I am not going to lie, I have no idea who Paul Heyman is. I did some quick research and found out he was involved in wrestling in the 90s, so that’s the reason why, because wrestling in the 90s is when shit got weird and every guido I knew was up on it in such an obsessed way that it was uncomfortable being around them.
I do know Shauna Sand, so when his people sent me the link to these pictures of the whore in action, rockin’ her sheer lingerie at a club, showing off her busted up nipple from botched implant operation after implant operation, because plastic surgery is what she does in her spare time, and I guess so is showing off her nipples , I had no choice but to steal them….
Unfortunately, I was sent these pictures a good 2 weeks ago, I’m just a real slow mover.
This fame hungry rich kid’s plan still seems to be working. I don’t think anyone really gets that people are talking about a girl who peaked on the first season of Simple Life, because the concept was actually funny, and because Nicole Richie carried the show by being a cunt to the everyday people, but we’re still talking about her. I guess that’s just proof that my life is really fucking lame, but let’s face it, I didn’t need Paris Hilton, or her cleavage to learn me that, I kind of already knew, you know with a combination of failing at pretty much everything I’ve tried and having bad sex with bad women since ‘85, posting on Paris is just another nail in the coffin, even though I died decades ago….You get what I am saying and here is her cleavage…
It’s always nice to see long lost lovers reunited for the sake of making money, you know the same motivation for their fake publicity stunt relationship. So as Bridget launches her Sexiest Beach TV show, one of those original concepts you’ve never seen before, but I am not hating on it, because I like beaches and bikinis and figure you can never have too much of them, Hefner and Kendra came out to support, why?? because they are all gettin’ paid.
Just because your boyfriend beats you up, doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time, and Rihanna proves that there’s no need to hide in the fucking basement living off the raw meat your asshole husband makes you eat while chained to the fuckin’ radiator because he’s scared you’ll tell someone about what he does to you when no one is looking, you can just suck it up, embrace being abused and have a fucking cocktails partially because it hurts less when you’re drunk, but also because they make you look so fucking fabulous.
I had a rough night last night, it didn’t involve drinking, just a missing person so I got all of 1 hour of sleep, the person’s been found, thanks for asking, but fuck am I tired. Sometimes I wish I was more insensitive instead of trying to save the fuckin’ planet one nipple slip/bikini pic at a time.
Amanda Bynes really loves her legs. She shows them off everywhere she goes. She shouldn’t get too dependent on these legs, you know use them as some kind of security blanket because you never know when you may accidentally step on a land mine and all your leg showing off comes to an immediate end. So time to bring out them tits and vag because based on this video, her personality’s not gonna take her very far…
I have a feeling she is making this face because shejust felt her busted up uterus slipping out of her skirt because she didn’t wear underwear again, but I guess she could be making this face because she’s scared, or sad, or concerned or even surprised. Maybe it’s got to do with her dying career, beauty or sex appeal….or maybe someone just flashed her the 8 ball of coke she’s about to dig her whore face in, or maybe a guy she once banged just told her he has AIDS and has to tell past lovers by law. I really don’t know or care but someone emailed it to me and I figured I’d switch it up by posting it anyway because I have nothing better to do and no matter how hard I try to go back to sleep and no matter how tired I am right now, the alcohol withdrawal isn’t letting me. Asshole.
So Kate Moss turned 35, it seems like just yesterday she was 34. Sure that was a stupid thing to say, but what the fuck do you expect me to say about some retired model I wanted to have sex with over the course of her career slowly getting older. I could say she’s 5 years til 40, or halfway to 70, but who the fuck cares about that kind of math a third grader can do. So maybe you should just leave me alone and look at the pictures of some of the props she got together for her party.
At first I thought they were a little strange, you know the mounted deer head, the pig on a split, the skeletons engaged in illicit acts, but then I remember the time I showed up to a sorority party with my very own bag of tricks….you know, some duct tape, rope, a couple garbage bags, three cans of beer and some spray paint, scissors, nail clippers, condoms, an enema, a pack of cigarettes, a Halloween mask, some junior mints and booster cables. The dude at the gas station gave me a weird look when I was buying my party favors but had nothing on the reaction I got from the girls who had no idea who I was, but who I am sure never have never forgot me since then…
I remember when I was asked to host a 16 year old girl’s house party, like I was some kind of celebrity and the party I was invited to host was some exclusive club, filled with hot girls and free flowing booze, but it turned I wasn’t really asked to host it, and I was actually an unwanted guest that ended with the police showing up, but not to bust the party like you’d expect with it being 4 in the morning and 50 teenagers underage drinking and making noise, because the girls throwing the party called the cops on me, busting their own party, because that’s just the kind of host I am….an unwelcome one.
So when I got this email of some breast cancer event hosted by the Soup Nazi from Seinfeld, I had no choice but to laugh, because any event booking the Soup Nazi to host their shit is probably pretty poor, but more importantly, the Soup Nazi is still living his 15 minutes, 15 years later.
I never liked Seinfeld, it was too Jewish, so I don’t even know who this clown is, but I know he will probably snap one day when some poor fuck asks him at the airport or maybe in the mall to say his “no soup for you line” and he decides to murder suicide, but until then, he’s hosting charity events.
So I was emailed this picture and had no idea who the fuck I was looking at, so I sent it to my favorite celebrity pervert who loves all these bitches and keeps folders on his computer with all their pictures, he immediately told me it was Mischa Barton and I was immediately reminded that I am fucking retarded because I’ve been doing this celebrity focused website for 4 years and I still can’t recognize a celebrity for the life of me because I just don’t give a fuck about them. I guess that doesn’t matter….
What does matter is that she’s at what I assume is a themed party, because if I see a dude who is clearly a rich kid hanging with a celebrity, in a straw hat and overalls with no shirt on, I fuckin’ hope shit’s a theme party and not some kind of new fashion trend that I’ll have to see on the fuckin’ street like that Ed Hardy shit. I guess Mischa looks alright because she’s covering up that sloppy fuckin’ body, but it would still be a better picture if they traded outfits, but that’s just because I like seeing dudes in dresses, I am weird like that.
It was the Winter Music Conference in Miami this past week and I wanted to send someone there to get video footage of all the crazy party people high on drugs, but the WMC decided that my site wasn’t legit or cool enough to cover their shitty week of club djs and I got rejected, so I had to tell the unemployed dude in Miami who owned a video camera that his dreams of being an online TV producer for a shitty site no one reads will have to wait until I trick the WMC that the site isn’t a waste of internet space next year, which turns out to be a pretty hard task because I kinda agree with them.
These are some pictures of Tara Reid on the beach in Miami during the WMC with various men who I can only assume are DJs, club promoters and drug dealers who are in town to support their party lifestyle/industry, because she’s a staple in the club scene internationally and probably won some kind of award for being at the most parties in the last 5 years than any other living human being. I think whatever trophy she got will look good next to her haggard cocaine face, or even next to her old liver she had bronzed after she finally scored that transplant of the liver she stole from 18 year old party girl on Springbreak who she invited back to her room for some exclusive hotel party, at least that’s the only explanation I have for how bitch keeps going.
You know Paris Hilton is a huge star when I find pictures of her dancing at a club and hugging up on some chick like they are best fucking friends for life on Facebook. She’s like one of those accessible celebrities who hangs out with anyone who isn’t famous around her because they are the only people who are impressed by her and it’s good for her ego. They are the kind of people who feel like they are important just because they are in her slut presence and Paris needs that positive affirmation because everyone else in the world thinks she’s a fuckin’ joke. If it wasn’t for these select few ass lickers out there, there wouldn’t even be a Paris Hilton, the harsh reality of her sucking at life would have hit a long time ago and bitch would have jumped off twentieth floor balcony back then.
So as long as there are socialite wannabes and horny dudes willing to fuck some skinny coked up bitch with herpes, there will be a Paris Hilton because she’ll think she has a purpose and we’ll have the facebook uploads as memories of each and everyone one of these club night encounters and I hate all you fuckers for that.
You are the same guy who made this fat bitch I know think she’s all fuckin that, like god’s fucking gift to sucking cock who thinks she gives the best fucking blowjob the world and deserves presents and to be worshipped all because and asshole told her she was awesome. What she doesn’t know is that when getting a blowjob from a willing girl, it’s always the best fucking blowjob and we tell you that it’s the best fucking blowjob because we are trying to fuckin’ cum and if we were to focus on your fucking flaws at giving a blowjob we’d go fuckin’ limp and forced to jerk off like we always fucking do, making the whole blowjob a waste of our time. So don’t let this get to your head bitch, it’s just part of the fuckin’ process and we tell every girl who sucks are dick that she gives the best fucking blowjob and you don’t deserve presents or to be worshipped, because your blowjob was average at best, it was just the best blowjob we were getting at the time. Cuddles.
I can’t figure out what’s worse, partying with Paris Hilton or partying with Paris Hilton and taking a backseat to her when the paparazzi hits, because they have more interest in her than you, when you’re the one who is supposed to be a movie star and she’s just a tranny lookin’ rich kid with a sex tape. It’s gotta be one of those desperate times callin’ for desperate measures in Elisha Cuthbert’s career but at least she’s wearing a Jewish Outfit of the Day because Jews always succeed and this projection shit may work…..I’ll admit, I didn’t really spend all that much time thinking about this important issue and Ididn’t spend all that much time writing this post. I’m sick, it happens, Fuck You.
I saw these picture of Danielle Lloyd the other day and wasn’t too impressed, because the ass flash picture wasn’t released. I don’t remember who she is, probably from Big Brother UK but I do know that she’s one of those chicks who constantly exposes herself and when I see her name in the boards I rip my pictures off of, usually means a guaranteed post…
Reality is that I like slutty lookin girls who dress in revealing clothes. I like girls who show off their bodies and don’t wear panties. I like being with girls who like to flash their bodies and their body parts discreetly even though they usually suck in bed, but watching other guys get hard over them is a total power trip. Unfortunately that hasn’t happened since I got one of my chicks to not wear panties one night and discreetly expose the shit, but that was a long fucking time ago….
I also like girls who like sex. So I spent the last hour sitting on a park bench outside a maternity store. I do this sometimes because I like to let the girls know that I know what they’ve been up to by giving them dirty looks or creepy smirks. In my head I think to myself how that bitch let a dude bust nut inside her and smile and I know she knows I know she let some dude bust in her and that in a few months so will the rest of the world….it’s kinda like she’s released a sex tape or has starred in a porn flick that I’ve never seen, but I still know she was in it.
I found out that Paris was going to be hitting up some ChaChi bar in Montreal about a week ago. I thought it would be funny to get myself into the event even though it’s not that funny. So I tried contacting the club involved. They wanted nothing to do with me or the website so I had to think of alternative options….
I was given Paris’ number a long time ago and we used to have a little dialog going. Unfortunately her number was released on the internet and she changed the shit. So I was stuck with Stavros’ number. Now if you don’t know who Stavros is, he is the fuckin’ man. He has banged anyone famous you can think of, from Petra Nemcova, to Lohan to one of the Olsen twins – so I decided to reach out to him…
Now, Stavros has been in my phone for a while, and I constantly send him text messages and he responds. I never understood why, becauseI have told him that I am from drunkenstepfather, and he always seems to ignore what I say. I had no idea how to get into this shit, so I asked him an he put me on the list. He was under the impression that I was his boy MIchael Perez and I just rode that shit home. So as he told me that I was on the list, and I’d ask him under what name and he told me Michael Perez, I just went along with it…
When I got to the club I told them that I was this Michael Perez motherfucker and they didn’t have me on the list, so I wrote Stavros a CURT text message saying that I was gettin dicked around. The dude was wearing overalls and no shirt and made me feel uncomfortable…Within about 15 minutes the owners of the club found me in the group of 100s of people, apologized and brought me inside like I was important, even though I hadn’t showered and was wearing ratty clothes. I was on Paris’ list and they thought I was some Michael Perez motherfucker who was important for whatever reason. I got to the bar, thought it was hysterical cuz everyone in there was showered and good looking, drank as much as I could afford and waited for the night to end. I fell down the stairs to the bathroom and I was rejected when trying to get into Paris’ VIP area, by Paris Hilton. The security dude brought her my cell phone where all the Stavros messages went down, and she looked at it and said that I could join her stupid dance circle.
The whole epxerience was fucking jokes and I kept laughing. I met some black chick who liked roses and some blond chick who thought I was bored and I just drove that shit home
I think the highlight of the night was watching a whole club zone in on Paris and watch her every move. Bitch would dance and everyone in the place would clap like she was Barney. The whole place was focused 100 percent on her. I guess they didn’t notice how handsome I looked.
When I was leaving, I was told Paris hadn’t left, so I waited around to let her know who I was. Not that it got me invited to her hotel room, but it was still funny, and that is the video you see. I will deny that being my voice because the asshole in it sounds jewish and 13, but reality is that we love Paris and Stavros and this is the proof. I am now Michael Perez and you are still an asshole.
So after all is said and done, they still don’t know what this website is or that it exists, but Paris Hilton is 100 percent worth a round, and I would be willing to get herpes for one night in her. I will be tickling my balls with the hand I shook of hers, just after I disinfect it. Paris changed my life, and I am a groupie now…I am pretty easy to win over…all I need is a little booze and some attention…CUDDLES….
UPDATE: I was fucking drunk when editing and writing this post at 5 am. I was out alone and stealing booze off some dudes with gel in their hair’s bottle….I shoulda asked her to bring me back to her hotel to let me lick her asshole. But I forgot. I did feel like a 14 year old girl waiting around to see Paris, but I needed to get something for the site and I wasn’t about to get arrested over the shit, so this is what you get.
If you were looking for a video of me throwing my feces at her, this isn’t it. I am too nice for that. I forgot to tell her I was from Drunkenstepfather.com, I was just trying to get over my big breasted Barmaids big breasts and the fact that people actually care about Paris. Like care so much that there was a crowd outside the place. I was also trying to get over this really rich bald old guy and his entourage of 10 really hot 20 year olds who I can only assume were on Payroll, making me realize that when you have money you can have any pussy you want.
It may look like I was all lined up to meet and greet her, I was just standing outside with some dude from Afghanistan when this went down…harassing random people coming out of the club…but I barely got any of it on video because I was drunk. I did try to hustle a black girl and that was a first for me. It wasn’t a success because some male model type was handing out roses to all the girls and that made all their panties wet, if they were even wearing panties…which made the floor wet…either way, I was upstaged by him and I was only doing it because I figured she wouldn’t mind my stink.
Here’s the rest of my videos from that night I can’t embed the shit…So Click the Link… GO
I don’t find Jenna Jameson hot at all. I know she’s a dirty washed up porn slut who everyone gives credit to for being such a great business woman in writing books, producing porn, selling molds of her cunt and doing whatever else she does to make money, but when I look at her I just see a whore and I have never really had anything against whores, I’d pay them for sex and shit, but I never wanted to make them my girlfriend and when I could jerk off I’d never jerk off to them, because the thought of being so dirty and loose in the hips, always made me more sick to my stomach than anything else.
I am not trying to say that I would only prey on virgins, but there was a time when I’d meet girls in bars and we’d get to talking and they’d tell me how many dude’s they had banged in their lifetime and I’d take the drink I bought them out of their hand and dump it out on the floor, because it’s easy for a bitch to get cock, all they have to do is leave the house and when a bitch gets as much cock as someone like Jenna, they have emotional issues. In her case, I get that it’s her job, but it’s not a very hard job to get in and being successful at what she does is a lot easier than getting that promotion at the shitty office you work at. If the world worked like a porn movie, the richest people in the world would be the ones who can take the most dicks in their ass, and that is why I have no respect for this talentless prostitute.
I knew this stripper who I’d run into on the street and shit, outside the club and working hours. She was always with a different guy. When I asked her where she met all these dudes, she would say at work or at clubs. I would ask why she hangs with them and she’d say because they buy me stuff, they take me on vacation and take me to nice restaurants. When I told her that she was a whore because she made it clear that she would bang them, she said something like it’s not like they pay me in cash. Point being that money hungry bitches who know that loser dudes pay for their company and use their pussies to get ahead are trash.
Either way, I figured I’d post pictures of her partying to remind you that disgusting sluts are out there and people like you like them
