Miranda Kerr is nude in a photo shoot, but not really nude by my standards, because I only consider a bitch to be nude if I can make out what her pussy looks like…I’m talking every lip fold, discoloration, or razor burn bump. So sure she’s not wearing clothes, but as far as I’m concerned she pretty much is and whoever is behind this suggestive piece of shit needs to be fuckin’ shot, unless he has plans t release the behind the scene pics of her bending over and spread eagle…which I hope he does cuz Miranda Kerr is pretty decent.
Katie Price has been working really hard the last couple of days. I guess now that she’s getting divorced it’s time to pick up the fuckin’ pace, or make some money to pay off the leech who gets half of everything. I’ve posted a lot of pictures of her at the job and it’s been really exhausting, but probably not as exhausting as spending days laying around a beach in a bikini, half naked, in the sun, in luxury, while people snap off pics while carrying a fat set of tits around all day. Sure she’s useless and has a weird fuckin’ body, but I guess I do too.
Here are the pics….I am uninspired with her….pretty much exhausted her this week….
I saw a girl last night who I had met a few weeks earlier. She wasn’t really my kind of girl in the sense that I don’t normally hang with cheesy hot chicks in the female line from the people who brought you “Affliction” clothing, who hangs with balding men, because I hate that shit, but she was fucking hot. Anyway, the last time I met her I had told her about my site and this time she came up to me to tell me that she actually went to the site and that she didn’t get it and she kept saying she didn’t get it. I was kinda thrown off because there’s really nothing to get, I post pictures of celebrities and I talk shit, but for some reason she couldn’t grasp it, in the same way that I can’t grasp this Kristen Stewart bitch and why everyone thinks she’s hot, or why she’s out doing this photoshoot trying to look sexy. I guess not everything is for everyone….
I met my very own Megan Fox earlier today. She was this hot blonde chick who asked me for a lighter on the street randomly. I didn’t have a lighter because I don’t smoke, so I said no, but then I remembered I don’t change my pants and grabbed some matches the other week at a restaurant, so I called her back saying I had matches, only to realize that I didn’t. I apologized. She said I got her hopes up. I said “Yeah, I really fucked you” she walked away creeped the fuck out and I screamed after her saying “I’m going to write about this on Craiglist misconnections”. I am pretty sure she felt the love.
Here’s Megan Fox doing some photoshoot. My favorite part of it are her white pants because of the suspense that comes with wearing white pants – will she get a surprise period or not – only time will tell – amazing.
Cindy Crawford is 43 years old. She did a bikini photoshoot. I have seen her in person. Recently, when she was promoting some furniture shit here at some discount store and I tried to get her to sign my penis, only to be escorted out of the store before actually meeting her because security caught onto my plan, mainly because I tipped them off in my excited state, litterally, but shit, she looks fuckin’ good.
Here’s Alessandra Ambrosio in some clothed photoshoot. This is like some non-nude model bullshit that was huge on the internet a bunch of years ago, where bitches like Kate’s Playground would never show off tit or vag, and just dance around in their fucking underwear like a bunch of teenage sluts who were milking idiot men for tons of fucking money, despite having a club foot, no one would ever really look past, if she was an actual stripper or some shit.
You know, I get the tease factor, you know not wanting a bitch to give you her everything, you know building up to it or whatever, but I don’t get that for internet porn, you now, especially when every girl in your life refuses to get naked for you daily, the last thing you need is an internet slut to do the same fucking thing. I mean I am self-hating, self-sabotaging, self-destructive, but I’m not a fuckin’ idiot or going to pay 30 dollars a fucking month to get girls to not get naked for me, when they don’t get naked for me for free.
Anyway, the whole point of all this is to say that this Ambrosio shit is the opposite of that non-nude model shit, because we’ve all seen her in underwear and now she’s all dressed up, like some kind of mom or something and that pisses me off.
Anna Kournikova did some ads for K-Swiss. I didn’t realize K-Swiss was still around. I haven’t seen that shit since the gangsters in my neighborhood stocked up on them back in the late 90s because they were on sale. Does anything more really need to be said about this? I don’t think so.
Kate Moss is still getting work even though she’s old and a drug addict. Here she is doing a photoshoot as the face of Yves Saint Laurent. I like that despite being a cokehead she can still get hired, you know because I guess everyone’s a fucking cokehead in the fashion world so if routine drug tests were implemented, they’d have no one to work, which is unfair, because when I was applying for work as a flight attendent to escape this hell I am living, they asked me to leave the casting call, because I did a bump in front of a recruiter in the bathroom and they didn’t think me telling them that it gives me a little more edge, confidence and alertness to get the job well done was a good enough reason….in fact I think they even called the cops.
I guess like anything we have to wonder what example this will give girls, you know since any girl aware of who the face of Yves Saint Laurent is, usually is a brat with a ton of fucking money who started getting high at 14 cuz daddy was at work and her allowance was 1000 dollars a day….It doesn’t matter – just look at her nipple, live her nipple and love her nipple.
I have loved Christina Milian since seeing her get covered in mud like a dirty little whorein her one hit wonder album a few years back that I assume she’s trying to recreate. I assume she’s been dropped by her original label and that is why she’s been laying low but after deciding to go with myspace records, she’s recorded an album and now she’s doing her promotional rounds.
She ended up on the cover of King Magazine because I guess she’s black or appeals to black people and by black people I mean white suburban kids who buy magazines they think are for black people so they can act more black and garner some street cred, while real black people are too busy being gangsters, rappers or reading Fortune to bother picking shit up.
On a side note, I fell in love with a black girl last night, it was at the movies, she was tall and luxurious, I tried making eye contact, until her hoodrat boyfriend came and I felt it was better to not get shot.
Here’s a video of Aubrey O’Day shooting her Playboy cover shoot because I figure since she’s obsessively talking about the shit like a 35 year old who finally lost his virginity to an actual girl talks to his friends on Second Life. Sure, it’s enough already but people find her hot and I like the fact that she’s an insecure girl who aspired to be in Playboy but always felt inadequate so that’s why she’s so proud of this accomplishment that I can’t see being a fucking accomplishment but maybe that’s because I am not a whore of a girl, and need the bunny tattoo on my pelvis to really grasp how big of a deal this is.
Here are some pictures of Ali Lohan doing a photoshoot. I am not going to lie, I am a little torn because of these, sure I deem them totally inappropriate, as her dress is sheer and her titties are busting out, because getting off to pictures of 15 year olds in pictures is a crime and sexualizing a 15 year old should be a crime, but no one can control your dirty thoughts, so you should probably just keep it to yourself and not tell the world the things you’ve done to yourself thinking about hot summer days spent at the Dairy Queen or the public pool.
The reason I am torn is because it is perfectly legal to bang 14 year olds in Canada, so if let’s say Little Lohan looked 15 and not 40 and was hot and not a haggard, busted up and broken down faced monster, and these pictures turned me on I could go find my own Local Little Lohan, put her in this little outfit, have her dance around the room a little, before teaching me what she learned watching Gossip Girl, but the second I bust out a camera, I get arrested and that doesn’t seem fair, it’s like make it all legal, or make it all illegal, but not being able to document you sexual conquests should is the fucking crime here.
Point being, I am not down with 15 year olds, they just aren’t experienced enough to bring the slutty, and if they are slutty, it’s all an act. I figure let the teenage boys premature ejaculate for them and I’ll take em over at 18. Unfortunately, that never happens, but I can pretend it does, this is the internet.
Dina Lohan doesn’t think the same way as me. She wants people jerking off to her daughter, because she knows sex sells. I mean her vagina is the only reason she’s ever accomplished anything in her life, from free coke to her daughters’ careers, and that should be fucking criminal, because I remember when I tried to sell my stepdaughter to the neighbor when she was 16, my wife threatened to get me put the fuck away, but the second you get off the street and on the screen, shit’s totally accepted. Injustice.
Point being, Dina Lohan needs to rethink her parenting strategies, not that she’s a parent in anyway or has ever been one. She’s always been someone using her kids to give her the glamor she’s never been able to get for herself, no matter how many blowjobs she gave, it was just failed dreams.
So in her jealous rage towards Miley’s success, while thinking her Ali deserves that fame, and because Miley got all that press for her whore pictures, she goes ahead and coordinates this photoshoot, hoping for results. Unfortunately, Ali Lohan will never be a Miley, because her sister ruined all chances of her doing anything in life that isn’t porn and this is just a preview of what’s to come.
By the looks of these pictures, she’ll be alright going down that porn route and I mean she’s already got a head start on other future pornstars, since her mom’s been prostituting her all her life. Sure other pornstars-to-be may have the advantage since they are at home being molested/ raped / trained in their trailers by their dads, but Ali Lohan’s already comfortable in front of a camera….and that will probably go a long way. I also hear she’s a triple threat, but haven’t quite figured out what that means….
The next time Miley goes horseback riding, she should do it bareback, you know without pants or underwear, because it’s the best way to leave her box bruised, chaffed and smelling like shit, I mean other than spending the afternoon in a meeting with a team of Disney execs who own that teenage snatch. I mean it’s not prositution when it’s a career more, or maybe it is. Well at least she gets paid well, I mean otherwise it’d just be fucking sick since she is only 16, and I am not trying to present her as a sexual object, that would be illegal and suicide for me, I’ll just let Disney continue to do that, but in her defense, 16 year old’s are usually past the handjob phase, and have thrown the panty-on rule out the window, and taking things to the next level, so in her defense she’s gotta get some fuckin’ love somewhere, it’s not like that guy she’s dating is giving it to her, because he’s gay and scared of vagina, no matter how many promises it makes to give him a career.
Who the fuck is Anna Faris, oh right, she did a movie that would have been straight to DVD if the US population had any level of intelligence, but instead eat this kind of shit up like it was Beverly Hills Chihuahua 2 – The Search For My Castrated Testicles in Paris Hilton’s Panty Drawer . She was seen doing some kind of photoshoot on the street in some Freddy Kruger dress I find disgusting, because it reminds me of a tampon that just gave your girlfriend Toxic Shock Syndrome because it was kept in too long, but I guess it’s appropriate considering she’s rockin’ some serious period bloat. I love being a fat guy who can spend his day hating on girls who would never fuck me, it’s like some kind of restitution that brings me peace. Thanks Anna Faris for being the kind of girl who would never fuck me, you don’t realize how therapeutic your superficiality is.
Hilary Duff did Maxim and who really gives a shit. I am just surprised that Maxim is still around and that people buy that shit, not only because magazines are pretty fucking obsolete and kill trees, you fucking hippies, but because shit’s more repetitive than me, it’s like every issue is a repeat of the last issue and despite finding comfort in things we know and trust, it’s still boring and a waste of fucking time. Sure, I pull that shit out in magazine stands, just to see if maybe they’ve updated their format, or to see if they’ve finally bit the bullet and gone porn, but they just always let me the fuck down, including these pictures of Hilary Duff, would it be too much to ask to see a photoshoot with a skate to her neck and a hockey sick in her ass, while her boyfriend and the rest of his team suck each other off like they do in the locker room after they won a big fucking game, because it’s not gay to suck off your teammate if a teen starlet is in the corner fucking the equipment, like she does it in the bedroom at home? Step it the fuck up Maxim.
Miranda Kerr did some photoshoot for some fashion magazine from France that I am sure none of you have a yearly subscription to, so I figured I’d post some of the pictures from her spread, because as you all know, the French are sluts and have anal sex on the first date and that kind of passion comes through in the photography, only they trick the models into thinking they are part of this greater artistic vision, which is along the same lines of what I had to do the time I convinced a French slut to have anal on the first date, if you consider throwing 50 dollars her way art…..
