I guess this is just another hard day at the office for model Angela Lindvall, who was seen shooting some Jimmy Choo ad on 5th Avenue in a bikini in October. To think people say that models have it easy, I mean, getting down to a bikini in the middle of a New York street in the fall early in the morning, after spending a night doing blow in a VIP room with rock stars and celebrities, after a 3 week stint of time off spent sleeping in and going to nice restaurants, because as a model work’s not always constant and as a model you really only need a job a month to make enough money to live the life of luxury, is a lot harder than what you do, you lazy free loading fuck.
The point of this post is I like this campaign and hope that it ends up in a Vietnamese Lady Bar bathroom with a skirt hiked up around it’s waist and a garden hose attached to the toilet to wash out her cooch…if you know what I mean….which you probably don’t which is okay,because here are a lot of pictures to distract you from me being not funny.
I saw these pictures of Juliette Lewis modeling from what I assume is Fashion Week in New York that just ended, but I don’t really know because I don’t stay on top of that shit, but I do know that hiring Juliette Lewis to be a model for anything but a drug program doesn’t make sense. I guess the company was on a tight budget and Juliettee Lewis needed the money bad because she owes her dealer or some shit, because she has no business doing this. It’s like hiring Rosie O’Donnell to model swimwear, but not any swimwear, really skimpy and sexual swimwear.
Sure Juliette Lewis is skinny enough to be a model because she’s a fuckin crackhead, but she’s is so fuckin’ ratty lookin, that I wouldn’t want to buy those clothes she wore, but would instead want to burn them for public safety. Sure, I am exaggerating a little, but I would take my wife’s chicken broth/week old kitchen garbage smelling pussy over whatever the fuck this Juliette Lewis bitch has got brewing in her unwashed panties, which I assume smells like feces, rotting meat and death and if you don’t believe me, just look at the pictures, before the paparazzi email me to take them down.
So there was a time when a very different lookin’ Angelina Jolie was just some typical rich kid slut who loved attention and who hated herself who got half naked in front of the camera while high in what looks to be some kind of Snuff film, but that doesn’t end like a snuff film should, but instead becomes the gateway to some long lasting career as some dark girl we all wanna fuck, but I see through the act and know she’s more hungry for attention than she ever was for cock, but realized cock was the vehicle for attention.
This is old, you’ve probably seen it already, I am posting it anyway, because it reminds me of videos I try making for girls with no daddies who I meet at the bus shelter, only they never go onto become famous. Enjoy.
Keep in mind that I didn’t double check whether this video works or not, it’s old, so I guess who really cares. Right?
What people don’t realize when they jerk off to these pictures of models in Sports Illustrated or their mom’s Victoria’s Secret catalog is that models aren’t hot in person. They are fucking scarey genetic freaks of nature that are look like they have these tight, nice bodies, but the second you stand next to them and realize you go up to their shoulders and that their shoulers are broader than you, that whole perspective changes.
I saw a picture that I can’t find of Kurkova a couple of weeks ago standing next to a normal sized girl and bitch looked like she was about to eat her. I knew then that this product of Chernobyl was not going to last long because her true very large colors were eventually going to be obvious to everyone.
Now, I hear that she’s losing her modeling contract unless she drops some weight and here are the pictures explaining why.
Here’s a video of Marisa Miller at her boxing club because I am guessing that is how she keeps fit. There’s something magical about seeing a girl exercise because my wife is a pig and just getting her off the couch is a work out for her fat ass and that’s more disgusting than it is hot.
There’s also something magical of seeing a girl who could kick my ass that looks like Marisa Miller because most girls who can kick my ass are scary fucking lesbians on a mission to rip off my penis and hold it up like some kind of very small and embarrassing victory for men with their very tiny trophy representing bringing evil men down.
What I really like is how Marisa Miller rocks that speed bag but that’s just because I haven’t had a good hand job since I was 14 and it looks like she could really bring it, when most girls who aren’t virgins are lazy and more inclined to just let you stick it in them because it’s less work on their arm and less self-less because if they’re letting in their junk their better be something in it for them, when a handjob is just about giving. The sports bra, despite hating what sports bras do to tits makes reliving that experience from years ago with budding breasts in a training bra more believable….Thanks supermodel for reminding me that my life sucks.
In being hungover, uninspired, bored and lazy. I decided to let some girl who added me to facebook write this post without having seen the pictures because this shit’s like American Idol, the blog version, only difference is, writing on the site doesn’t make you an idol to anyone except maybe to people in third world countries, but that’s just because they’re jealous that you have a computer and free time to spend writing garbage for a website, while they’re out working the field and eating bugs to survive.
This is what she wrote:
Cindy Crawford is an ugly old bitch who sucks and I ahte her. I wish she would take that mole off her face and shove it down her throat so that she’d choke and then die. But I’d still fuck her.
I always like watching middle-aged women trying to relive their youth. I was walking down the street the other day and saw some annoying mother with her two tween daughters wearing the same fucking outfit. They all had tights, UGGS, cellphones with decorative bullshit on them and were all drinking an iced coffee drink from Starbucks like they were Hayden Panettiere, who by the way, I decided to mention in every post today. They were all talking like annoying fucking teenage girls and for some reason, it made me want to take the mom’s virginity, even though it was long gone.
I was at a bar the other day and saw a group of older bitches trying to rock out to Soulja Boy. They were laughing and having a good time, which was good because based on their looks they didn’t have much else going for them and it was nice to see that despite their shortcomings and bad aging, they could still have a good time. I don’t think they had any idea what the Soulja Boy song or the dance was, but they were wasted and looking for husbands. It was funny realizing that I am the same age as they are but I am way more in tune with pop culture….I got my finger on the pulse of that shit thanks to the internet being my social life and everyone knows that doing an old lady dirty get me pregnant so I can have meaning in my useless lonely one night stand filled life old lady dance to Soulja Boy just doesn’t fly, like Superman….Crank Dat.
Either way, here is Heidi Klum back on the runway for her Project Runway show, that I like to call the retirement plan, because bitch is too old to model, but still looks better than you do when you put on your mom’s heels and pose in front of the mirror, fruitcake.
So this is some model named Jessica Stam who is supposed to be pretty popular now so I decided to try to find her on Facebook since seducing “it” girls on the internet is what I do, except for the seducing part because they usually just block and delete me. I tell them how I want to give them abortions and other retarded shit that doesn’t translate into funny online, kinda like this site.
Either way, I came across these pictures and realized that she may be a hot model in pictures and on the runway, but she’s not a hot girl at events and in candid pictures and figured I’d post them for you all to see and hopefully to get back to her because let’s face it, she’s better than anything I’ve fucked. So her crack addict bags under her eyes and her mustache aren’t really that big of a deal to me. The addicts I’ve fucked didn’t even have both their eyes, and it’s just nice to see that she makes enough money for me to wallet fuck her with my limp dick in hopes of K-Feding her to support my retirement plan, but then again the dude who just gave me a coffee a Starbucks makes enough money to support my retirement. I’m not very luxurious, despite popular belief.
I don’t know when these Bar Rafaeli lingerie pictures were taken, but I figured they were worth posting because she’s Israeli and she proves that some Jewish girls are actually decent looking and not the product of inbreeding with their droopy dog faces that only daddy’s big bank account can fix with plastic surgery.
I am not trying to be an anti-semite or anything, I am just saying that Jewish guys always run after non-Jewish girls for a reason. At first I thought it was a power trip, like having the power to lock a hot non-Jew down and making her convert for you and your lifestyle, because I hear converting to that shit takes at least a year, but then I realized that Jewish girls just don’t really have it going on for the most part. Sure they are all good at giving blowjobs because of their teenage years at summer camp trained them right, and usually the Jews who are good looking are just smoke and mirrors, you know the right clothes and make-up and constant maintenance and hair salon appointments. But they are just as high maintenance as their Jew hair and Jewish guys realize that if they just run after some poor non-Jew that they don’t respect, they can get what they want because they give them a taste of the “Good Life” all while being dicks to them, because in their mind they are never going to marry the bitch because she’s not one of them, until they prove that they are worthy.
The whole thing is weirder that David Copperfields elaborate pick up strategy and I guess none of that really matters, because they are getting the bitches and you aren’t, but these pictures of Bar Rafaeli prove that their is still hope for the Jews…..
So Adriana Lima is like you and me, except she’s good looking, gets paid to be good looking, and travels the world to make obscene amounts of money, but she still gets searched by security, proving that all that other shit just doesn’t matter, because what it comes down to is that she’s not some fantasy, she still takes shits, and she’s probably just as annoying as your last girlfriend, but not because she’s in the fifth grade, but because she’s probably only got a fifth grade education, before being poached by a modeling agency and taken to the top. That was a fucking long sentence and I guess nothing I say really matters, but what does matter is that if I was the security card, I’d definitely demand a full cavity search, with my dick, because you can never trust those South Americans, they are always up to cocaine smuggling and being lady boys.
Here she is at Airport security, making dude’s shitty 10 dollar an hour job all worth it.
Last night I got to talking with a couple of guys from the park about how young girls are shitty in bed. They were telling me that they would never fuck anyone under 22 because 95% of people under 22 don’t know how to fuck and it’s too risky invest time into a chick trying to land the 5% of quality that’s out there. I told them that I would only fuck girls under 22 if I could because they have tighter bodies than girls who are older than 22 and all the girls I ever fucked were shitty in bed anyways because I used the date rape drug.
The dudes then went into how they used to bang models and that models are shit in bed no matter what age because models are too concerned with being pretty and well positioned to get on all fours and take it like a man…I mean…woman…. I didn’t agree, because the models I see are usually not all the hot or put together, they just clean up nicely for pictures but really like going out and getting fucked up, and drunk party sluts who are high always means a decent fuck that ends with her puking all over your chest because the first video I ever saw on a computer was two Asians in a bathtub puking on each other and since then it’s been a fetish or a curse…
Speaking of puking models, here’s Kate Moss with some chinless Simon and Garfunkle motherfucker who looks like he’s eating his face because I love Kate Moss and because we decided she’d be a good fuck while talkin’. What were you doing with your night? Don’t answer that because I don’t really care, I was just proving that I have way more stimulating and exciting nights than you because people actually talk to me. Cuddles.
Joanna Krupa is a model who has been on the cover of a ton of magazines and has been in Playboy because she is hot and looks good naked. I have no idea what else she’s done as far as work goes but I do know that these topless calendar pics are a good fuckin’ move because she is hot and looks good naked. She was born in Poland so I can only assume she got her career started at a young age as a contortionist who would balance on a Ball with a bear during the communist years when Poland was known for their circus performers, or maybe she was a Gypsy, like the cunt who lives in the next building over from me. The other day I was walking down the street and she stopped her car next to me and started screaming at me about shit I didn’t understand and could only assume was some kind of relapse into WWII concentration camps. Unfortunately she ended up trying to run me over but missed, because I could have used the insurance settlement and I don’t really need my legs anyway because I like to sit….on Joanna Krupa’s face…because she’s hot and looks good naked.
I like going to Starbucks and positioning my shitty lap top so everyone around me can see what I am doing on my computer. Then I look for some seriously fucked up porn clips, pull out a notebook and notes on the shit like I am Siskel and Ebert, before Siskel died.
I usually do it during the day when the only people in the place are old ladies, new mothers and ready to drop knocked up bitches bored on maternity leave. They are my audience, I figure those sluts know this shit better than most, but that’s just because they’re packin the proof with their old age and post-pregnancy weight.
I’ve been kicked out a few times for being inappropriate, but for the most part people just look the other way in disgust and don’t bother complaining. I don’t know why I get a kick out of it, I guess I just like being around people who are of a normal weight and this is the best way to make new friends without actually having to put myself out there and introduce myself. Reality is, that strategy doesn’t work out so well.
Speaking of not working out so well, here are some pictures of Petra Nemcova communing with regular people by taking a taxi like she couldn’t afford her own driver, but is easily impressed because she’s from communism and in communist Russia, getting a ride on your neighbor’s son’s back was considered luxury.
I shoulda married a model. When I look at my wife I always feel like I sold myself short. Then I look at myself in the mirror and realize that I am exactly where I am supposed to be, but if I was to live this life differently, I’d be that dude who bangs models because I think models may not be the hottest bitches out there, but they think they are and that’s makes cumming on their faces way more fun.
Kate Moss is hot, she’s a bit of a wreck, she’s getting older, she has a British Grill, looks a little haggard, she’s spent the last 10 years with lots of money in the bank and little to do with it other than have meaningless relationships, cocaine and going to clubs getting drunk. Models are pretty much retired by 30 and tall skinny party sluts that act a little more glamorous than the whores you see at the bars, because they work in the fashion industry, and the fashion industry is so fucking luxurious….but a party slut is a party slut no matter what and all party sluts take it in the ass this good life isn’t as good as knowing that Kate Moss takes in the ass.
The other good news for me is that it’s never too late to make changes, guys age well and like the drug dealer I saw the other night in his mid-50s with 8 hot model looking girls on his arm, while hustling every girl who walked by him, hot chicks are dumb enough to be bought.
So my goal is to find a way to turn this site into a Perez Hilton type site, end up on TV everywhere and use all that 5 minutes of undeserved fame to bed as many models as I can with my limp useless dick that I will use Viagra to revive, but unfortunately Viagra won’t make it look less like an oversized clit…but who cares, my fame will distract bitches from my big clit/little dick and don’t worry, I know this is all fantasy, the closest thing I’ll ever have to fame is being recognized at the local convenience store.
I saw these pictures last night but was too lazy to post them. I was all about doing it in the morning when I woke up, unfortunately the morning became 2 pm and then after folding laundry and doing dishes I finally get to them. The reason I am folding laundry and doing dishes isn’t because I am the bitch of the household. It’s not because I am neat. I do it out of necessity because shit fucking smells really fucking bad and I can stomach bad smells for a couple of weeks but when they turn really fucking bad I start to think my life is in danger, and despite being aware of my sucking at life, I still like to live it or drive it into the ground. Being poisoned by my wife’s panty stains isn’t really how I want to go. However, being poisoned by Petra Nemcova’s panties is a definite better option and I know that shit is deadly cuz that serial player to the stars Stavros got a piece.
Sometimes I wonder how many dudes some of these girls have bagged. I remember being 20 years old and meeting a 20 year old girl who had banged 30 dudes and I was kinda shocked and grossed out because she wasn’t a hooker and most girls I knew had only been with 10 or less because they were just starting out. She was the first regular girl and I got skeptical about cumming inside without a condom, but figured she’d know what to do if she got knocked up because she had experience in the situation, like hiring an ex cop to find out if your wife is cheating on you, not that I would do that, if my wife was cheating on me, I’d buy the dude a drink and thank him for taking her off my hands, figuratively of course, because if she was on my hands literally, I wouldn’t be able to type this shit because all my finger’s be broke.
