Brody Jenner has a mother and she’s got a fuckin’ tight body. I am not sure if it’s a side-effect of the valium popping and an addiction to cocaine like most classy chicks, but I like to think she’s just natural beauty with a rock solid face that cares about her health enough to schedule 4 hour workout sessions with her 20-something personal trainer who she’s fucking and by personal trainer, I mean plastic surgeon.
I kinda feel bad for Brody Jenner, because having a mom this solid is a fucking curse because your first masturbation fantasies take place with a pair of her dirty panties on your face and your recent memories of walking in on her in the shower and that’s gotta fuck with your head a bit, something I am sure you know a lot about since your mom’s tits are bother the first and last set of tits you’ve sucked.
BONUS - Some Pictures of his Girlfriend Cora Skinner in a Bikini, But Why Would You Want to See Her After You’ve Just Seen His Mom, That’s Like choosing cheese in a can to top your cracker instead of the caviar…..you ghetto fuck.
I get a lot of hate mail from both men and women for making fun of pregnancy and how it rapes your body. I say shit like the reason a woman loves her baby so much is because of that baby, no other man will ever love her. It’s kinda like how every girl I’ve ever dated has turned lesbian for a couple of years after dating me, and it’s not because I was too much man and destroyed them physically, it’s more like I’m vile and turned them off the gender as a whole because I am just that good at being vile, but I gotta give it to Claudia Schiffer, she’s really bounced back and has a nice slim body after making babies. Sure her ass is kinda flat, but I’d take a mom with a flat ass over a fat ass, but then again my opinion is not fact since she’s wearing pants and I can’t see the kind of damage passing that kid has done to her vagina…I heard she couldn’t walk for a week…no wait that was you, after letting your friend fuck you up the ass because you were dying for human contact and didn’t care where it came from…..
Here’s an obvious post, but worth everyone’s attention, because that whole Will.I.Am shit is hitting the radio harder than I hit my kids. I don’t actually have kids, but the song is about having a hot body like your momma or some shit and it is annoying, but everyone always says before marrying a chick, take a close look at their mother because that’s what you are in store for. I guess Freddie Prinze Jr. didn’t get that life lesson in riding off your dead dad’s fame school or maybe he did but ignored it because marrying bitch was a career move than one from the heart but I am just hoping that Sarah Michelle Gellar didn’t get her from her momma, because she looks like a fucking troll and trolls have limited sex appeal. Either way Freddie Prinze Jr. is in for a fucking ride and by ride I mean the throwing up part of amusement parks and not so much the fun part of them, which is obviously pickin’ up teenage sluts, because the only girls your age who go to amusement parks are on lame dates with lame dudes who have already exhausted taking them to dinner and movies and every other cliche idea he saw in Romantic Comedies when researching pussy.
I saw these pictures and felt compelled to post them because I am convinced that if any other celebrity site bothered to post them they’d make a joke about what Michelle Trachtenberg is going to look like when she gets older, like that whole look at their mother bullshit theory idiots say when they date girls with fat moms.
My theory is who cares what the mother looks like, it’s not like you’re going to be with them long enough to see that happen. If you’re lucky enough to have a girlfriend who lets you see her naked right now, I can pretty much guarantee she’s not the girl who is going to marry you, she’s just going through a phase, unless she already looks like Michelle Trachtenberg’s mom.
Let’s face it, ugly chicks are desperate and have cinderella wedding dreams too…and it takes losers like you to make those dream come true. So don’t think that your life has no purpose, because it does, just not a very amazing purpose that a lot of people would envy, but reality is that you shouldn’t want people to envy you. You’re your very own Make a Wish Foundation….
I am not here to shit on you and your dreams, I just encourage everyone to do what makes them happy and who am I to judge you. Just because I married a bitch who is fatter and more disgusting than this Trachtenberg mom and from my experience I think that marrying old fat cooter is like marrying a pile of shit, only this pile of shit eats and nags and eats and sleeps and complains and tries to sleep with you when you really don’t want to see them naked or venture into those parts traumatizing you to the point where you can’t get boners anymore…doesn’t make me an expert. Reality is, you shouldn’t even be reading this.
So I wrote a myspace message to some teenage mother. I respect fertile people and I think teenage pregnancy is really hysterical.
—————– Original Message —————–
From: DrunkenStepfather.com
Date: Feb 6, 2006 10:49 AM
if you are 23, and have 2 kids, does that mean you are a spic?
or are you native american on the indian reserve?
or are you just poor and trying to find a way to get an increase on the welfare checks.
I bet you have a mangled vagina.
Tell “Halen” (her son, named after Van Halen), Jesus Says Hello.
Love
Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com
Nothing says crystal meth lab in our basement more than naming your ghetto kid after a ghetto band. Especially when you are 23 and your kid is 7. Either way, this is her response to me.
For one thing i am not on welfare and have a good job and a boy friend that i love vary much and you should keep your words to your self.
Thank you April
I know how bitches like this work. They are sad and loney and get themselves knocked up in efforts to keep their man, and always have someone by their site. This sometimes ends in deadbeat dads, but seriously, if you were to slam this girl in the parking lot outside the local sports bar, would you want to be stuck with her life. It’s called murder suicide for a reason.
I know I can’t spell, but typos are funnier from teenage mother’s cuz you know their preganancy forced them to quit grade 8.
