Esquire got a hoit model in her underwear and I didn’t…so here’s their video and not my video because the only person I seem capable getting in their underwear is me and if that is a struggle and probably doesn’t smell or look this good……

The rumor is that Gisele is working off her new baby weight and showing off her milk-filled tits, but she’s not fooling any of us…we all know she’s actually a dude they found in a small brazilian town…because men make better bikini models since they don’t get their periods…I mean Brazil is known for their trannies being very believable, so where the fuck else would the gangsters at Victoria’s Secret go to kidnap a motherfucker to work their asses off for them in exchange for their family’s freedom…who had to stage a pregnancy to justify his new breast implants…we know how it works…you’re not fooling us Gisele…or should I say George….

Either way, real tits, mom tits, fake tits on a tranny or not, she’s lookin’ better than ever…so new moms or dudes who are pretending to be new moms take some fucking notes…

Pics via Fame

Here’s one of the newest models to sell her soul to Victoria Secret because that stamp of approval is serious and means she’s got it going on in a big fucking way. She’ only 23 and she doesn’t mind getting topless making her pretty much my kind of girl. Not to mention I’ve been following everything she’s worn this month in this What She is Wearing feature on Vogue, cuz I’m creepy but not quite as creepy as the guy who came up with this concept….

Jerry Hall was a top model in the 1970-and now she’s scary as fuck, which makes you wonder what kind of girls get booked as models. I know for the most part they take a good picture when they are young and before they are eaten by the fucking lifestyle of hard drinking and drugs, but when you get the make-up off and give them a few year in bake in the sun, they are nothing but serious monsters. Sure, in pictures a 6 foot tall chick looks like she’d be fun to get up inside, but when you put her in heels and stand next to her at the bar, it feels more like you can crawl up her leg and burry yourself into her womb to keep warm when you’ve been evicted and have no where else to go…unfortunately, the freaks of natures have these egos that come with charing 2000 dollars a picture that makes them uninterested in short fat men, even though you’d think they’d take anything they could get based on their look, when really they have more money and glamor than they know what to do with…that’s why you should always be nice to freakishly tall women…when they are young, because by the time they weather like Jerry Hall, there’s pretty much nothing left for you…except maybe Mick Jagger divorce settlement money…but even that may not be enough to distract a man from this fucked up face.

Here she is in her prime for those of you who probably have no idea who Jerry Hall is….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

It always impresses me when I see moms who look like Elle Macpherson, not that it happens ever, but it would impress me if I did, because moms just aren’t supposed to look worth fucking sober.

I am sure her baby daddy feels pretty fucking lucky that the mother of his kids is this easy to look at, but then again, I am sure her baby daddy fucks a lot hotter younger pussy than her, as he is probably really fucking rich, cuz models don’t really have kids with people who aren’t really fucking rich, it’s against their rules….

All I do know is that Elle Macpherson is fucking up my theory that pussy dies at 30. I traditionally hate older bitches but because older bitches usually expire. THe let themselves sag, droop, eat whatever they fucking want, turn disgusting and feel entitled cuz they are busy raising kids…bullshit….sure, she doesn’t work, she has nannies, she has a trainer who she pays more than most executives make a year, and it’s her fucking livlihood to stay lookin’ this good, but I just wish more women had that same drive and treated lookin’ good like it was their job. It would make parent-teacher night I sometimes sneak into at the local elementary school lookin’ for eager, desperate single-moms willing to support me, a lot more fun.

Pics via Bauer

I know. Seeing Pam Anderson modeling for her boring played out homo club kid friend after all these years never gets old, but she does. Seriously, her body, no matter how hard she tries to keep it up to date, it just keeps falling short, but I guess gay people are just drawn to how fun and famous she is and don’t care that she looks like a fuckin dude as her feminity slowly drips out of her in her final periods, if anything they celebrate that dry pussy shit….

The sad news is that I’d still suck the hepatitis out of her dirty used up pussy, but that’s not saying much for Pam Anderson, it’s just saying a whole lot about me.

Bonus – Some Amanda Lepore Nipple for the Weird Tranny Lovers….

Pics via Fame

I don’t know about you but the idea of “Wedding” themed lingerie is pretty much counter intuitive, and I don’t even know what counter intuitive means, I just know that there is nothing hot about getting married, and that no dude fetishizes about about his wedding night and that this little outfit is definitely designed for women to masturbate in, since we only get married when we’ve given up on life and figure we can’t do any better than the bitch we are with and are willing to accept that this is fuckin’ it.

Our wedding night is never the best sex of our lives, if anything our wives are too tired to really put out proper, foreshadowing what is to come. Not to mention the best sex of our life happend on vacation with this hot chick who happened to be on the resort and who was recently single and ready to spite her ex for cheating on her by giving a radom guy the best sex of his life for an entire week and little fucking compares to that….

Her name is Nieve Jennings, I don’t know anything about her, but I know her wedding fetish outfit is really fucking depressing

Pics via PacificCoastNews

I love that a geeky weird 17 year old kid who looks like he’s making a personal computer in his garage in 1982 can land a date with a Maxim Model and we can’t.

All it takes is a little drive and a little geeky weird 17 year old dancing like an asshole so that all the idiots around the itnernet watch the shit and think it is the funniest thing ever because they have the minds of retarded mice, if you know what I mean…

But no matter how basic an idea this is, you gotta give dude props, cuz despite lookin’ real non threatening, I hear he has an elaborate plan to rape and murder the bitch so she can never leave him.

Serves her right for meeting a dude from the internet.

I am all for helping out family to get ahead. You know really milking the industry that you have been a huge success in from all angles. Calling on friends and promising to do more business with them if they hook up your neice, daughter, neighbor, whatever. That’s all part of the reason the rich get richer and we all just stay the fucking same. I really don’t blame them for my fate, or the life I live and I’m not even bitter than this bitch is working as a model when she would be better suited to do porn. I just hope there aren’t too many of these family member approved aspiring models who have faces only a family member could love, because as a member of the public, I prefer my models to be hot and half naked….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

I get that a bitch needs to make a living. I also get that a bitch doesn’t want to only be known as the bitch who gets half naked. I get that she may feel objectified being a body in a bikini or panties and feels the need to legitimize herself as a body who also wears clothes. It’s like pornstars who also strip who don’t want people to think they only fuck for money, they also have the art of striptease, you know where they usually started out before going labia out and who just didn’t give it all up for free…but what these idiots don’t understand is that we don’t care what you used to do, or that there was a time when you were just a regular model or a regular stripper, we care about you strictly because we jerk off to you, so doing this is just like a spit in all of our faces.

Pics via Bauer

Nothing says obnoxious ego like this bitch who was once just a simple teenage girl shopping in a mall before being discovered like a bitch who let her American fame and fortune get to her fucking head, so that when she is at home in Australia she has to annoy everyone around her by acting all fucking important, when no one at home really gives a fuck cuz you’re still that awkward bitch who worked at the videostore or some shit, but now who can’t even get out of the fuckin house without getting her hair and make-up done, so that she can show off her poses she’s practived for the paparazzi she’s hired to really drive the point home. I’d still love to cum on her face and give her something to smile about….

Pics via PacificCoastNews

Kate Moss has this thing going for her that I can only really explain as model genes, because no matter how many cocks she’s swallowed in her big fat pussy, no matter how many herpes outbreaks she’s had that have gone untreated only to scab and scar her pussy up, no matter how many other STDs she’s had along the way thanks to fucking the dirtiest needle sharing rockstars, no matter how many genital warts have gone undetected due to neglect that have turned into pre-cancerous cells and no matter how many showers she’s skipped in a row making her pussy smell like a sewage pipe…she’s still Kate Moss and she’s still fucking hot….

Pics via Bauer

This Victoria's Secret shoot is dominating the internet the past couple of days because Victoria's Secret are smart fucking marketers who hire the paparazzi to follow them onto shoots to release to the public who is already obsessed with their models because their maodels are fucking hot and have been turned into celebrities in their own right, meaning anytime any pervert mentions any of these bitches, Victoria's Secret is getting a fucking plug. It's like their own army of hot pussy to fight for their cause, which is a lot more than I can say for myself, because the only army I have is scabies on my thigh, or yeast infection on my foot that aren't actually working for me cuz if I don't get shit sorted out, I will have to get amputated and the smell is pretty miserable for everyone around me, so kids out there, if you don't want this to happen to you....change your socks...

That said, I bet Miranda Kerr is a total cunt, especially when she gets her period, partially because she's Australians and Australians are all trash, but also because the ones who look all wholesome and nice are usually the twats and she's so used to being pampered and her ego's is more massaged than your cock that you happen to rub down multiple times a day cuz everyone needs love even if you have to give it to yourself ...but that just makes me want to fuck her harder but with more rage in my thrust....now all I need to do is figure out how to get a boner...

Pics via Fame

Doutzen Kroes is big and she doesn’t really prove that she’s not as thick as she seems when standing next to a pregnant chick in a bikini, an tool used for generations to make bigger girls look skinny by comparison, because this pregnant chick looks like something Doutzen could eat for lunch, or even a snack to muster up the energy to get back on the beach running, cuz these pics of her being sitting, scratching her fat ass and recovering between shots is lazy because lazy is what got her this big in the first place, and once you get this big it makes not being lazy impossible because your stamina is down, your energy level is down, and just getting out of bed is a struggle.

Seriously, I know from experience, I just rolled out of bed, dry heaved in the bathroom after having what must have been an asthma attack, before shitting myself when I got outside to walk my stupid dog cuz I thought it was just a fart. I figure that hard drinking may be reason, but obesity probably plays a factor, or maybe it’s just all in my fucking head, but what I do know is that if I was pretending to run on the beach and if I didn’t die of a heart attack in the process, I’d be doin’ the Doutzen and taking a breather too…..

Either way, she’s a bit of a monster I’d like to fuck, I can’t hold the fact that her fingers are bigger than my penis against her, since most women fingers are bigger than my dick and I’d leave my life womanless…..She should just step up her shit and stop hanging with pregnant chicks and start hanging with Precious cuz I guess since winning Golden Globes isn’t her specialty, making bitches who stand next to her look skinny is.

Yes, I’ve posted other pics of this shoot, but these are new ones….seriously…

Pics via Fame

Some Model who is actually a stripper who wanted to be a model named Paula Sladewski who was 26 years old and in a Playboy video called the Ultimate Playmate Search back in 2003 was found burnt in a trash can , RIP Motherfucker, I guess she was hangin with the wrong crowd, as strippers tend to do or maybe just in the wrong place at the wrong time, like at a ghetto stripclub when a psychopath was there, but it confirms that the world is a sick fucking place.

I figured I’d post some pictures of her before she was burned beyond recognition….I hope they catch the killer who is probably her boyfriend and while they are lookin’ let’s celebrate her life….but I couldn’t find the video she was in..