I guess no one really gives a fuck about Naomi Campbell, but I am in the mood to post skinny, rich, blacker than night, black chick tits and I had pretty limited options. I don’t know when these pictures were taken, I don’t know why they were taking, but I am going to go out on a limb and assume that they are work-related as she is a model. I met a model last night, she turned out to not be a real model, but an elderly model in the Wal Mart flyers/circulars/whatever the fuck they are called, she was just sitting at this hotel bar having a drink like it ain’t a thang, no one was going up to her and harassing her, like I’d expect and it was the closest brush with celebrity I ever had. It was even more memorable than telling Wesley Snipes he deserved an Oscar for Passneger 57 because shit changed my life, before he went broke and sits in a van outside his re-possessed home dreaming of the good old days and calling his agent to see if they got him lined up for that Sears athletic line ad because he needs the money to pay the rent on his 1 bedroom apartment. I asked her about how hard it was to really make the excitement on her face while her “grandkids” were jumping into a pile of leaves so believable and she just looked at me, square in the face and said “talent”. I got her autograph, I’d scan it, but I don’t have a scanner, but I do have these Naomi Campbell pics to tide you over…
I love that these retired supermodels have nothing better to do with their time than sit on yachts in their bikinis a week every month. It’s like Cindy Crawford, Kate Moss and a few other models just don’t know what to do with themselves now that work consists of not working because they are not young anymore and if they do get work, it is just some cameo shit so that people remember them all while their bank accounts are already full and they are set for life. It must be a pretty horrible feeling knowing that all that’s left for you is death, kinda like the retired people I know who try to get jobs as the Wal Mart greeter just to give themselves something to do, because when they end up doing nothing all day, they find themselves getting older, lazier and dead.
Either way, I am slow moving today, because like a supermodel, I don’t actually like doing anything during the day but sitting, I like to think I am always on vacation and here are some pictures of Naomi Campbell getting a tan on a yacht which is a good thing because I saw some pics of her a couple weeks ago and I was getting nervou because girl looked like a ghost and was like get this pasty white bitch out of here get her some fuckin’ sun and bring me back the Naomi Campbell I know. I guess it’s hard finding the time to maintain the darkest pigment skin in the world.
I fell in love with a black chick and I’d tell you the story, but you’ll just call me out for being racist, even though it’s what actually happened, but I guess since I don’t care about what you think, I’ll write it anyway.
So, I went out to KFC to get my wife a bucket of chicken, and this black chick in the shortest fucking skirt and low cut shirt walks in like she’s Naomi Campbell and should be walking the runways in Paris and not the line-up at a fried chick place. Her body was lean, her legs were long and her tits were huge and she made me mad that I never bagged a black girl because I was always too scared they’d rob me. About a minute later, her pimp or boyfriend or dude she’s fuckin’ walks in and motherfucker was definitely packin’ heat, so I just minded my own business as they went at each other and her fondled her ass and stuck his tongue down her throat and she grabbed at his dick one minute, like they were at a swingers party but were really just at a fried chicken place, something equally sexy to some people. I just looked the other way because I wasn’t going to get shot and ignored them as they fought over their order and dude turned around and slapped her across the face for stepping out of line because he only had enough money for 1 drink and she called him a broke ass nigger in front of the whole restaurant, the next minute. It was a beautiful experience, one of total dysfunction and ghettoness, one far more beautiful than Naomi Campbell in a bikini kissing some rich white dude.
I am all about washed up models wearing stupid costumes to 80s parties with other washed up models only because shit reminds me of every hipster party I’ve ever been too, where motherfuckers rape thrift shops and American Apparel only to act like everyday is Halloween. The difference is that Naomi Campbell is rich and doesn’t have to hide her cocaine from her other hipster friends for fear that they are going to want a bump that will bite into her stash that she won’t be able to replenish until her dad wires her the weekly stipend he has set up for her to go to University, because she’s a rich kid.
I am also all about the fact that bitch is insane and insane girls get me excited, except for this insane girl I once banged who was emotionally unstable. I used a condom even though I am anti condom because I didn’t know what gutter she crawled out of, but she smelled like it wasn’t a very clean one and half way into it, she was begging me to take off the condom and cum inside her because she wanted to feel what it’s like to have my baby….
That scared me enough to finish up fast and run to the bathroom to flush the condom because I didn’t want her to turn it inside out and try to knock herself up. In retrospect, I should have let her have my baby, she would have made a decent mother and has been the only woman to ever ask me to get her pregnant on the first date.
Bonus - Some Slag Named Jenny Frost I’ve Never Heard of at the Same Party
Another Bonus - Kate Moss and her Boyfriend at the Party
