Here’s Whitney Port proving that she’s just as useless in a bikini as she is in the rest of her life, especially now that The Hills have been replaced by Jersey Shore, which is really funny if you think about it…mainly because it forces all these twats to come to terms with how much of a fucking joke they all are. Sure their 15 minutes lastest far too long for my liking, but I always knew the public would eventually get as annoyed as me and turn their back on them, because the public is pretty fucking fickle….
I harrass Whitney Port on twitter, she ignores me, and that makes me hate her sloppy pussy more, but today I will make a point of tormenting her with these pictures, destroying her little self esteem, putting her in a depression that she either deals with through addiction, Heidi Montag style plastic surgery, or suicide.
I’m sure you’ve all seen the pictures of Coco on the beach from the other day. I didn’t bother posting them, because this bitch only looks intersting when photoshopped and I figured I’d do her a favor and not let the world know she’s just a dumpy stripper with stupid fake tits and a fat sloppy stomach that she’s trying to cover the fuck up, because everyone knows a fat ass always catches up with the rest of a bitch….but I couldn’t turn down posting the video…because seeing her in live-action is like watching some kind of plane crash and I just can’t turn away….
This is one of those two ugly sluts are better than one ugly slut, but don’t quite equal one good lookin’ slut. It’s what threesome rationale is made of. You know when you’re out getting drunk and you have the option to call your regular jump off, or go home with these two busted chicks who are willing to give you a double blowjob, that you take for the experience, and because the fact that there is two of them outweighs the fact that they are dumpy. It is the same reason these two dumpy girls at the stripclub I frequent try to sell lesbian shows, because no one books their solo dances, and this lesbian fantasy gets them paid.
Their names are Kellie Acreman and Lauren Pope, I have no idea who they are, but they claim to be DJs , DJs I assume play horrible music, who can’t mix and who pretty much suck, but who the Ed Hardy crowd think are awesome because they have tits and because they Ed Hardy crowd has no idea what the fucks up.
2 Live Crew are still around. I have seen them a few times recently and it’s not as memorable as the first time I heard their album, back when they were considered the dirtiest thing in music, you know getting blacklisted for sexual content and all that shit, but watching their reunion tour is fuckin’ weak and a desperate attempt to make money and relive the glory days, not to mention they get the ugliest bitches on stage with them to shake their asses. The last time I saw them they had a fat chick who looked like she probably toured with them in ‘89 and that they kept around because she offered to do it for free.
In this video, the bitches aren’t all fat, but they are all disgusting because it’s a performance from the Miami porn conference that happened at the beginning of the month and it seems like some of the whores who were there “working” got excited and had run to dance on stage becuase they all love attention of people lookin’ at them shake their asses, get their asses fucked, or really anything sexual.
Here’s the video of a pretty hysterical performance.
Here are the Kardashian sisters bullshitting the world in Miami while filming their bullshit show. I am not sure what went on in their mother’s womb when that bitch Khloe was developing but I assume it involves living next to powerlines, or even steroid treatement for asthma or something that seeped into her placenta. What I am sure of is that this bitch is a fuckin’ monster and the fact that dudes fuck her confuses me, but not as much as it probably confuses them, you know with trying to hide their tranny porn obsession from their family and friends and shit, cuz only getting off to tits if there is a dick attached is nothin’ but confusing, hell that shit isn’t even made in fuckin’ nature, it’s some futuristic sci-fi shit and I’m sure you know all about that.
The Kardashians had to thicken the plot of their TV show, since it has the depth of a fuckin’ puddle, so they moved to Miami and opened up a store there. I think it would have done better if one of them was killed off or disappeared when flying a small plane over the Bermuda triangle, where the others go to find her, only to end up disappearing too, forcing whoever produces this to stop the fucking abuse.
I guess this is like some basic National Lampoon shit, get the bitches in another city, to pretend to run a store, only with less Chevy Chase and more Ed Hardy T-shirts because I drove down to Miami 5 or 6 years ago with a friend and that shit was on the next level of bottle service, Guido chachi motherfuckers throwing napkins drinking 20 dollar drinks, if not rockin’ Magnums of Goose, and can only assume it’s a hell of a lot worse now…
The whole thing is at the point of ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as Khloe Kardashian holding up a bikini like she can actually pull it off in public, you know since she’s a fucking beast, not that you care and either do I. and I’m only posting it because Khloe is posing with a bikini and as disgusting as that is, it’s porn to me.
I haven’t really bothered posting on this Chris Brown and Rihanna getting back together bullshit, because it’s obvious and expected and bullshit.
I am not going to go as far as say that this was some kind of publicity stunt, because I don’t really know the details, but I think it probably stems from dude hating the bitch for being a bigger fucking deal than him. But you know how abusive relationships work, at least I know how abusive relationships work, and it seems girls like to be miserable, kept on their toes and pretty much owned. They like having a guy tell them what they can and can’t do and they know that they made motherfucker snap and blame themselves, instead of doing what they should do and get the fuck out because shit is unhealthy.
We are not Rihanna, maybe leaving her poor family at 14 fucked her up and she found family in Brown, maybe she thinks she deserved it, maybe she think dude just glitched and that she needs to forgive him for fucking up, but I do know that girls out there should not take her lead and if anything should boycott her for not being more responsible.
We should also blame Diddy for bringing them together in his Miami home, the police system for not shooting brown and the poverty for making both these people think what they did is alright, bitch should walk the fuck away, because she just saw what dude is capable of and in a few months, when all this is blown over, when his sucking up and apology are a thing of the past, don’t be surprised if this ends up a murder suicide…..
It’s just too bad Rihanna is too weak to be alone, independent and all that shit because she’s got the money and pressure of the world to be smarter than she’s being and I still want to see this Chris Brown punk run the fuck over even if he successfully taught his woman a lesson.
I was talking to someone about Brooke Hogan’s staged bikini pictures yesterday, not because I talk about any of this shit outside of my computer, but because I was bitching about staged paparazzi shit. I mean there was a time when celebs actually hated the paparazzi and didn’t just pretend to hate them. A time where there were actually being intruded on and caught in the fuckin’ act, but that was a different era. Today all people care about is being seen and usually to make that happen you need to pull a crazier stunt than the next guy. That usually ends up in sex tapes and bikini pictures, nipple slips and panty shots.
It’s kinda like everytime I’m in a bar and trying to get a girls attention, only there are 10 other dudes up on her running the nice guy game, so the only way to make sure she remembers me is to offend her or throw my drink on her or punch her in the face because I have no plan to go home with the girl or buy her drinks, I just feel the need for her to know who I am.
So the fun of trying to ruin celebrity lives runs to the wayside/wasteside, because they are staging this shit themselves because it generates buzz and that sucks, but not as much as it sucks to be the guy banging Brooke Hogan because he hasn’t come to terms with his sexuality and I feel like living a lie is worse that taking it up the ass. She kind of the gateway girl to coming out, at least she’s finally found her purpose.
It was the Winter Music Conference in Miami this past week and I wanted to send someone there to get video footage of all the crazy party people high on drugs, but the WMC decided that my site wasn’t legit or cool enough to cover their shitty week of club djs and I got rejected, so I had to tell the unemployed dude in Miami who owned a video camera that his dreams of being an online TV producer for a shitty site no one reads will have to wait until I trick the WMC that the site isn’t a waste of internet space next year, which turns out to be a pretty hard task because I kinda agree with them.
These are some pictures of Tara Reid on the beach in Miami during the WMC with various men who I can only assume are DJs, club promoters and drug dealers who are in town to support their party lifestyle/industry, because she’s a staple in the club scene internationally and probably won some kind of award for being at the most parties in the last 5 years than any other living human being. I think whatever trophy she got will look good next to her haggard cocaine face, or even next to her old liver she had bronzed after she finally scored that transplant of the liver she stole from 18 year old party girl on Springbreak who she invited back to her room for some exclusive hotel party, at least that’s the only explanation I have for how bitch keeps going.
I know that I dropped a like to some of these pictures last night, but I figured I should do a post on them because that’s how obvious I am. I like to tip you fuckers off to posts I am going to do the following day just to keep everyone on the same page. Fuck surprises, I can’t compete with the speed of some of these virgin bloggers who have some keen ability to land all the fucking paparazzi pictures first. Sometimes I think they are out there taking the pictures themselves, but realize their acne, overbearing mother and social awkwardness prevents them from leaving the house too often. Either way, they make me look like a shitty blogger, because most of the celebrities I post about I’ve never heard of while these fuckers have their life stories, bra size and current relationship status branded on their brains.
Either way, here are the pictures of Danielle Lloyd, I am not sure who she is and I was going to go on and on about how bad I am at this blogging gayness but since I am up against a group of people you probably made fun of in high school, giving them a complex and leading them to this as a job, I’m pretty sure I’ll come out on top. I may not have been the virgin loser who chronically masturbated, was scared of girls and who everyone laughed at for dressing up like a Star Wars character for the high school dance because I was the slacker who no one really liked, who dropped out of school at 16 but still got pussy because I started drinking at a young age. No one wanted to be me, but no one picked on me and being too cool for school is way cooler than the school being too cool for you…
I should write an after-school special, I’ll cast Danielle Lloyd as the teacher who gets knocked up by a 15 year old gangster from her English class who sells weed. Seems like she’s into that whole Blacks on Blonds Business….or what I like to call BBB, at first I thought she was too skinny for that, then realized she’s planning for the future by the looks of her body, her budding cankles and double chin, I can tell you she’ll be a fat mess in a few years…that doesn’t mean stop eating girls….I like fat chicks, I married a fat chick, I was just making conversation. Cuddles.
