Willa Holland is some LA hipster who I heard goes to all the hipster parties and is friends with all the rich hipster kids and when she’s not in the cocaine line for the bathroom, she’s acting. She played Micha Barton’s younger, hotter and sluttier sister on The O.C. and now it seems like she’s made the giant leap to Gossip Girl, which is the New York version of The O.C. for those of you who aren’t up to speed on these things.

I don’t know why she’s wearing mismatched shoes, I don’t know why she’s wearing elaborate hoisery and I guess I really don’t give a fuck because it’s the end of the fucking week and I want to fuck her.

I am all about washed up models wearing stupid costumes to 80s parties with other washed up models only because shit reminds me of every hipster party I’ve ever been too, where motherfuckers rape thrift shops and American Apparel only to act like everyday is Halloween. The difference is that Naomi Campbell is rich and doesn’t have to hide her cocaine from her other hipster friends for fear that they are going to want a bump that will bite into her stash that she won’t be able to replenish until her dad wires her the weekly stipend he has set up for her to go to University, because she’s a rich kid.

I am also all about the fact that bitch is insane and insane girls get me excited, except for this insane girl I once banged who was emotionally unstable. I used a condom even though I am anti condom because I didn’t know what gutter she crawled out of, but she smelled like it wasn’t a very clean one and half way into it, she was begging me to take off the condom and cum inside her because she wanted to feel what it’s like to have my baby….

That scared me enough to finish up fast and run to the bathroom to flush the condom because I didn’t want her to turn it inside out and try to knock herself up. In retrospect, I should have let her have my baby, she would have made a decent mother and has been the only woman to ever ask me to get her pregnant on the first date.

Bonus - Some Slag Named Jenny Frost I’ve Never Heard of at the Same Party

Another Bonus - Kate Moss and her Boyfriend at the Party

I don’t see enough of Mariah Carey, I don’t mean that literally, because bitch is big enough to fill the frame as successfully as her late 90s career, I meant in general, where the fuck did she go and what the fuck’s she been up to since her psychological meltdown. Reality is that I don’t really care, I was never a fan of anything more than her big tits.

I was at a party on Saturday and there was a girl there who I know. She pulled out her camera to show me a picture of her crotch. She was wearing pantyhose and underwear over the pantyhose. I was confuse, because I was always under the impression that pantyhose doubled as underwear and that’s why they have that weird vagina protector and if you’re going to wear underwear with pantyhose, wouldn’t it only make sense to wear them under the pantyhose? I was pretty drunk so instead of asking her, I just pinned her against the wall, lifted up her skirt and dry humped her with my limp dick. She wasn’t really vibing on my “I get drunk and molest you” ways, but she shoulda been expecting it coming from me. Her boyfriend on the otherhand gave me a high five, or what I thought was a high five before it slammed me in the face and gave me a nose bleed. I guess the lesson of the day is that when getting drunk and molesting a chick with underwear over her pantyhose, make sure her boyfriend isn’t right next to her.

Either way, here is Mariah Carey rockin’ some tight dress, pantyhose and a pair of fuck me boots for all you losers who used to jerk off to her music videos before the internet was invented.

On Some TRL Shit….

On the Street….

Bonus: Mariah Carey’s Cleavage on the Today Show…Today…

Here are some pictures of Kimmy Stewart lookin’ better than usual at some premiere in the UK two days ago. I feel like Kimmy Stewart’s the kind of girl that guys are always two days late for because she’s not that hot and when they hear that she’s two days late they plot some kind of scheme to punch her in the stomach while she’s sleeping, the “I was having a nightmare” induced miscarriage.

The thing that always surprised me about her is that she’s probably slated to inherit a truckload of money when her dad dies. I know he’s got his own army of blonde kids running around the globe, with his own army of blonde ex wives he needs to payout and I am sure Kimmy’s not the favorite one, but she’s more set than you’ll ever be, and that’s enough reason for me to fall in love, because looks aren’t everything.

I was in a bar last night, in a group of people trying to get my drink and some asshole farted, literally. Everyone around me were looking to see where the fucking smell was coming from, and as soon as they saw me, they were gave me the look like I’m fucking disgusting, because I was the fattest and rattiest dude and although I usually smell, I actually showered yesterday and it wasn’t me, I am convinced it was this tight bodied blonde chick in a short dress but since she was hot everyone assumed it wasn’t her even though logically, her asshole was pretty much hanging out of her dress and there was less travel time for the fart to get out there…I fucking hate talking about fart and making fart jokes but it’s a story and it proves my point…I just wanted to clarify that I hate fart jokes….and was just telling a story to prove a point….

And the point of the story is that I felt like Kimberly Stewart at a family dinner, so I guess what it comes down to is that looks do matter. Sorry Kimberly but at least we’re in it together now buy me things. Cuddles.

Here are some pictures of Sienna Miller and Keira Knightley proving that acting is such a fucking hard job and that these cocksuckers deserve to get paid millions of dollars a year for it, because frolicking in the ocean like a bunch of Autistic kids do in puddles every fucking rainy day means getting fucking paid for them, when it just makes me look like a weirdo when I do it.

If you’re in a position to change your career, I think that you should consider acting. It’s like everyday is what you would do on a vacation if you could afford to go on vacation and you get paid heavy for the shit. If you’re in action movies you get paid to pretty much experience all the most exciting things life has to offer, whether it be car chases or running from explosion or whatever. If you’re in a romantic comedy, you usually get to see a celebrity slut naked, if you’re in some drama you usually get to chain smoke and chain smoking is amazing, especially when you get paid lots of money for it and on your downtime you can spend your money, party and get addicted to cocaine and not have to worry about paying rent.

I think it’s safe to say that actors don’t need talent. I think it’s also safe to say that Sienna Miller showing off her throwback pantyhose that you’re already jerking off to and that makes me feel uncomfortable.