I guess that despite Heidi Klum’s fame and fortune she still belongs to Victoria’s Secret because here she is in pixie wings and posing with a slutty mannequin at their make-up launch. I guess it’s just a small price to pay since they saved her from a life of German Scat porn, an existence nobody really wants, because despite your love for it, getting shit on is never fun or sexy. It’s like that time I saved a girl from getting hit by a car when she was talking on her cellphone and demanded that she lets me see her naked as payment for my good deed, only in this case, Heidi Klum actually listens, where the girl I saved just called her boyfriend and told him some creep tried to get her naked because he pulled her from traffic when she was crossing the street on a green. Hey no one said my idea of saving lives is the same as your idea of saving lives, and in retrospect it was a pretty weak attempt to see pussy, but that’s not the point, the point is that I wonder what that mannequin she’s standing next to is named, she looks like she wouldn’t say no…..no matter how many fingers you’ve shoved in the hole you drilled into her after stealing her from the mall and bringing her back to your mom’s basement with you.

I guess the unfortunate thing for Liv Tyler is that the make-up she’s buying isn’t going to do much for her busted face except for maybe make little kids happy and ask her for some balloon animals. It’s not like the shit is the re-constructive surgery in a bottle that she would be better off getting but that’s only because I think she’s ugly and you probably don’t and neither does she, otherwise she’d spend some her hard earned Aerosmith Daddy Was Never Part of My LIfe as a Kid But His Guilt has Given Me a Career and a Hefty Trust Fund and Inheritance that My Groupie Mother Could Have Never Delivered On…on some plastic surgery. Either way, I hate Aerosmith and everything they have produced including Liv Tyler…..the abortion his groupie should have had but realized it coulda been a solid meal ticket, like winning the fucking lottery.

P.S. I know the real story is that her mom was a slut of a model who banged musicians and she just thought that Liv was her boyfriend’s kid and not Steven Tyler’s because she probably didn’t want the boyfriend knowing she was slamming the dude from Aerosmith on the side and either would you, not because cheating is wrong, but because Steven Tyler is. None of that really matters and the true story kinda ruined my post. Thanks truth, it’s true, you really do hurt.

I like Rihanna and I am not 100 percent what it is that I like about her, but she’s got something going on. Maybe it’s the fact that she can sing and every time I see a girl rock a mic like it’s my penis I just imagine what it would be like to hear them sing while banging. I’ve never really had a chick willing to sing when we fuck, but if I had ever found out, I wouldn’t know what my playlist would be, but I know it’d be hot. It’s like watching a girl dance and knowing exactly how she fucks. I was out last night with this girl I know who dances like a fucking pornstar fucks. She shakes her ass in ways that makes her the hottest fucking girl in the room and all I can do is stare while imaging her dancing on my face. The shit drives me so crazy that I have no control over going up to her and trying to grab at her ass like it’s mine and that never goes over well and usually ends with me being escorted out by security or by her boyfriend trying to fight me.

I also met a hot girl last night who I was chatting up until her favorite song came on and she ran to the dance floor, only to bust the lamest dance moves I had ever seen. It was like her feet were strapped to cement blocks while she wailed her arms around and humped the air like a frat boy humps inanimate objects to make his boys giggle like the school girls they wish they were.

Either way, Rihanna isn’t wearing any make-up and it is refreshing because my most recent turn off is girls who paint their faces up like they are some kind of clown and it’s birthday party time. I realize halloween was a couple of days ago and shit, but when I see the shit crusted to their fake tanned faces, I can’t help but laugh to myself, knowing they spent hours doing that shit to themselves and for some disillusioned way think they actually look good when in reality they look like Lionel Fucking Richie, all night long.