Terry Richardson proves yet again that being a photographer gets you pussy, or at least gets you to hang around hot pussy, especially when you’ve convinced the world that your perverted, amateur style of photography is fuckin’ art and not just perverted and amateur, because your dad was some successful fashion photographer you rode to the top of your game, and really who cares, his shit is at least semi-interesting to look at, especially when the girls in the pics are hipster trust fund trash he’s pulled out of the bar and brought back to his loft to get, but are actually highend fashion models at the top of their game doing the Pirelli Calendar. What it comes down to is we’re all full of shit, the smart ones are the ones who make money off it, or at least get pussy from it, and the nice ones are the ones who share that pussy with the rest of us in pictures….

The modesl you see are Miranda Kerr, Ana Beatriz Barros, Miranda Kerr, Eniko Mihalik, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Catherine M, Abbey Lee, Daisy Lowe, Gracie C, Marloes Horst, Lily Cole, Georgina Stojiilkovic and their tits.

I fell in love with a model the other day. She was working inside some trendy restaurant, while I was sitting outside trying to get people to give me their doggy bags, without realizing that 99% of people don’t leave trendy restaurants with leftovers, I guess it’s frowned upon.

I guess this tall, model lookin bitch who was probably working as a waitress in Canada because she lacked confidence and thought she wasn’t good enough to move to LA or NYC to become professional, kept coming outside for a cigarette and I figured I’d chat her up, knowing she had no self esteem despite having an amazing body, unfortunately, she didn’t have low enough self esteem to acknowledge me. I just kept trying to chat her up and she just kept lookin the other way. I feel like Miranda Kerr would probably do the same and here she is in some pics for Rolling Stone, wearing nothing but bush.

Here is Miranda Kerr Ringing a Bell at some Promo Event the other day…

Miranda Kerr is in her lingerie for some ad because she’s a bikini model. I am not in lingerie for some ad because I am not a bikini/lingerie model, I just wear the shit because it makes me feel pretty. Fuck you.

Here are some polished, boring, catalog pictures of Miranda Kerr for Victoria’s Secret. I was never the kind of guy who was able to get off to catalog pictures, I’d hate the shitty air brushing of the nipples and bush, and I’d go for National Geographic tribal pics, because it was authentic, but that was in an era before internet, now none of us really have to worry about that shit, but seeing Miranda Kerr in a bikini reminds me that on Spring Break, I’m not out getting drunk and flashed, but sitting in an unheated apartment with a fat wife who I don’t want to see flash anything but her credit card my way…

I was told that it was some national holiday today so I figured I wouldn’t have to post, then some asshole called me up to tell me that people are still expecting a fucking update, that’s when I asked myself when I became a fucking slave laborer who was chosen to entertain 5 people while they sit at home with nothing better to do on their day off, because it’s fucking Monday and Monday’s are supposed to be spent at work and not at home and they can’t seem to figure it out or some shit….

Here are some pictures of Miranda Kerr in a bikini this past weekend, because it’s her fucking job to start the fucking day….

Miranda Kerr did some photoshoot for some fashion magazine from France that I am sure none of you have a yearly subscription to, so I figured I’d post some of the pictures from her spread, because as you all know, the French are sluts and have anal sex on the first date and that kind of passion comes through in the photography, only they trick the models into thinking they are part of this greater artistic vision, which is along the same lines of what I had to do the time I convinced a French slut to have anal on the first date, if you consider throwing 50 dollars her way art…..

Bikini models pretty much have the hottest bodies out there and when Victoria’s Secret that they are the leaders of the eastern European and South American Sex Trade get down to it, they manage to pay the best bodies out there to get into their bikinis and give you something to look at that you’ll never be able to afford….

I really wish I knew Victoria’s other secret and that is how to manipulate girls to get half naked. I assume that it involves money and threats on the lives of their family members, because no matter what sweet talking I do, the only bitches I have managed to get to take off their clothes have always been overweight with saggy tits, acne or red scabby shit that looks like acne all over their body, stretch marked and unshowered. The kind of girl that no one would ever really want to see even if they were fully clothed, you know the kind of girl you cross the street to avoid brushing up against, and the only time that ever really works for me is if a lot of alcohol is involved and instead of laughing at the experience, I tend to marry them, so I clearly have some work to do to get to this quality level, but I guess you gotta start somewhere, and the little mistakes you make along the way, even if they weigh 300 pounds, just teach you not to make the same mistake again, mainly because the bitch won’t let me shit without running it past her….it’s like I’m in fucking prison motherfuckers….PRISON…….but at least Miranda Kerr and her tight little body give me hope that it’s not this bad for everyone out there….that my suffering balances out all the good pussy being scored….and my happiness is a small sacrifice to make for the benefit of mankind…..

Bonus – Some Other Victoria’s Secret Sluts in Bathing Suits and This Shoot….

So I got a little carried away with this Obama shit while drunk last night, I’d be embarrassed but really never go back on the stupid shit I say or do when drunk, I just kinda move on and pretend it never happened. Obama is just a motivational speaker, the black Tony Robins, with a less offensively massive head, trying to pass off responsibility to the people, motivate the people, and instead of carrying the weight of the problems on his shoulders or making the right decisions, he just acts as a figurehead for hope and unity, something America didn’t really have.

I don’t think people know entirely what they are in for, or know the impact of what is going to happen based on his term in office, and like a deadbeat dad, I am convinced nothing is going to change, people will still be poor, people will still be dying in hospitals, but it was a pretty powerful speech.

George Bush was from day one a total fuck up, Palin was a total idiot, McCain didn’t deal with the economy properly, Obama played the race card, America has a lot of ethnic people who hate white people, he sold a dream, and he won….

So he has a great smile, was a novelty, campaigned hard and strong and was a hero in the media, coming in with unrealistic goals and visions that make sense to desperate people, or people who want more out of life, and he did it with style and power but dudes pretty much over-promised and I highly doubt you’ll get what you want and the next 4 months will be about him trying to manage expectations and diffuse the flames her lit to get in office.

I am having Obama supporter remorse, he was a little bit of a novelty with really big goals and expectations, kinda telling the people what they want to hear, you know telling girls in the bar how big your dick is or how fat your wallet is to get them so wet you can hear the jelly donut in her pants squishing between her thighs.

So good luck with all this shit, and that concludes my political talks for the next little while, but no one cares about what I think,

Here are some pictures of to start the day of Marissa Miller and Miranda Kerr since they are the American Dream, well at least one of them is, and the other one just makes more money than you do in your own country, fuckin’ immigrants takin’ all the fuckin’ jobs…..and choosin’ the fuckin’ president….

I am already excited about going out and getting drunk in a couple of hours because I can’t seem to remember all the funny shit I saw yesterday and I need new material. Every couple of months, my brain just stops working on me and shit I tell myself to remember always just disappear, but I do know that it is Frosh week and despite how annoying it is seeing a bunch of young girls hanging out with a bunch of lame dudes that they just met when they moved to the city wasted, naive and pretty much acting as wild as they fuckin’ can, it’s better than sitting on my couch listening to my wife breathing in the other room.

That said, Miranda Kerr is supposed to be this prodigy model and everyone is freaking out about her and I just don’t get it. There’s really nothing special about her and to honor that, I wrote a post that is really nothing special. It happens.

Here are some pictures of Miranda Kerr and Orlando Bloom on a vacation tanning naked as they are supposed to. The highlight of the pictures have to be finally seeing Orlando Bloom’s ass. Dude was so dreamy in Pirates that I’ve just been waiting for this day for the last 5 years. It’s days like today that I want to take off my Crocodile Dundee Hat, put my pet Kangaroo back in his cage, drink a couple of Beers and sing Waltzing Matilda to celebrate Australia because I support all things white trash and Australia was pretty much built on that shit and deserves some fuckin’ love for their naked exports that are a lot more worthy of love than Vegemite or Steve Irwin.

Miranda Kerr is a Model. This is her working. Watching me work is far less interesting, unless of course if you like watching obese topless dude in his wife’s underwear because it fits, sweating, smoking cigars and eating while ash and crumbs cover his body and tears roll down his face because his computer is a piece of shit, but not as big of a piece of shit as his life.

The Victoria’s Secret cult strikes again with their distracting hot bitches in bikinis that they pretty much own like this dude I know who bough a Russian in some Mail Order bride service. Bitch did everything he told her and it was always funny seeing this tall hot blonde chick holding hands with a short, old fat guy, but she was just happy to be there until he pushed too hard and his posters of war-torn Russia that he would point to everytime she was out of line stopped working, leading to her taking the driving seat and eventually leaving him for some younger, richer dude. I just tell him he’s lucky he got out alive, because anyone from a war-torn country is dangerous and reverts back to survival mode when they really lose it but poor fucker is just broken hearted about it. I guess that just proves you can’t buy happiness, but you can buy pussy.

Everyone’s talking about Miranda Kerr because she’s all over the fuckin’ place. She’s whored herself to Victoria’s Secret but I guess it’s better than whoring yourself on the street corner. The deal with Victoria’s Secret is that she gets massive exposure as their new face while traveling all over the place for their Fashion Show, Catalog and marketing like with this in-store promotion for their new perfume in exchange for what is probably a couple million dollars a year and that is a better deal than sucking multiple dirty dicks for just enough money to get high to help you live with being a whore, but the concept is pretty much the same.

Victoria’s Secret realizes that these girls are whores to them and that’s why they get them half naked for us, it’s like the time my friend hired a hooker and asked me to watch him fuck her because he thought it was more bang for his buck. This time instead of being in Lingerie, Miranda Kerr is in a Kissing Booth, which is the gateway booth to a peep show or a glory hole and she’s lookin’ pretty good with her staged sluttiness that I know beneath the act lies a real sluttiness that got her in this position in the first place.

Here are some pictures of Miranda Kerr posing with underwear and not without underwear and some Victoria’s Secret launch. It seems like once the people at Victoria’s Secret comb the world over to find hot young pussy, they put these girls to work, making them do catalog shoots, store appearances, fashion shows all in exchange for a lot of money to not get fat and lazy. Sure they milk these poor girls like crazy and only compensate them with a ton of money and a life of international fame and fortune instead of their miserable lives as a married housewife to the highschool quarterback who’s now a drunk trucker had they not signed with Victoria’s Secret, but you’d milk them too for a lot less money had you accidentally crossed paths with them in a back alley before they were using their looks to get famous, and back when they were using their looks to get a pack of smokes.

I guess what it comes down to is that I hate underwear and everything it represents, I feel like my wife’s extra large, old, stained and permanent stinking underwear has turned me off that shit forever. If only my wife could have the same affect on my drinking, that’s way I wouldn’t die prematurely, but instead her disgustingness turned me back to the bottle when I realized I had to pretend I was in love with her….enough about me…look at this Miranda Kerr prostitute…

One of these things is not like the other or some shit and that is why this picture made me laugh. It’s got pretty much nothing that you’d want out of a picture of a swimsuit model, like her wearing some bag-lady clothes in some stupid pedicure sandals she stole for the Korean nail lady but there’s a fuckin’ midget in the background and whenever I see midgets I always get excited. I think it’s because I used to fuck around with a midget chick when no other girls wanted anything to do with me and she was always eager helping my non existent self esteem. The other thing that helped my self esteem when rollin’ with her was how my dick always looked so big in her little midget hand. It made me want to join the circus and never get with regular sized girls ever again because I couldn’t deal with their judgmental ways, but instead I ended up with a girl 3 times my size and now have to live with my mistake for the rest of my worthless life. I guess the good news is that I will always have pictures of Hayden Panettiere to remind me of what once was…..