I always wondered what that shit stain on Pam Anderson’s arm was. It looked like a hand print from rough sex with a rockstar and just figured it never heeled because bitch has hepatitis and her immune system is too busy trying to keep her liver alive to heal battle wounds from being a slut, but it turns out that she was attacked by leeches when she was a kid.

I still think that line is a fuckin’ lie and the only reason she brought it up and made an excuse about it is because she is defensive and knows we all know she got it from sex but for some reason doesn’t want us knowing that she’s some kind of pornstar than doesn’t do porn professionally, because she’s a mother and needs to maintain some kind of wholesome image, proven by the tame outfit she’s wearing, her retarded fake tits, bleached hair and her gaping vagina.

I can relate to her trying to cover shit up. I remember when child services, the police and my wife’s doctor confronted me about the bruises all over her body and I stuck to my story she fell down the stairs. I know it wasn’t all that creative and that every wifebeater uses that line, but figured that they’d buy it because any real wifebeater would come up with something more believable. I made sure my wife backed up my story otherwise I’d never let her live it down and it worked so we lived happily ever after, except for the happy part.

Watch the video and try not to focus on her plastic face falling off because that’s what her tits are for.

These are some pictures of Tara Reid from this past weekend, I think it’s safe to say that she’s drunk and lookin’ her age as her face slowly falls off her face as fast as the cocaine got sucked up her nose off the club’s toilet seat for the last 10 years.

I know when I am drunk I don’t really look my best, actually in my mind I do but when the pictures surface and I’ve sobered up a bit, I realize that I actually look like a greasy rapist on some kind of rapist mission to creep out every single girl I cross paths with.

Either way, she reminds me of some kind of office Christmas party gone wrong , which is fine when it is your office Christmas party and it only goes down once a year and she’s the receptionist you’ve wanted to shove your dick inside the last 9 months she’s been working there, but it isn’t a very good look to be hustling every fuckin’ weekend when you’re old enough to be a soccer mom. At one time she was the all american poster girl for College Spring Break parties and now she’s working on being the poster girl for why you gotta stop partying so hard after college because it will rape you harder than the frat boy did that night he took you on a date and slipped roofies in your drink…you can’t hate him though…at least he took you out for pizza and a movie first.

There’s nothing wrong with people like Demi Moore who can’t deal with getting older, they just keep on holding onto their drowning youth as long as they fuckin’ can. It happens all the time in all walks for life with both men and women, so I guess it’s not that big of a deal that she’s hoping that no one notices that she isn’t that desirable young slut who Bruce Willis was making really fuckin’ ugly babies inside anymore, so she goes after the 25 year old boy toys, she gets 500,000 dollars of plastic surgery and now she brings out copies of her Vanity Fair cover from 1990 when she was naked, pregnant and more relevant in the world. A time before we knew her uterus was a fuckin’ wreck and made mutant babies, at least that’s the Rumer….

Seeing her sign her old Vanity Fair cover reminds me of the football quarterback in high school who is fat, divorced and living in a 1 bedroom apartment, lifting boxes in the warehouse now, but still brings his high school yearbook out to the bar to brag to the kids about his glory days when all the bitches wanted his dick….but now all he’s got is internet porn and hookers to love….

Here are some pictures of Elle Macpherson from the other day showin’ a little bra because she’s still got it going on for an old lady.

She is the woman who first introduced me to Australian Bikini models during a 1988 cover of SI and I still think she’s probably a better fuck now than she was then. Not only has Elle probably had more loads in her than either of them, but she’s also in her pre-menopausal prime that makes her want to bounce on as many dicks as she can before her vagina dries up and stops working. KInda like how my wife gets when see sees the staff at the Chinese Buffet closing up….

Ivana Trump proves why divorce is amazing, because when Donald Trump married her she was a young hot communist Czech model. Look at her now. I guess that’s why Trump’s traded her in for newer, younger models and few times over. She’s old, thick and looks disgusting in a bikini and no one wants to wake up to that.

The good news is that she’s rich too and people are whores so she can rent someone to play her young boyfriend when they are out in public and I guess when they are behind closed doors and her floppy old lady menopausal vagina needs loving. If you look close enough at these pictures you can see dollar signs in this motherfucker’s eyes and bills pouring out of her speedo….but she’s rich and it’s a small price to pay to give an old lady some confidence and the feeling of still being wanted after looking in the mirror. It’s like buying a new hat or new car to impress her boring married friends.

I tried impressing someone once. I wanted to rent a car to impress a girl I met on the street and who agreed to go on a date with me. So I called all the rental car companies and they were all too pricey for me. A neighbor of mine saw me distraught about the whole thing because I really wanted to fuck this chick and I knew having a car was needed to make that happen because she was one of those high class girls and he offered me his car. I accepted.

I picked up the girl and within fifteen minutes we got pulled over for a burnt out tail light and the cops decided to do a quick search of the trunk because they realized it wasn’t my car and though that I was a criminal. My date was pretty surprised when they found a half naked chick bound and gagged in the trunk, but not as surprised as me. I tried explaining to the cops that it wasn’t my car and all that shit, but we both got arrested.

After a few hours of questioning they called in my neighbor and the girl in the trunk and it turned out that the girl was his girlfriend and that they were into some fucking kinky dominatrix sex games and this was just one of them.

Point of my story is that my date wasn’t impressed no matter how hard I tried and I think Ivana Trump’s time has come and gone and she should probably take up knitting and baking. Leave the bikini pics for her plastic surgery lovin’ daughter, because she’s got some tits on her that I wouldn’t mind feeding off of for a night.

In being hungover, uninspired, bored and lazy. I decided to let some girl who added me to facebook write this post without having seen the pictures because this shit’s like American Idol, the blog version, only difference is, writing on the site doesn’t make you an idol to anyone except maybe to people in third world countries, but that’s just because they’re jealous that you have a computer and free time to spend writing garbage for a website, while they’re out working the field and eating bugs to survive.

This is what she wrote:

Cindy Crawford is an ugly old bitch who sucks and I ahte her. I wish she would take that mole off her face and shove it down her throat so that she’d choke and then die. But I’d still fuck her.

So I got really fucking wasted and it was fuckin’ messy. I don’t remember much more than a whole lot of shit talking and meeting a group of people from Australia who were amazing. One of them was this little hot Hilary Duff girl who I was trying to seduce with my drunken conversation but ended up fucking it up because I am easily distracted and got some girl who claimed she was 15 to stick her tongue in my mouth. She was jacked on blow and her tongue tasted like shit, but I did it because I had no choice. It was my duty.

On the walk home, I decided to stand outside a chachi bar and talk to my people, because me and chachi motherfuckers are cut from the same cloth. After being blown off by every single one of them, I decided to tell the world how Montreal is filled with losers. Lucky for me, I was next to Mr Strong Mafia Guy, who must have been the ambassador for the city, because when I walked by him and told him he was a Montreal piece of shit loser, he told me to fuck off, so I said that I’d fucking kill him and he went fuckin’ crazy. I guess Junior Mafia Guido and his 240 lbs of muscle doesn’t like when short fat motherfuckers tell him they are going to kill him, because he fuckin threw down his blazer and unbuttoned his shirt while his slut of a girlfriend tried holding him back saying shit like “if you do this I am leaving” and other really dramatic things that her stupid brian managed to put together. I am glad I made their night more exciting. I like to think of myself as some kind of Santa Claus who brings joy to people’s lives every time I leave my house. This is all batting practice for stepTV 2008 baby.

Princess Stephanie is kinda like Santa Claus too, only instead of gifts she brings an old body in a bikini and on days like today, that’s just as good. Cuddles.

Here are some pictures of Elvira because it’s Halloweeen and being Elvira means that you can only work for this one week a year which works out nicely for her because she’s gotta be in her 60s and this shit is some semi-retired living in Florida career. All she has to do is squeeze herself into some kind of tight motherfucking outfit, show off her big tits and show up,

Speaking of squeezing into tight clothes, I was walking down the street today, and as you all know, leggings are all the fucking rage for young girls thanks to American Apparel. Well it turns out that fat girls with fat asses think that since shit’s in style, they have a right to offend all of us with their tight pants and big asses all hanging out all over the motherfucking place. I don’t know where I am going with this, because I am too nice to call a girl out for being fat and offensive, but I Elivra reminded me of what I saw and felt the need to drop it like it’s hot, when really it’s not hot at all, it’s the shit that’s turning all these young dude’s gay.

Either way, I know a lot of girls who would love to get paid for that kind of thing, but instead are doing it for free, or for STDs and babies, so in a lot of ways Elvira is living the dream and it’s really too bad that she’s not asked to attend more Christmas, New Years, Easter, Labor Day and Independence Day events.

Carmen Electra still has fake tits and I may hate fake tits, but she looks good enough for me, probably better than any girl you’d bump into on the street and awkwardly follow for 16 blocks in hopes that they strike up conversation with you so that you can take her home and cum in her face.

I was talking to a dude earlier this week who was having problems with the girl he was slamming. She was scared of sucking dick, but never told him that she wasn’t into it, she would just do everything in her power to avoid sucking it. I’ve never known any girl who hasn’t sucked dick, because there’s no way she’d get past the initial interview for the job if I did, but I have heard that it’s pretty fucking common and that sucks but not literally. The closest I’ve had to a girl who hates sucking dick is a girl who goes down on you for a minute then lets you fuck her and feels like she’s done her part because there was penis contact with her mouth. I guess busting nut is the goal of hanging out and the fact that she’s giving up her vagina is a good enough reason to keep her around, but the best way around it if you’re stuck with a girl who doesn’t want dick in her mouth is to force her to do it, and while you are forcing her explain that you’re just helping her be a better person, I am sure she’ll understand while she’s trying to push you off to get the fuck out of there to call the cops.

Either way, I am sure Carmen Electra sucks dick.

Here are Nicolette Sheridan and her fiance Michael Bolton walking out of some LA restaurant called the Ivy with a doggie bag. I always thought that doggie bags were for poor people who wanted to get their money’s worth at a restaurant, you know, if there was one slice of pizza left, they’d take that shit home because they paid for it and wouldn’t let it go to waste. But rich people are supposed to be assholes, who buy everything on the menu, take one bite out of the meal, spit it out and send it back, only to walk out pissed off at the world and to never go back and to make sure their other rich friends never go back. So despite having never having heard of her before Desperate Housewives, I have unfortunately heard Michael Bolton, and even though it gets every 45 year old woman and her mother wet, even after menopause, that shit rapes my fucking ears. But there are a lot of women in the world and it is safe to say he’s sold a lot of albums and that he could afford to send that meal back even if his fiance only took one bite because she’s trying to watch her figure, and thank god she is because she looks fucking solid for a 45 year old woman who still gets wet for Michael Bolton, even after menopause.

I give young girls way too much attention on the site and in life without remembering that older sluts were once young and deserve some love too. The reality is that they are easier to deal with. They have more sexual experience and for the most part want as little to do with you as you want to do with them and understand the concept of fucking for the sake of fucking and not for the sake of locking yourself down into some kind of bullshit relationship. They are the kind of people who don’t tell people that they are “seeing you” just because they are fucking you and it makes them feel like less of a whore when they put a title to it. The only time old ladies are a problem is when they are winding down and ready to have babies and that is why you need to do everything in your power to make them know you aren’t husband material. Don’t let them know you have a job or money because that shit means stability and takes away from the fact that you just want to cum all over their big old lady vaginas.

I don’t know who this Francesca Dellera lady is, but she is old and as an old lady she knows that all she has going for her is some big tits that she’s not shy to show off, probably because she’s had so much dick in her, it’s like the world’s already seen these fuckers.

Sure Helena Christensen’s a washed up hag now, but bitch still has fucking amazing legs and amazing legs always get my attention and as long as I stare at them, I can pretend that she doesn’t have the face of last month’s leftovers that are still in my fridge because my wife doesn’t like vegetables.

The beautiful thing about watching a girl age is that you know she is still a whore. Sure when she was a little girl she was sweet and cute and fun to be around because she always did such crafty things and when she turned 12 she was cool to be around because she was innocent and played with her dolls and had crushes on boys she saw on TV, but then she hit puberty and realized she had a vagina and could use her vagina to get anything she wanted because dude’s are fucking easy to manipulate, all you gotta do is show your tits. After realizing that she had this vagina that guys wanted a piece of she discovered that she liked money, and from that day on she was whore. Using her pussy to satisfy her self-interest. Now girls don’t like being told that they are all whores, but I’ve never met a girl who left a dude with money for someone with less statue because it’s all about upgrading for personal gain. That’s why ugly rich dudes always have hot pieces of ass by their side. Their lives are their business and when trying to get the fuck ahead the easiest way to do it is to fuck their way there.

So here is Helena Christensen, a champion whore who made her own money using her vagina, but bitch still has legs I’d like to crawl up just to see where they end and I am hoping her Vagina didn’t age as badly as her grill, because nothing ruins a great set of legs like a vagina that dangles like the shit stuck to my wife’s ass hair, because let’s face it, it’s a hard to reach area.