eating one of her hats….
Ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. That’s really all I can say, because it is all my desensitized stomach feels in seeing these pictures, I assume that’s how the chair she’s sitting on feels too, you know all that and confusion, you know why is a gay dude up rubbin up on a cow, but more importantly, why doesn’t the cow have an actual bathing suit, but only frolicks in the water in what seems like little dresses. Is it because they don’t make bathing suits in cow size, or is it because the cow is insecure about its cow body, that’s can’t be possible, cows don’t feel insecure, they’re too busy being jacked on hormones and milked 24 hours a day….I don’t know where I am going with this, but I do know these pictures are disgusting and disturbing, I guess she’s just trying to live up to her dad’s horror / morbid / scare expectations.
You know Kelly Osbourne’s future husband isn’t straight right? I mean look at the motherfucker, he’s a male model who looks like Sam Ronson and there’s no doubt in my mind he sucks dick, the real deciding factor is how he frolicks with Kelly Osbourne like he actually fucks her, when everyone knows that no one in their right mind would fuck her. Sure, we’d pay 10 dollars entrance fee at the aquarium to see the sea pig in her natural habitat, but we’d never stick our dick in it. Obviously, homie is an opportunist and when you’re Kelly Osbourne, that’s just the nature of all your “boyfriends”, so get used to it and hit the fucking treadmill, or get back on drugs, you’re fucking disgusting.
Here’s a picture to end my afternoon, hoping that it makes all of you never want to kiss any other living thing again. Not that kissing is a real option, you prostitute budget never gets you the Girlfriend Experience, it’s all Pretty Woman for you, no mouth to mouth action on the motherfucker, but when you see Osbourne kissing some Sam Ronson lookin’ motherfucker, who she’s actually going to be marrying, you realize that maybe it’s better off that way.
Seeing Kelly Osbourne kissing anything reminds me of the first time I walked in on two guys kissing. It was I was just loitering around a college dorm in hopes of seeing a free show in the coed bathroom, when I walked into the shower, not knowing it was an all male shower, thinkin’ I’d see a scene out of Debbie Does Dallas, when instead I saw two naked men kissing and jerking each other off. It kinda tarnished my sex drive for about a month because thoughts of that shit really threw me off since it was a time before gay was an everyday thing and drinking did a good job making me forget and get over it and accept it as not being such a big deal, but I will say it put an end to my quest to find entertainment in the coed dorm.
I guess what Kelly Osbourne proves is that even really ugly, sexually ambiguous, fat chicks you would assume are lesbian because no cock wants them, can find love, especially if their parents are rich, famous and big in the music industry, something any aspiring musician would see as a golden opportunity. Work your way into a solid career by fucking the ugly daughter no one wants, then making her fall in love with you and wanting the best for you, leading to her constant whining to her parents to give you a record deal until they agree to shut their little baby they feel sorry for bringing into the world because she looks like shit up.
So maybe this love isn’t real, but the fact that it is hideously disgusting is, and I guess it’s nice to know that Kelly Osbourne can be blinded by this beautiful love she feels to not realize the truth behind it, but the real tragedy is that she doesn’t respect the truth her mirror tells her everyday and that is to stay the fuck inside like the freak that you are because no one wants to ruin their day by lookin’ at that face.
I can think of a few reasons why someone would beat Kelly Osborne up, the main one being frustration that the girl you are dating looks like a fat fuckin’ teenaged boy who eats too many chips because they are his only friends before realizing life sucks and making his way to the local department store to buy a trench coat to wear when he school shoots all the bullies and popular kids. Waking up to a bitch that looks like that is pretty much all the convincing you need that your life fuckin’ sucks, you are worthless and you should give the fuck up, but when you can’t find a way to leave her because she pays your rent, you find a way to stomach her disgustingness, but as time goes on you realize that she’s a spoiled brat with an attitude that is almost as shitty as the smell of her sweaty, and doesn’t shut the fuck up and as every day goes buy, your fuse slowly gets shorter and shorter, snapping at the littlest things she does, until one day slammin her in the head for telling you that she loves you. Unfortunately, being a fat teenaged boy who cuts herself, being beat by her boyfriend makes her wet that someone would care enough to get physically abusive, when all the other guys just never called back and that makes her want to fuck you, leaving you back where you started because when you land a fat chick, or a fat chick lands you, there’s no escape, they won’t let you out, even if you try to spousal abuse your way out. Trust me.
I guess the black eye could have happened at an all you can eat buffet accident, or maybe in some prescription drug related accident, but I like to think it’s a man trying to teach an ugly girl a lesson situation, but that’s just because it’s like porn to me and I have a one-track mind and that track is the porn track…pretty much the best track around…so if you’re like me, you’ll appreciate these pictures.
This is a nice change of pace because the drunken asshole who can’t make his way out of the bar in Kelly Osbourne’s life is usually the guy guy going home with her because she’s disgusting and you’d have to be wasted to get up in this. The only explanation for anyone sober getting with her would be that they are die hard Sabbath fans and are trying to live out their non-sexual man crush on Ozzy by using his daughter in hopes that it gets serious so that he can change his last name to Osbourne since it’s always been a dream, or dude is just a wallet fucker and wants to ride the fat girl right into the good life. I guess the good news with Kelly Osbourne getting this drunk is that wallet fuckin’ her doesn’t mean you have to actually fuck her, all you have to do is slide into her purse (not her pink purse) and pull the wallet out knowing that she’d have no idea what happened to it when she sobered up the next day. It’s a lot less emotionally abuse of yourself, but to be fair to Kelly, at least she’s got a girl with some kind of skin disorder to take care of her, I guess what they say about fat ugly chick never finding love is all lies.
