I guess Ashlee Simpson is trying to get some attention, you know living in her sister’s shadow all her life’s gotta give the ugly sister a little complex. A complex that bisexual Pete Wentz is all about because it draws more attention to him and his emotionally driven bisexual make-up wearing music.

In this video from his blog that someone emailed me, not that I found on my own, because I don’t really follow his career, dude and Ashlee joke about having a baby while Ashlee pretends to be Britney Spears eating her Cheetos and speaking with a Southern Accent, one that isn’t too far from her own accent.

I guess what it comes down to is that if Ashlee was actually a fraction of Britney Spears she’d be worth talking about, but instead she’s the Simpson table scraps who was just lucky enough to have a sister with money to afford the kind of exposure and lifestyle she lives with her bisexual boyfriend.

I guess the good news in all this is that they won’t be making any babies anytime soon, Pete Wentz is only into ass play, so Ashlee may not be a pop queen but she takes it up the ass and she may not be a Pop Queen but she is an Anal Queen and that’s important to me and should be to you too, because bitches who take it up the ass are hard to find.

So I was walking down the street and heard a group of assholes singing Soula Boy’s Crank Dat tune. I was a little confused but realized that every asshole and his fucking mother, aunt, cousin and child were hooked on this shit. I knew the youtube instructional videos already had 7,000,000 views or some shit and every asshole is gettin down to this shit, I guess what it all comes down to is that all these people like their radio.

Now I don’t mean to be a social chainsaw and I don’t mean to hurt people’s feelings but some bitch was acting gangster with me, so gangster that I asked her if her Clit was a fuckin’ Glock or if she uses her Glock as a tampon, cuz we all know metal and plastic are not all that absorbent so she had to rely on the red pants for back-up. So I gave her the pet name “Period Pants” because when a bitch has her period but is too poor to get a tampon she’s got to compromise. Maybe I shoulda called her smart shopper because with those red pants on, no one would ever know.

Anyway, I decide to film them and some bitch who I like to call teeth because all I saw was teeth got mad and me for filming her, she told me that she was already famous and asked if I was paparazzi. I told her that if she was worth my time and wasn’t so busted, that I could be anything she wanted, but until she transformed into a hot chick, we had nothing to discuss.

Her friend, a dude with a mustache wasn’t too impressed so he called me a cunt. Now I am okay with being called a cunt, because I know that I am an asshole, and 5 minutes earlier I had just walked into a glass door trying to find out Jared Leto’s room number at the W Hotel, because I figured I could get some decent footage of him banging underage girls and I could use that shit to make myself famous while getting arrested, but some cocksucker from a legacy of hotel managers ruined that dream by telling me that he’s had a dream to run a hotel since he’s been a kid and hotel management is his life fucking work and that he’s been studying it since he was 5 but was only a night receptionist and he wouldn’t give me the room number because that’s against the rule of hotel management

Either way, dude called me a cunt, I got mad, told him that mustache boys feel good on my balls like Soulja Boy feels good on his ears and that he should suck my dick, not cuz I was coming on to him but because tough guys aren’t into suckin dick and calling tough guys bitches or emasculating them in any way is the one way ticket to their tough guy hearts. So the next time he sees me I am going to get shot, but I don’t give a fuck because I am willing to get shot for content. That’s how much I like you. Cuddles.

Oh and I just made you famous, bitches.

Ps - Period Pants, We Get It You, Watched His Music Video and Learned His Complex Dance. You are a dancing queen now go fuck yourself because you are just one of 7.5 Million motherfucker.