Simon Cowell Probably came on these fat tits, because having the ability or talent to sing is just part of the equation while fucking the right executive is the other part of the equation that actually takes you from singing in the shower or in a choir or on the street corner you to mansions, luxury cars, music videos and repressed memories of Simon Cowell and his jungle fever dripping off your chin.

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Leona Lewis is that girl who sings about sex on her period .

And like a virgin at the mall with buying Magic Cards with my buddies only to be destracted when a big titty girl and her friends walk by in their low cut shirts, I’ve just turned my site into a place that gets excited when a chubby singer shows off some cleavage, and that depresses me.

Nothing makes me feel more pathetic than when I do these desperate posts about cleavage because I have nothing else to talk about, because cleavage is about as PG as shit gets and if you have a capacity to get off to the shit, like I have the capacity to write about the shit, like it really is a fuckin’ big deal, you are as worthless as mine and we should kill ourselves in some kind of ritual that makes people think we were a cult, when really we were just sexually frustrated with lives that suck.

Girls rock cleavage every fucking day, as they fucking should, so noticing it isn’t really a big deal, we’re dudes, we’re supposed to, but making a big deal about the shit, like taking a picture or making a post, or even high fiving your loser friends with boners in your pants is just not cool.

When I first heard this song I thought it was some lesbian soundtrack shit that woulda been great for a Women’s in Song compilation that your mom would keep in her minivan that you drive because you can’t afford your own car, but the more I heard the shit, the more I wanted to remind the girl who sings it why she chose to be a lesbian by giving her my useless penis and showing her the worst sex in her life then saying something like “Yep, that’s what all the hype about penis was all about” so that she could go back to her lesbian life knowing she made the right choice without always having it chiming in the back of her head when her girlfriend’s pussy smells or when her girlfriend’s on the rag or when her girlfriend starts nagging about why she never takes her out anymore or when her girlfriend gets mad about her always forgetting to put the toilet seat down because she pees standing up or when her girlfriend complains about how she’s always out with the boys and never calls or some shit and she feels like she’s had enough of being a dyke and wants to throw in the fuckin’ towel. I feel like I’m a good asset to lesbians who are sexually confused, like the best way for them to really believe that they never want to deal with penis again….

Either way, I am posting this video because Tyra looks like a fuckin’ asshole when she mouths the words and dances around as Leona Lewis performs and I thought it was funny and that’s pretty much all it takes for me to throw something up here, while it takes me a lot of alcohol to throw up in everyday life. Both equally depressing.