Debbie Does Dallas was the first porno I ever saw back when I was 15 or 16. It holds a very warm place in my heart as fetishes of big bushed cheerleaders never really left my mind. I wasn’t sure how much I liked the concept of remaking it with bikini waxes, fake tits and expensive cameras, so when I heard about the NYC Debbie Does Dallas Again launch party that happened in NYC last Thursday, I convinced Vivid that my site was good enough to get invited and they pulled through. I am obviously too broke to go to NYC so I found some people willing to help out. I wanted to get the whole thing on video but I don’t have equipment but the guy I spoke to said that he’d do it as long as he could get drunk. Since I encourage people being drunk, it seemed like he was the guy. He forgot to tell me that his camera was on a free cellphone he got for signing a 2 year contract, but he still pulled through -

This is what he had to say about the event:

So Big Pinky Derrick and I got a late start which upon entering the club was fine by us. There were swarms of shithead photographers with their expensive cameras and wall street pieces of shit in 3 piece suits that seemed to cover the place like a cum shot covers a pornstar’s tits. We immediately grabbed beers from the open bar, but only one beer at a time cause they wouldn’t let us double fist. I figured double fisting would be accepted because it’s a porn party, but maybe fisting hasn’t really made it into the mainstream porn yet.

Regardless we made our way to the cesspool of photographers, I was equipped with a polaroid I stole from my neighbor’s little sister about 10 years ago and began snapping up photos of Monique who was posing. I was catching glaring eyes of the “professional” photographers who I guess thought I was a total cunt and at one point even told me that the event was for professionals. Shit’s for DrunkenStepfahter, how much more professional can I get so I told him to Fuck off. We continued drinking staring at the scene, having team huddles in the bathroom to assess the situation.

Finally after getting shoved around by “professionals”, karma kicked in. They escorted the porn stars to a roped off section and with three piece weasels and shithead photographers foaming at the bottom of the stairs they pulled me and Big Pinky up. Giving my competition the proverbial fuck off smile me and my cohort parted the sea of scum and sat unaccompanied with Monique and Savanna who both seemed confused how a bunch of idiots like us were up there with them in the first place.

Alas the girls warmed up to us and our charming ways. The interview went fine, we parted with thanks, smiles, and gropes, and hit the bar once more before stumbling out onto the NYC streets, laughing at the whole fucking thing.” I’d say thanks Jesus and DrunkenStepfather.com, but I am convinced you had nothing to do with making this happen. It was all me, motherfucker.

here’s the video:

Here’s the interview that you can’t make out in the video.

The following questions were asked of our two lovely hedonists:

Who would win a fight Captain crunch or Captain Kirk?

Monique: Captain crunch. Probably due to brand loyalty.

Savana: Captain Kirk cause he is bigger and not a cartoon.

Who is your favorite smurf?

Monique and Savana: The only one that wore high heels and was slutty. Smurfette.

If there were a fire which would you rescue? A kitten or a puppy?

Both: The puppy. Kittens are too hard to catch an are not as cool. Puppies rule.

Punch mom in the stomach or wear a suit of Macaroni for a week.

Monique I’d definetly punch my mom in the stomach hard!
Savana: Macaroni suit.

Favorite shoes of all times?
Monique: Chucks
Savana:Giuseppi whatevers

Here are the polaroids:

I have decided that showing up to events with a camera phone is exactly where I want to take stepTV. Fuck 10,000 dollar cameras and high quality video, this shit’s ghetto there’s no denying it. I hope these guys become my NYC stepSTEVEs. If you’re wondering who they are -

Big Pinky Derrick on camera and interviewer is from TVCARNAGE

and

Roedood behind the camera and drunk and is from VBS.tv (until I poach this motherfucker to work for me full time because Vice is massively gay)

For more info on Debbie Does Dallas Again Go HERE

I figure that here is no better way to start he day than with a southern pornstar and her retarded lookin’ tits. I am feeling like I got hit by a bus, so I haven’t really been able to reflect on all the tits I saw this weekend to try to make this post relevant to my life, but I all I can remember doing is spending the night in the bus station because my wife locked me out and I had no where else to go. There was this girl who was sitting next to me for about 4 hours who I couldn’t help but stare at. I was hoping she was a teenage runaway that I could offer a warm shower and home cooked meal to, as it’s always been a great pick-up line to the homeless bitches I have hooked up with in the past, but realized that I didn’t have a warm shower or home cooked dinner to offer, as I was homeless too.

Anyway, the reason I couldn’t decide if she was hot or not was because she was big. I am talking tall and broad and not obese like my bacon loving wife. I went up to this girls navel and her tits may have been the size of my fucking head, but so were her biceps. Part of me wanted to see her naked, but another part of me knew her dick was bigger than mine….I just hit the bottle and ended up passing out instead of striking up conversation. I guess I am shy like that.

I only really remembered who Shauna Sand was last week when I posted her See Thru Picture last week.

She’s at it again, only this time it’s at some trashy fashion show. I guess when you invest that kind of money in the firmest set of fake tits around, wearing a bra is a waste of time. It’s like everytime I go to a bar and get completely wasted and use my bus money on one last shot…I never really feel the impact of that shot, but leaving the bar with money in my pocket means I’ve failed….

Maybe, it’s really not like that at all, but it was better than my other analogy which was once you bang a bitch with herpes without a condom, there’s no real point in ever wearing one again because the damage is already done, but I don’t think that really makes sense.

I guess I will just stick to, bitch doesn’t wear a bra cuz her tits are more fake than my daughter’s Chanel earrings her black boyfriend gave her, but that doesn’t mean she won’t show them off to all her ghetto friends at school….

Maybe that one was a little homo, but I was just at the strip club and one of the strippers was in a fake Chanel bathing suit, with Fake Chanel Earrings and Sunglasses, she also had fake tits and I did see her nipple too, only it was more exciting because I could smell her box from the front row and I can’t get Chanel of the brain….

So here are some clips of Ron Jeremy reenacting the virals of the past 4 years that all you fucking losers will know because your life is based on the internet. I just called an event planner to see how much she would charge to organize a strip club karaoke night for all the local hipsters and she hung up on me. I guess she didn’t like my idea but I was being serious…I just haven’t figured out how it will work, I have got as far as the whole Karaoke Machine, Tits and Lap dances but beyond that I am confused…

Speaking of confused here are those Ron Jeremy Virals.

Shauna Sand is some kind of playboy playmate who was married to some h-list celebrity named Lorenzo Lamas. Here she is out in some see-thru dress showing off the huge fucking tits that got her where she is today. I don’t know if breast implants are as popular a they used to be. I don’t feel like a girl needs huge fake titties to get into Playboy or porn anymore, I think the general population isn’t all about tits like they used to be, but back when this slag got started, it was the only way to the top. I was out at the strip club with a group of guys from the park a couple of months ago, it was welfare check day which means all kinds of crazy. My friend Lou had never touched a set of fake tits ever, so I suggested we hit up the strip club. There was a time when every fucking stripper was packin’ heat, but this day we had to go to four different places to find a set. When I finally spotted fake tits I went up to the stripper and asked if her tits were real. She didn’t know how to answer for fear of losing the dance, when I made her feel comfortable about her tits and let her know that we were on this quest, she was more than happy to pull out her plastic tit, show us her scar and even do a titty dance routine with them. All this to say, there’s still fake tits out there, but they are so fuckin’ 1995. Makin’ Shauna Sand’s tits older than some of you.

On a side note, you know you have my kind of woman when her shoes are made of plastic. Some of the best cheap strippers I’ve fallen in love with wore a pair of these….