I am late on this, but that’s because I don’t have a TV so I didn’t bother watching it so my live blogging is more about how I sat at home and ate a bag of chips to myself because I have taken up emotional eating since I hate my life and it is the only thing that brings happiness. But here are a few pictures from the MTV Movie awards that I am sure were boring as fuck and remind me every year why I can’t stand famous people because they are full of shit and don’t make me laugh but think they are funny because everyone pays attention to them as they live their cushy lives on their piles of money in a false confidence that comes from constant approval - like the ugly chick who thinks she’s got it going on because she gives good head because she’s a good eater and all the dudes know that to get that good head all they need to do is send a text message asking for it and that’s a lot easier than actually trying to get your dick in a good looking girls mouth…Either way, here are some MTV Award pics that you’ve already seen.

Charlize Theron Because Despite Getting Old, Makes Me Want to Go to South Africa to Find Both A Younger Version and HIV

Audrina Patridge Because She Got on the List Because She is on an MTV Show and Not Because She’s Famous and I Like to Celebrate When People Trick the System….

Heidi Montag at the Event Because Only MTV Cares About Her

Lauren Conrad at the Event Because She’s an MTV Employee Too…..And Getting Into This Event is Like Going to Your Company Christmas Party But a Little more Upscale than the One Glass of Piss Wine you get at your Company Party…

Megan Fox because Everyone Likes Her Even Though I Know She’s a Fucking Loser….

Rumer Willis Because She Can’t Hide the Ugly No Matter How Hard She Tries….

Tila Tequila because She’s Got a Fake Reality Show on MTV Too….

Lindsay Lohan was offered 1,000,000 dollars from OK magazine to announce she’s a lesbian. Call me a sell out, but I’d get a sex change and suck a dick a day for the rest of my life for 1,000,000 dollars. I figure I hate fucking my wife anyway and my penis is pretty much already a vagina and I can afford to buy expensive moist toilettes to wipe my face down when the dick is done having it’s way with me. I guess I am just cheaper than Lohan and realize that 1,000,000 dollars probably isn’t much to her, but I also don’t give a fuck about what having a sex change or sucking dick for the rest of my life does to my career, I think it’s pretty clear I have no self-respect and don’t care what you think about me.

Either way, here’s Lohan’s potentially lesbian vagina covered in a hot pair of clean black underwear exposed as she fights with the wind, who turned out to be the biggest pervert at event because I wasn’t invited because no one takes me seriously, but if I was invited, I would have definitely put on a wig and a short skirt and finger-banged her because I hear she’s into that and don’t need to give her 1,000,000 dollars to find out.

On a side note, I will pay Ellen Page 2 dollars to admit she’s a lesbian, even though I already know the answer to that.

So this is some bitch I’ve never really heard of because I am not really into the whole MTV thing since I don’t have cable, and even if I did have cable I would probably be watching Discovery to learn how things are built or TLC to watch the Baby Story show. It turns out that one of my friend’s from the park just found out his recent mail order bride is pregnant and that they will be having their first baby in 9 months from now. So I’d like to use this site to say congratulations and good fucking luck ever making it back to the park when you’re too busy changing diapers and shit. You life as it was is over, but that’s not a bad thing because drinking on a park bench with a bunch of losers isn’t really living anyway.

A congratulations goes out to this couple too because it turns out that this breast implanted Varsity Cheerleading Squad Captain lookin’ stripper and her boyfriend who looks like some dick named Blair who is the Varisty Tennis Team Captain just got engaged. It’s like one of those obnoxious blue blooded engagements you see in the movies where the Prom Queen and KIng live happily ever after or some shit. Lucky for us, this isn’t a movie, and the chances of him sticking it out with her are pretty fucking slim, because her fake tits or not she still looks like a horse….and tits are only a fun distraction when your ugly girlfriend gets them and for the first 6 months of her having them and then the novelty wears off.

It’s like when you got your first Nintendo you could really only handle Mario and Duck Hunt for so fucking long before you had to beat up and steal from the fat kid at school who was an only child and who had every game ever made because his parents felt guilty for not giving him a friend to play with and compensated by giving him toys….

Let’s hope that daddy goes bankrupt, boyfriend leaves her and that she can’t land work and is forced to turn to stripping because her fake tits were like a business expense that made her pretty qualified for the job..