So it turns out that Paris Hilton has finally come to her senses and dropped this whole lesbian theme that’s been going down the last couple months in Hollywood because it was overbearing and her career went to shit, by leaving her lesbian lover Benji Madden. The rumor is that she’s moved onto the CEO of Myspace named Chris DeWolfe, which is pretty appropriate considering that Myspace is dying as fast as Paris Hilton’s career and this is the kind of thing that a company in extreme desperation would try to stage to get back in the news……

Now I hate Paris Hilton as much as I hate Benji Madden and his suburban rockstar/popstar bullshit image with his fake tattoos, his sex with his twin brother that isn’t gay because it’s like they are masturbating since they are the same person, but I don’t hate either of them as much as I hate Myspace, because neither Paris or Good Charlotte fucked me over personally, I can just ignore their retarded behavior, but Myspace deleted my profile that I was trying to use to get famous like I was Tila Tequila and that shit’s not at all forgivable, kinda the same feeling Chris DeWolfe will feel when Paris Hilton moves onto new cock and he realizes that he threw away his marriage for this subpar broken down vaginaed slut in some act of desperation, mid-life crisis or just plane dirty ol’ man maneuvering.

Here is Paris Hilton celebrating the fact that she’s fucking an old man at the Playboy mansion with other whores who fuck an old man…..it’s nice to see like-minded people finally finding each other, it’s like when two socially awkward people who have no friends in their local towns, but find each other on the internet and end up marrying and living a happy life they otherwise wouldn’t live, but the lingerie, fake tit, blonde, get paid too much money to get naked and fuck on camera because we don’t consider ourselves everyday strippers/whores version…..

Playboy merchandise and branding reminds me of the stripper version of Ed Hardy. It’s like the same misguided tacky club bitches who wear Ed Hardy shit today, were the girls getting the Playboy bunny tattooed to their hip 3 years ago and the girls who are rockin’ Playboy shit today are just really behind the fuckin’ curve on being a trashy whore, and are probably from small towns and spend their nights working the local strip club.

These are the girls who wear tight decorative jeans, have bleached hair and show off their tits all the fucking time and you figure they’d love suckin’ dick but realize that if you have enough money, you can find out for yourself and when you do, you realize that they are actually the worst fucks around because they party too hard and get too much male attention to bother putting any effort in. They are the same girls who have ragged faces and look like they are 35 but when you get drunk enough to approach them, you realize it’s their 22nd birthday but for obvious reasons, we all love them.

Here are some pictures of Playboy’s new swimwear line for sluts everywhere and for the record, I love sluts and don’t really care how tacky a pussy is because as long as there’s a pussy, I’m happy.

Since my computer has AIDS, I figured I’d post this video of Denise Richards potentially setting her nephew up for a future that has a high risk of AIDS. Not only does she talk to him about her Playboy spread but also brings up her threesome in Wild Things with Neve Campbell and Kevin Bacon and the little dude pretty much admitted to seeing “clips” of it probably when googling his Aunts name.

All Denise did when she had “that talk” with the dude was admit that she is someone who gets naked for money, but she didn’t really get into how it’s wrong to get turned on by your aunt and that it’s wrong to masturbate to images of your aunt dyking out, because family may come first, but family isn’t supposed to make you come at all. That’s the kind of shit that leads you to drugs or suicide.

Either way, from now on, no girl he meets will or gets with will be as hot or as good as his aunt and when he realizes that getting off to your aunt is fucked up, when other kids are going to their aunt’s house for dinner, while this punk is going to his aunt’s house to hide in the closet and jerk off while she’s changing until he gets caught and the guilt of being some freak who can only get turned on by his own family member is going to throw this motherfucker into homosexuality, at least that’s my prediction. It’s one of those all women make me think about how fucked in the head I am and all tits make me think of my aunt so I’ll just stay the fuck away from tits….situation.

This clip is 4 days old, I’m the first to admit I am slow movin.

Her name is Nicole Narain and she’s some chick from Playboy who was the co-star in the Colin Farrel sex tape. I remember posting that video a long fuckin’ time ago and Colin Farrel ran after all of us for posting it with lawyers and shit because he’s a huge fuckin’ baby. The reality is that he made gay dudes everywhere happy because they got to see his dick and that was a lot more interesting to them than just always wondering what kinda heat he was packing and put an end to debates in gay clubs everywhere as to whether he was stacked or not. If anything, he did the gay community a favor and gave them something better to worry about like how they should use condoms when they have sex with strangers because it can prevent HIV. Before the sex tape hit, I am pretty sure Colin Farrel’s penis or the mystery of his penis caused so much confusion after getting hot and bothered watching one of his movies on a gay date with the guy they met in a bar that people died because of it.

Either way, I am on a black girl kick right now and think she’s hot enough, I guess Playboy and Farrel already confirmed that for me, in reality the fact she has a vagina confirmed that for me, so here she is showing her nipple.

I don’t like this song at all but I do like the video. It’s got a couple of girls showing off their hot panty asses and bare tits while playing with each other on a bed as the asshole lead singer of the band tries to video tape them like it’s some kind of sex tape….which just makes me mad because the last girl who wanted me to videotape her was my wife on a camping trip so that she would always have the memories of the weekend she ate all our food in the first 24 hours of being in the woods, leading to us having to hunt and gather from the land to survive.

That’s not the point, the point is that I just like my music videos to be more like a porno movie, because I want all things in my life to be more like a porno movie including my life, but that’s just because the girls in porno are so classy and I’m tired of this poverty ghetto life I’m livin’

Here is some broken down WWE chick, Maria Kanellis and she’s celebrating her big Playboy spread. I guess she looks so happy because it’s pretty much the height of her career and she’s hoping it leads to better jobs for her by getting noticed by the public, instead of just by her creepy WWE fans. I am pretty sure when she was a little broken down slut back in her high school, she had would lie in bed at night and dream about the day a magazine will pay her to pose naked for her, because she realized that all that getting naked for free was only giving her some unwanted pregnancies and a false sense of popularity because the dudes in her school liked that she put out.

The good news is that she can take a beating and that’s what we all need out of a future wife, or girl we cut out naked pictures of and staple to our couches pretending she’s our wife, because when that cut out turns you down when you ask for a blowjob, it’s got another thing coming…so she knows better for next time….

So I gave up on the staying locked down shit, it wasn’t working for me and figured if people actually want to kill me, I should just let them try and see what happens. I’m gangster like the suburban kid who shot himself in the leg to tell all his boys that he was shot in a drug war.

This whole daylight’s saving shit is freaking me the fuck out. I went out for my coffee and it was dark outside. I realize that I live in a freezing cold hell and all that shit, but it’s never this dark at 4 pm. But then I realized that Daylight’s Saving time hit and that it wasn’t the apocalypse or anything Will Smith would be trying to save me from in a movie, which was kinda disappointing.

Since my memory is so shot from drinking, I decided to relive last week in this post by throwin’ up these Alessandra Ambrosio pics like all you college kids were throwing up all over your stupid costumes last week. The funniest thing Halloween is how everyone thinks they are so creative with their costumes and when I go through people’s Halloween pictures, everyone wears the same fucking costumes. I guess there’s only 20 concepts people have to choose from and run with, so you see a lot of repeats, like Halloween is Seinfeld and the Playboy bunny is a popular one, so Alessandra may not be all that creative but at least she’s hot and got legs while doing shit a lot better than the 200 pound girl I saw trying to get away with the same fucking costume a couple of days ago. I guess Halloween is a day for dreamin’.

A couple months ago I was crashing on my friend’s couch along with her at her mom’s apartment. Every morning we would take the dogs out to the park to pee and hump each other (the dogs, not us). One morning we noticed a homeless dude passed out in the bushes. One of the dogs ran off, and when it came back, it was covered in hot, wet homeless shit. We freak out. The other dog starts going nuts and fucking this human shit-covered dog. We call her mom and she says to take them to Petco (I was thinking bullets were a better idea).

We leash the bitches up (they are lesbian dogs) and start the 12 block treck to Petco. It’s morning rush hour, the sidewalks are packed, and our two human-diarrhea dogs are rubbing up against people on their way to work. We get to Petco, and the groomer was like, “Holy fuck.”

Two hours later the dogs came back with ribbons and smelling like roses. You know what probably doesn’t smell like roses? Former playmate Kathy Lloyd’s pussy now. These are some old naked picks of her from, Hell, i dunno, the ’80s? ’90s? She probably has peices of Heffner all stuck and rotting up in her vagina. But she was naked then, so I present her to you now. Go masterbate.

Obediently yours,
Sugar Nell (ex-hooker, friend of Jesus)

EMAIL ME HERE

When a woman decides to get naked for the world to see a strange thing happens and that strange thing is that they suddenly become sluts in public, I’m talking everywhere they go. I am not sure if it’s because they figure that since everyone has seen them naked, there is no point in holding back or if it is some prior slut issues that they’ve kept locked up all these years…

To you she’s been Olympic Athlete, to me she’s a whore who spends days upon days upon days in a bathing suit and to her ex boyfriend she was probably the first girl to take it up the ass. I think it’s got to do with being on the swim team that makes girls crazy.

I’ve seen my share of swim teams and all the girls no matter what age flash each other, talk about shaving their boxes and shower together. I remember that was my motivation behind volunteering at the local high school as an assistant swim coach, but I didn’t get the job after I told the coach what my motivation was….

Either way, I guess no one told her that she has a pretty wrecked face, they probably didn’t want to ruin her day, her excitement, she even went out and bought little shorts and heels to have some level of femininity after all those years of being an athlete in the gym, which is about as feminine as Gerri Halliwell’s huge trainer walking her faggot dog….

Bonus - Picture of Gerri Halliwell’s Huge Trainer Walking Her Faggot Dog….

Here are the Kristine Lefebvre June Playboy pics. Bitch is an Apprentice chick who probably had the time of her life on the show, because people actually gave a shit about her for once in her life, and then it all ended when the she got kicked off. She’s probably been to auditions in attempt to get into the public eye again, but nothing worked out, so she went to Playboy, who will pretty much do a spread on anyone who has been on any TV show, including that fat slut from Wilson Philips. Either way, this cry for attention and attempt at fame may just be the kick in the ass this girl needs. It did work for Pamela Anderson….

Playboy always runs after me when I post their shit, so I am not really going to bother uploading them all only to have them all taken down, not to mention I am pretty slow on stories and you have probably already seen all of these, I am just posting them in case you haven’t. I am nice like that….and these pictures are pretty fucking boring. I have seen sexier shit go down and the Old Folks home I used to work at and based on her prison tattoos, I can only assume this isn’t the first time slut’s been topless on camera before…

I was trying to decide whether I should bother posting these or not, because I know that I don’t give a fuck about this washed up Playboy playmate with big fake tits, but then I realized that I spent most of my day looking out the window and that it was less work for me to do this post than it was for me to actually sit down and try to edit a Day Dream no one watches, or try to come up with some amazing concept that will put me on the map and land me some kind of money….

I know that all the good looking girls who just finished University for the semester and who haven’t made their way back home are out on the patios around the city getting drunk in very little clothes and a huge part of me wants to go watch them in action, but bars don’t let you in with your own booze, because they are assholes….

Either way, the internet’s got some tits for me that may not be as exciting as a real chick, but being married, impotent, poor and unshowered kinda means even if I was out there, I wouldn’t be seeing any nipple by the end of the night…so this is all the action I’ll be getting. At least I am not alone…thanks for always making me feel better about myself. Virgin.

This is a photocall for the London Marathon, because this bitch is from London and has run the Marathon before, and since most british people are chain smoking fat people who eat fried foods or in the USA living the Hollywood dream, they have a limited amount of people to choose from to be their poster girl for the event….

For those who don’t know, Nell McAndrew was a Page 3 girl, then she became the model for Lara Craft then lead her to a lucrative career in Playboy and shitty reality shows.

This post was probably the most informative one in a longtime, see I can use google if I want to, but I need a good reason, like why some bitch in spandex is making the news who I had never heard of.

I have a thing for girls in workout gear, I’ve written that it is my new porn over and over again and that is mainly because my wife is fat and the closest thing she has to fitness gear is a pair of elastic waisted pants that slowly get tighter the more and more she eats. Being fit is something I look at as fantasy because my reality is so obese, even if the bitch working out is just posing and not really breaking a sweat, it’s better than nothin’.