I don’t know what happened to Amanda Bynes by she looks like a guy I know who had a serious nut allergy and who we decided to rub nuts all over his hands and face when he passed out drunk to see if he was drunk, unfortunately one of our friends got the whole plan wrong and we ended up walking in on him lookin’ like he was taking part in the world’s worst porno, but when we got it all sorted out and he got his dick back in his pants, we got to work and it turns out after being hospitalized for our antics, that he did in fact have an allergy to nuts. I mean his face swelled the fuck up and dude stopped breathing…..but yeah, that’s what Amanda Bynes’ swollen face looks like, but her pink panties are a good enough distraction from the bloated face….so I am posting it…
This is the lamest fucking panty flash, even lamer than watching some girl dance on a table last night and trying to get down under her to see her bare ass shaking, only to get caught by the group of very large chachi guys she was with who didn’t find it funny and that’s why I am posting it.
Here are some older pictures of Christina Milian flashing the world her pantyless pussy, unfortunately, the camera guy was a fucking asshole and he missed the fuckin’ meat. This is like making a pie without putting the filling in it, or like driving without a car, or like trying to finger a girl despite having no arms. I don’t really know what I am saying, but I am definitely writing nonsense and you don’t deserve that, but I don’t feel like I deserve these cockteasing pictures. Sure, Milian is pretty irrelevant now, but pussy is fuckin’ pussy and if I took the attitude towards all washed up girls, where I seemingly moved on from them with their popularity dwindling and their careers and beauty fading, I would still be a fuckin’ virgin, because if you saw my roster, or the slopholes that made the notches on this very large belt, you’d know that I don’t think I am too good for shit…seriously….if shit was shaped like a pussy in one of those Miracle From God ways like the time the Grilled Cheese had the Virgin Mary’s Likeness toasted on it, I’d totally fuck it.
I went to a lingerie store over the weekend because I had nothing to do and like talking to girls about underwear and what underwear they are wearing because it entertains me. I figure that going to a professional is less creepy and I am more likely to get an honest answer when coming from someone trying to sell me the shit, rather than just going up to randoms and asking to describe what they are waiting, so I guess in my old age, I’ve learned a few tricks to get what I want out of women, instead of getting slapped in the face or their boyfriend sent to hurt me.
So I get in the store and start walking around and some hot bodied girl in a push up bra comes up to serve me, I tell her that I am shopping for my wife to make her realize I am a normal family man and not some kind of creep who likes touching women’s underwear while it is still on the shelf, before ass smells and laundry machines taint the shit. So we go through all these sheer things, I lie and tell her that my wife is about her size and next thing I know, she’s pullin’ down her pants showing me what she’s got on, goes through what suits her body and I was close to getting her to even try the shit on and model it for me because I could tell she was the kind of girl who wished she was a lingerie model and just didn’t have what it takes and is forced to just model the shit for her unappreciative boyfriends and one night stands, but I accidentally sabotaged myself and freudian slipped that I want to fuck those panties right off her instead of just thinking it and she caught on to my game.
It was the best hour of my week and here are some pictures of some drunk British slut model who shouldn’t be a model, showing off her sheer-assed underwear, like drunk sluts should and they are similar to what the girl in the store told me I should be buying before catching onto the fact that I am just a pervert…..
I don’t know if this upskirt is old or new, because Britney’s not one for trying to keep her legs crossed, proven with the fact that she’s got two kids and all the pictures that have hit over the last couple years, but she’s wearing underwear, which makes me think they are newer, since her dad does an underwear check before she leaves the house everyday, not because he’s trying to clean up her image, but because he likes seeing the pussy he made, like he’s God or some shit, which is okay since he’s from the South and her pussy is like his pick-up truck, he can ride it anytime he wants.
What he didn’t tell Britney is that she’s got the hairiest backs of her thigh out there, and that’s not really something that makes me think clean, hygenic or shaved. I was walking in the gay part of town lookin’ for some tranny whores last night and one of the latina ones was wearing a mini skirt half way down his ass and no panties, dude was showing about 3/4 of his ass like he was a frat boy mooning the campus as part of his hazing, and his shit was groomed better than Britney’s and dude gives blowjobs in alley’s for 20 bucks, making me think she’s really go no excuse for this disgusting laziness.
I was walking in a tourist part of town yesterday in hopes of finding some teenage runaways who didn’t know anyone and were looking for someone to show them around and would pay me for my services by having lesbian sex with each other while I fingered by ass. I figured it was a bit of a fantasy, but I couldn’t get the idea out of my head and figured you never know unless you try. I was thinking that in a worst case, some people would mistake me for a local homeless busker and would throw some money my way that I could use to buy myself something special, like a beer. It didn’t work, but I did get to see a group of hot big breasted girls on a four person bike riding around, and all of them were wearing skirts and none of them realized that as they pedaled I could see their vaginas. Sure 3 of the 4 had underwear on, but one bare vagina in 4 isn’t bad and even seeing teenage panties being unsuspectingly flashed to the world but more importantly to me, makes a hungover sunday a better one.
These are some pictures of drug addict, reality star, rich kid from the UK named Peaches Geldof showing her panties when she is getting out of a car, they are are from a couple of days ago, but I needed them to tell my magical story that is going to be the main focus of a Children’s book I am working on.
Lesbians are so popular today that I figured I’d post these probably old pictures of TATU, the leaders of the lesbian movement who aren’t even lesbians and actually have husbands and babies but like all college girls, realized dyking out gets publicity and publicity sells records and selling records means no more Russian rationed bread.
If only homosexuality worked out as well for you, but I guess since you just hate chicks and have repressed homosexual fantasies and jerk off to the dick in porn and not the chick but are too scared to come to terms with and live out, that doesn’t really make you gay…right?
I think I linked this shit last week, but I am pretty disorganized and didn’t even realize that I forgot to sleep last night because I got drunk in celebration of not being invited to Diddy’s party that went down Saturday Night and the end of the Grand Prix Weekend that this city gets hard for because immigrants who get hard for cars that drive fast and buying bottles in clubs seem to spend a lot of money here, that even the homeless dudes who normally beg me for change, and who I normally tell to fuck off, roll by me with bottles of booze that I can’t afford giving me the finger because I normally harass them.
Someone else who has more money than me, but isn’t homeless, even though she should be, is this slut Victoria Silvstedt who tried suing me for posting pictures of her getting eaten out by some midget Greek Married Billionaire, because I guess she’s got high standards for herself and doesn’t like to be seen in the low-light, or whatever the fuck kinda light that you’re in when some married rich midget eats your slut pussy out in public. Here she is keeping it classy with some see through panties.
Lindsay Lohan was offered 1,000,000 dollars from OK magazine to announce she’s a lesbian. Call me a sell out, but I’d get a sex change and suck a dick a day for the rest of my life for 1,000,000 dollars. I figure I hate fucking my wife anyway and my penis is pretty much already a vagina and I can afford to buy expensive moist toilettes to wipe my face down when the dick is done having it’s way with me. I guess I am just cheaper than Lohan and realize that 1,000,000 dollars probably isn’t much to her, but I also don’t give a fuck about what having a sex change or sucking dick for the rest of my life does to my career, I think it’s pretty clear I have no self-respect and don’t care what you think about me.
Either way, here’s Lohan’s potentially lesbian vagina covered in a hot pair of clean black underwear exposed as she fights with the wind, who turned out to be the biggest pervert at event because I wasn’t invited because no one takes me seriously, but if I was invited, I would have definitely put on a wig and a short skirt and finger-banged her because I hear she’s into that and don’t need to give her 1,000,000 dollars to find out.
On a side note, I will pay Ellen Page 2 dollars to admit she’s a lesbian, even though I already know the answer to that.
So useless Audrina is showing off her panties because she’s a whore who only values herself as something with tits and a pussy and is trying so hard to be the next big thing guys want to fuck and that’s ok by me because looking at Audrina and pretty much every girl I come across, all I see is something with tits and a pussy and for the most part they aren’t half as appealing as this nothing.
Truth is that she’s made her own way from her upper-middle class home all the way to MTV where she makes her own money and has become a useless celebrity when all she ever really dreamed about or wanted was to be in Playboy and have the Bunny Stamp of approval on her fake tits and now her dream is that much closer to coming true.
For a crackwhore Amy Winehouse keeps her panties in better condition that any white underwear I’ve ever owned. So while people are shitting on her for being ghetto, disgusting and insane, her pussy isn’t shitting on her pearly white underwear. They are as beautiful as the glistening white of a fresh winter snowfall as I sit by the fire a write my memoirs….the only scary thing about these pictures is whatever the fuck she’s got caged up inside these cleaner than any white underwear I’ve seen, despite how wrecked she is motherfuckers. I just can’t get over how good these panties look, I would have been expecting black fingerprints from when she scratched her unwashed and itchy yeast infection, but instead she’s breaking down stereotypes and it’s fascinating to me.
I was hanging out at the coffee shop because I had no money to go out and do anything worth doing and felt like watching teenage girls drink their 1000 calorie blended coffee drinks knowing that if they keep up that habit they will be 200 pounds by the time they are 20 so that they better fuckin’ enjoy their Chocolate Chip overpriced Frap now, while their rich skinny teenage asses can afford it because it’s all down hill for them
There was a group of insecure 15 year olds, the kind of girls who don’t get much male attention because they are slow developers and not really down with cock but are instead down with studying and watching Will Farrel movies. One was complaining about how her shirt is lowcut and how she never wears shirts that are that revealing, another one was complaining about how her hair always looks stupid. Then the one in a short skimpy dress, who I labeled the Lohan of the group came in with words of encouragement when she said that “boys love tits”. It’s that kind of inspirational words of wisdom that come out of a teenage girl that make me feel like Lohan’s done her job right.
I like pussy, even if shit is wrapped up in a pair of underwear, because I know shit’s still there. I know everyone has seen Sharon Stone’s pussy, but that was when it was younger and it’s always nice to see what life’s changes have done to a vagina, it’s like watching your baby go to it’s first day of kindergarten and not only because it smells the same as when your kid shit’s his pants out of fear, but also because of the the natural growth of the human species and it’s times like this that makes us appreciate just how magical life is. Unfortunately for Sharon Stone though, the magic is more of a retired grandfather struggling to pull some tricks he learnt in the war and less like the magic I thought I experienced when I thought I lost my virginity but was really just jerking off to porn in the 80s, I blame the acid.
These videos are always hit or miss, sometimes they work and sometimes they crash my website, but I figured this one was worth posting because it’s from the Kardashian show and its Kim getting her Laser Treatment that she’s coincidentally a spokesperson for. It’s like this whore will do anything for an easy dollar, she’d probably even fuck a black dude on video if the opportunity came around and if it meant gettin’ paid. She’s got some kind of lifestyle that she’s trying to keep up, like this dude I saw on Cold Case Files who took out life insurance on 2 sets of wives after staging “accidental” deaths to cash out that shit. Makin’ easy money was his priority and didn’t mind how the fuck he did it. It was pretty sick but not quite as sick as Kardashian talking about how the cellulite machine feels like someone is suckin’ her thigh and makin’ faces like she’s cumming while her sisters watch compelled and uncomfortable because even family knows that no one wants to see her fat ass getting fondled by a machine. I guess the highlight of the
Here is a child star named Brie Larson, who could have been Miley Cyrus or Megan Fox but is instead starring in internet viral videos in her panties. It’s one of those one step closer to porn moments on her slow fall into the gutter while trying to cling on to the little amount of fame she got before her 18th birthday and now at 18 is ready to take shit up a notch to get noticed amongst the clutter of other 18 year old hot chicks trying to be famous so that she doesn’t have to go that last step and put a penis in her mouth on camera to get that feeling of fame she’s addicted to and has only had a taste of.
The truth is that I don’t realize how big the internet actually is. I just write this shitty shit I’ve been doing for years while the internet is becoming like cable TV all around me as mainstream media is trying to figure out how to tap into this place, but no matter how mainstream the internet gets, it will always be the place for loser virgins to congregate with like-minded loser virgins. So maybe I underestimate doing online viral’s because I think the internet isn’t a place of opportunity but a place for sexually confused outcast predators but that’s just because I am convinced the internet is just a phase that is not going to stay and because I’m keeping shit real 1996 style and haven’t had the success of bands got signed cuz of myspace, or a handful of writers who made movies about teenage pregnancy because of blogs, or how a handful of sluts got more famous than they actually should be like Tila Tequila, Perez Hilton and Paris Hilton, but I have asked a lot of girls for nude pictures.
Either way, here’s a viral and I normally hate staged viral shit about a girl who gets hired to babysit some mid-20 year old and it’s got a decent joke I can appreciate at the end so check it out.
