Tara Reid is a machine and parties all the time. I don’t think she gets enough credit for the work that she does because going out is a total pain in the ass. Everyone hates on her for being useless but the truth is that she draws a crowd when she hits these clubs like some d-list rockstar and she’s constantly bringing her A-game.

I know when I get wasted in barsI am pretty much tapped out for a week. I get 2 day hangovers and usually don’t leave my bed until my wife gets into it but that’s just because there’s not enough room for the two of us. That’s life as a fat man with a fat wife and that’s probably part of the reason why I don’t have the same kind of stamina as Tara Reid.

The good news is that I still drink everyday, but there’s just something easier about getting wasted in a gutter alone than having to make conversation with useless people while trying to look your best, which is something I never have to do because I’m no miracle worker and can’t help but look like a wreck. I guess that’s just one of the many reason’s I’m not like Tara Reid, other reasons include not having fake tits, not having money, not being someone people want to have sex with and not wearing my wallpaper out as a dress because I don’t even have wallpaper. I know…I’m pretty much good for nothing.