I haven’t been on the computer all weekend, because it is summber and I prefer spending my time lookin at real girls in bikinis, or at least in short skirts and skimpy clothes, so I didn’t bother posting these Lohan in her bikini bottoms doin’ the Michael Jackson in Vegas celebrating her birthday, but that’s mainly because of severe sadness that I wasn’t invited to her party, like this was elementary school, and I was the weird fat kid no one likes, which I guess is a common theme in my life.
I am so fuckin’ tired of this MJ shit, like dude hasn’t had so much air play, since he fingered a 10 year old in his Hot Air Baloon, but this lesbian pussy grab picture is alright, because like all lesbians, I appreciate a good pussy grab, finger, lick, or pretty much anything vagina related, but unlike all lesbians I am not so down with construction boots, talking about women’s rights in a man’s world, huggin’ trees while eating organic trail mix, before shaving their heads, and rollin’ their flannel shirts up to rip off every penis that comes their way, because they are still bitter they got raped/molested or ignored when they were lesbian….
Here are the picssss….or the pic….but that’s not as exiting without all the “s’s”
Here’s Jean Claude Van Damme acting like an attention whore, prancing around in his panties like the little slut that he is, hoping to get in the tabloids because it is good for his self esteem. He was a hug action star man, he made big fucking money, all the girls wanted to get in his pants and all the guys wanted the be in his pants and all the gay guys wanted to be his pants, and now he’s just a nobody.
If you’re wondering why I am posting homo shit, you know men in their brief, it’s partially because I find french men about as masculine as the average woman, not quite as masculine as the two dykes having a beer chugging contest on the street yesterday, so posting him in his panties is probably something worth celebrating, because it means he’s not bottomless, but it is also because anyone who says they never got hard watching one of his movies and because I am taking the Lady Gaga approach to success and that’s targeting the gays.
No, I didn’t get “too drunk” last night, that broadened my eyes on homosexuality, in some kind of college hook up where I wake up in the arms of a muscular man in leather with a dick in my ass, I am just testin’ my options, cuz I’ve never seen a poor gay guy, they are all career oriented, all fabulous livin’, who love to drink and do coke, with luxury lofts and no kids to rape their bank accounts, making them appealing to advertisers.
I figure my gay strategy is gonna end after this post. I hope you enjoyed it.
Victoria Silvstedt was never really relevant, she was just a Playboy model years ago, when Playboy was into this look. I guess they still are, but Silvstedt attempt to hang onto it, isn’t workin out too well for her, the older she gets and the more surgery she gets to put things back in place and I am talking about her penis, the weirder she fuckin’ looks, like a half eaten Jello tray at the ghetto buffet after it was raped by my wife
Here she is trying to get attention by flashing some panty with her watch, possibly hoping the watch company appreciates the plug and send her a couple free watches that she can pawn off to pay her rent like the common whore that she is.
Silvstedt remains my enemy for trying to sue me, but I think aging is her enemy and we all know who’s gonna win this one. Cunt.
I don’t know what this stage show is all about, but I do know I like it. Sure bitch has a big ol’ nose that kinda fucks with my head and I am sure fucks with any dude she’s giving head to, you know trying to get your dick deep throated with that shit poking into your pelvis is fuckin’ annoying and not fully attractive, but she manages to pull it off and that’s all that matters. Maybe I’m just being nice becuase she’s got no pants on.
That said, I met some radom cute girl and I got to talking to her. She told me she just got back from some Russia circus she was touring with, now I know you don’t know me, but if you want to get me excited, all you have to fuckin’ say to me is circus. Anyway, I got excited and got to asking her about what she did in the circus, you know since it’s a magical fuckin place and she could be anything from the person who picks up the elephant shit to the fuckin’ contortionist who can eat herself out.
It turns out she’s a fuckin’ acrobat, so instead of seducing her, I decided to ask her if she ever considered doing porn because I feel her skills would come in handy, and that pretty much concluded that future love affair.
Her name is Phoebe Price. I have never met her. But I can tell you that she’s got orange pubic hair, and although orange pubic hair repulses me for the most part, because people with orange pubic hair, usually have pasty skin and dark red genitals, not to mention they are devil children who are barely human and have this weird superhuman strength that I think is a product of evolution, you know from getting constantly made fun of, but the other day, I finally came across a good lookin’ redhead. She was tall, thin, french and had a really amazing set of tits, I don’t know who she is, but I should craigslist misconnect her, since that’s the man’s way of getting pussy passive aggressively.
Either way, Phoebe Price covered her cunt and squatted on the street corner because she saw paparazzi and wanted this post to make it to TMZ. It’s really her life objective…
Lil’ Kim whored it up on Regis and Kelly because she was some Dancing with the Stars reject, despite being an ex-con, ex-hooker, slut who raps about dicks drippin’ down her chin. That’s not very wholesome of Disney to acknowledge her existence, you know, kids watch that show and having them see her up on the screen, doin’ her thing, getting cheered on, makin’ money, may lead them to slutting out fuckin’ rappers for record deals, not that I have any problem with social climbing whores, most of the girls who broke my heart over the years were social climbing whores and I was their low point, but I’m not a hypocrite corporation pretending to be a good Christian example to the world. Get your message together and give us a little consistency you cocksuckers.
I get called a hater all the time because I tease useless bitches. I can’t really help but be judgemental and tease, it just kind of comes to me, and probably a huge percentage of the world. I think the real thing to fear are the idiots who drink the fucking Kool Aid, you know the people who stroke the egos and sign this trash up for high paying jobs and shit like that, you know perpetuating the lies, the bullshit, the disgusting behavior and all that shit. I don’t claim to be an authority, I just think what I say is logical, almost as logical as seeing Paris Hilton flash some panties, it’s come to the point where she doesn’t need to even try to hold her skirt down, fuck, she could just walk around naked, we’ve all seen it all already, we’ve been with her at her most intimate moments, she’s played the fuckin’ system by exploiting herself for fame and shit fucking worked, instead of just taking her trust fund and chillin’ she needed the fame stamp of approval, and I am wasting my time writing about this and I can’t figure out why, I think it’s gotta do with hating myself and that is the real joke in all this.
I’ve spent many afternoons when I had nothing better to do, or even when I did have better things to do, sitting in or outside of an underwear store, you know window shopping, and by window shopping I mean following girls I wanted to fuck around to see what their little slut hands grabbed onto, because there is nothing hotter than watching them play out whether the sheer thong is going to make their ass look good and trying to figure out what they are planning on wearing it for, because even the most conservative girl has a naughty pair of panties, and I like to be the guy creepin on them when they buy it. The only mistake I’ve made with this hobby is overstaying my welcome and being banned from the store for offering my expert opinion or my help for trying anything on…
So seeing Jaime Pressly buying panties hits close to home and I like it.
Jennifer Garner has holes in her underwear, not because she’s poor, but because she’s a fucking slob. Rumor has it that her new baby was trying to bite his way back inside her womb, but I have a lot of trouble believing that, it probably has more to do with Afleck’s irish drinkin’ fists and prison rape fantasies, and really who cares.
Ed Hardy threw some party around the Oscars that top notch celebrities attended. They posed with some ATV, tried on some obnoxious clothing and the whole thing looked like a horrible fucking time. Shauna Sand was pretty courteous and rocked a pair of panties when mounting that seat and rubbing her box up against it, knowing other girls would be grinding their cunts on it too, which is a nice change from all the STDs she’s transmitted in the past. I guess it’s never too late to learn.
Also in attendance were The Internet’s Most Downloaded Woman according to her…because I highly doubt that claim to fame is true….Cindy Margolis
And Annalynne McCord brought out her Monkey Lookin’ Face and Her Siblings Out…
I am a hypocrite. I am inconsistent. I am full of shit. I’ve been making fun of Lily Allen the last 2 years for no reason other than it being easy because she’s foreign.
I’ve acted passionate about having this hatred for her that I never really had, truthfully, like all things in my life, I was pretty indifferent, but if you read my shit about her abortion/miscarriage and the other evil jokes I made about her, you’d think I had a picture of her on my living room floor that I’d shit on daily until the smell got too bad that I’d be forced to hunt her down, kidnap her, and make her clean it up with her mouth.
But I was never phased by her, so today when I saw these pictures of her showing off her stomach as if to say to the radio host that that is where the baby lived before it fell out of her (got sucked out of her) and these are where she’s been letting her pet ferret suckle because she has the urge to feed something and since the baby is no more, shit’s gone sour, like the Milk in my broken fridge that I drank anyway, so I can relate.
Maybe our connection is obesity and a love for food and drink, maybe there is no connection, maybe I do hate her but just got tricked by a clever interview I saw with her, maybe I like making fun of her, because I really just want to be her friend, at least for today today, but I do know that unlike everyone else, she writes her own music, is successful with her own music, and you can’t hate someone who’s successful for doin’ their own thing, their own way and who clearly doesn’t take herself too seriously and can laugh and enjoy the ride, which is al lot more than you can say for these American celebrity cunts out there. I’m talking to you LOHAN and friends, not that Lohan has friends, but you know what I mean.
Guys find Olivia Munn hot. I find her annoying. Sure, I’d fuck her, but I’d fuck anything. Sure, she’s good looking enough to get her on TV, even if it is on a network only virgins and nerds watch. Sure, she’s the kind of girl who would be alright to hang out with, you know joking around, pulling pranks, not worried about making a fool of herself, kinda like a stand up comedian and kinda like a dude, but I’ve always liked my girls to be ladylike, if they weren’t the kind of girl passed out in the gutter looking for their next fix. You know, someone who is maternal and ladylike and worries about whether or not their dress fits proper or if they are getting fat. Who watches girl TV shows and who likes kittens and other girlie shit and who is someone I can’t imagine even takes a shit. I find nothing attractive about a girl who talks about shitting, who farts when watching sports, or who makes a mockery of being a chick. God gave you a vagina, so you don’t have to go break boundaries by changing tires, or doing action sports, just fucking learn how to cook like a good fucking girl.
That said, seeing her with her panties in her face remind me of one of her stupid novelty acts, so unless she’s pulling these fucking things off her clammy fucking cunt, or inserting them inside her, like those weird porns, she should save the panty sniffing to the perverts like me creeping at the laundromats.
I don’t consider Mischa Barton a celebrity, she’s more of a rich girl who happened to be on a TV show who is trying to be the New York fashionista socialite. You know the kind of girl who buys expensive clothes, smokes cigarettes in lofts and boutique hotels, dates dudes in bands and travels the world going to every fashion show she can all while hanging out with obscure models and I guess there’s really nothing bad about that life at all.
I mean other than the fact that she can’t find work, is slowly fading and is seen as more and more irrelevant, and more and more unattractive as the years of cocaine use add up, and is desperately trying to get any attention she can, but next time around she should be a little more liberal and show us her dirty bush we all know she has because all fashionistas and models have bush, they may be into Obama politically, but not when it comes to trying to relive the glamourous art scene of the late 60s and early 70s, it’s their hipster way to let the world know they are different than all those other plastic bitches with bikini waxes, because they embrace being dirty fucking hippies with no fucking job who have pussies that smell like mud, gravel and rotting vegetables/organic matter in their very own compost heap in their underwear….or some shit.
Lady Gaga was out without pants again. I guess it’s her new fashion statement or some shit because of all the hype she got from her stunt on Leno. Maybe she’s been doing this all along and I just didn’t notice because I don’t usually keep on top of Lady Gaga clothing choices since I find her ugly, or only started to bother recently because I have no fucking standards and her ass is pretty fat making it worth making fun of, or jerking off to, depending on your taste.
I met a girl with a crazy body at the bus station the other day. We didn’t actually meet, but her ass was ridiculous in a pair of spandex pants and white gogo boots. It was pretty clear that whatever it was that she did in life, it involved stripping and that she was probably in town to make some more money than she used to in her small town where she’s from. You know, a stripper with a hustle in her step and a crazy fucking body in her spandex. The problem was that like Lady Gaga her face looked like it was mutilated by an angry exboyfriend with a shovel, and despite that not mattering all too much in my enjoyment, I knew it would make all the difference in her attempt to climb the porn industry bed post. I knew that she was going to be the bottom feeder, underpaid and doing the dirtiest fucking scenes possible and I almost felt bad for her, until reminding myself that I should never feel bad for sluts, and should get in line to take advantage of them.
Lady Gaga performed her Let’s Dance song on Leno, and being the modern artist she pretends to be, something a local stripper used to tell me she was every time I grabbed her tits for 10 dollars a song, she decided to wear a pair of pantyhose over a black/dark colored lacy thong. Well besides it reminding me of my mom getting ready to go to to a big meeting back in the 80s, I thought it was a pretty bold move. Not because it was daring and the censor’s probably should have cut it, but because she showed her world her big ol’ ass, something most girls try to hide.
Maybe she’s pulling the whole giving the audience everything angle, like that she’s opened her soul to us and invited us into her bedroom looking like my grandmother getting ready for church on a Sunday Morning in her skin toned pantyhose, maybe she’s trying to appeal to pantyhose fetishist, maybe she spilled something her her skirt that she was supposed to wear over her hose and got inspired thinking it was a sign from god, maybe it doesn’t matter why or how this happened and what matters is that she doesn’t take her own advice and just Dance, because if she danced a little more she’d probably be a whole lot better to jerk off to and whole lot less black guys would be swooning over her, because in case you didn’t know girls, black dudes swooning over you is a sure sign you gotta go on a diet because Black dudes love meaty bitches and by meaty I mean fat.
Either way, watch the video, take it in and count the days before Aguilera incorporates this into her act. Only to switch it up, she plans on showing off her pregnancy bulge from her loose cunt. True story.
