I have said it before and I will say it again because I think that this message needs to get across to the public more than it already has and that is that I love leotards. They are one of the few pieces of clothing that touch the tits, ass and pussy at the same time and that’s more skills than you have. I know that isn’t saying much but it’s saying something.

I remember when I first got with a girl in the 90s who was wearing a bodysuit and since I never really spent all that much time with ballerinas and gymnasts, I didn’t know what the fuck to do when trying to get into her panties. I was like reaching down her pants and couldn’t find an entry point. Eventually I figured out that shit had snaps in the crotch and I worked my way in, too bad she was asleep, I am sure she would have loved it as much as I did.

That doesn’t change the fact that Beyonce is thick as fuck and should be running on the treadmill a little more than emotionally eating every time her boyfriend goes on tour with the younger/hotter model, but I still think she’s worth wallet fucking because this bitch is rich, even if her time to shine has left us and her future takes more of the shape of a fat Gospel singer. At least she’ll always have God on her side.

There was a time when I was really into leotards. I am not talking about when my stepdaughters were five and taking dance classes because that’s not the kind of guy I am, I am talking about when they started to hit the scene in the last couple of years. I remember in the 90s girls would wear these things called body suits that had snaps in the crotch and would pretty much be these tight fucking shirts that made a nice change in scenery from bitches in over-sized t-shirts. I was always fascinated by an article of clothing that touched the ass, pussy and tits all at the same time and I guess I carried that over into my life today. I remember convincing my stepdaughters to wear leotards and walk around the house in them because despite not being able to get hard, my love for clothing that touched tits, ass and pussy at the same time never changed…and as American Apparel started pumping more and more of them out and girls from all walks of life started wearing them daily, I became a happy man….

That was until today, when these pictures of Pink wearing a leotard pretty much disgusted me. Her broad manly shoulders and the penis bulge that I can only imagine she’s hiding behind that skirt thing of hers is about as sexy as prison rape and that is why I am posting them for you, because I know you have a fantasy for prison rape. Don’t worry, it doesn’t make you a fag if no one knows you get off to men shoving their dicks in you violently….well, maybe it does…but just a little.

I watched the Grammys, I had no choice. I have 2 channels and I live with 3 girls. I guess it wasn’t so bad because I had a bottle of Vodka by my side. I don’t really remember much about the actual awards, my wife’s fat breathing muffled the sound of the TV. I do remember watching Madonna open up the show in a body suit/leotard thing. Now I don’t know why, but for the last 7 months, this kind of outfit is the biggest turn on for me. They sell them at american apparel and hipster bitches everywhere rock them, and they are the new booty short for me. They remind me of my 20s when bodysuits were the biggest shirt product of 1993, They remind me of my flashdance and aerobic fetish. I think it’s because I get to watch the vagina in all it’s glory, like watching a girl in her underwear, only the underwear’s got suspenders ensuring snugness, and people say I am a pervert. Either way, I am glad hipsters and little Jewish girls wear these now, cuz motherfucker, this is one thing that may bring me out of my bout with impotence, if that is possible, I am not a doctor. Madonna didn’t get me hard, and all I could thing about was that babies have filtered through that cooter, which surprisingly remained pretty well contained. Here’s to bitches in leotards…that dance…for me… when I am drunk.

Watch Madonna’s Performance Here

American Apparel Leotard (turns me on)