James Blunt proves that if you are a little guy who isn’t much to look at, all you have to do is teach yourself the guitar, figure out how to sing about things that make girls wet in the panties, get signed and pretty much whore yourself out to middle aged women and ladies with a broken heart through your record deal that ends up making you a lot of money. Once that happens, you can date and walk around models and other tall girls to let everyone know just how much power you actually have.
It turns out that eating a bag of chips everynight while playing videogames alone in your shitty basement, slowly getting fatter and fatter while chronically masturbating, your idea of satisfying your woman, who is actually a rubber vagina toy your mom got you because she was concerned that if ever you came in contact with a real one, you’d be scared of it and this would ease you into it all while not showering and pretty much lookin’ like you’ve given up on life, doesn’t work quite as well.
Here he is on vacation with some slut, just to show that he smarter than you.
I got this email from a reader who was at the Playboy mansion for some party the other day, because I guess some people who read the site are heavily more important and hooked up than me. I have a hard enough time being allowed into the local Dunkin Donuts because despite having a huge homeless following, they don’t seem to appreciate my loitering. Either way here’s the email I got:
Dear Jesus,
I was at the Playboy Mansion for some party a little while ago and while I was doing my fair share of drinking and hustling hot chicks who were either in Playboy or trying to be in Playboy and managed to get into the event in hopes of being discovered, I noticed that Jeremy Piven from Entourage was there too. Now, I don’t consider this guy a celebrity at all and I have little to no interest in him because he pretty much looks like he’s just as annoying as his character on the show, but when I saw his coked up drunken ass begging this chick to come home with him, I had no choice but to document the moment. I was close enough to hear his lame jokes about sex and his bragging about how girls really love him but how he doesn’t like all the attention he gets just because he’s on tv, something I knew was all part of his game. The girl gave him a good 10 minutes but I guess she realized he was running some weak game treating her like some kind of dumb bitch he probably gets to go home with him in clubs and she wasn’t about to lower herself to that level or maybe it was the fact that he was sweating profusely and looked like a total fucking mess. I guess none of that matters, but it would be funny if you posted this pic and gave us all your take on Jeremy Piven.
I am not a fan of Jeremy Piven or the fact that girls constantly prove to be idiot groupies whenever I see pictures of him with some hot young slut, because I know that she just wants to famous and dude manipulates her by making her think that getting with him is some kind of accomplishment on her part and possibly the closest she’ll get to be famous. It’s sad to see hot girls lower themselves to sleep with dudes they normally wouldn’t because they see him on TV, but dude still gets laid all the time and despite being rejected by this one, I am sure there’s a couple school bus full of drunk party sluts who think banging him will be the closest they ever get to banging Adrian Grenier and that going home with him is a better stamp of approval than going home with some other poorer, less famous drunken motherfucker in the bar that they’d normally go home with if Piven hadn’t chosen them for the night. Celebrity means pussy and despite not being a celebrity, girls will always go home with guys they’ve seen anywhere, even in the Sears catalog just because they recognize the motherfucker and I guess that’s because girls are all groupy sluts even if the motherfucker doesn’t deserve groupies.
Lily Allen has a little landing strip, in the event you were wondering what the weapon who killed her baby looked like. I figured she’d have a lot more bush because she looks more like a ratty hipster chick than a brazilian waxing club slut and because I figured that after the miscarriage she wouldn’t give her vagina the time of day because it wronged her and needed some level of punishment and since all other forms of punishment made it cum, she figured that the silent treatment was the best approach to teach it a lesson so the pain of losing a baby doesn’t happen again, I was wrong. It happens, here’s Lily Allen’s pussy for you sick fucks who seeing the vagina of fat dumpy girls because it’s all you really know.
I don’t know when the pussy picture was taken, but these topless pictures of her are from this weekend, look at those legs, they look nice and sturdy like an empty school bus which is okay since it matches her childless stomach.
French people do sex better than American people, at least the do in movies and in advertising and in TV because unlike America, they aren’t scared of sex and I guess would rather see girls getting naked and fucked than seeing buildings blow up in movies, and being a pervert, I can totally appreciate that.
There was a time when I would only rent movies based on the rating and nudity warning and ended up with a lot of movies from France that had full penetration in mainstream movies and shit just made sense to me. If the people in the movie are acting or simulating reality, then the sex should be real too. These actors are getting paid tons of money and I can’t imagine why they’d want to fake fucking when they can just really fuck instead and I guess the French were up on that too.
Either way, here is a compilation of the French Actor, Marion Cotillard who won the the Academy award last week in a bunch of nude scenes, because you gotta get your start somewhere, and when in France, that start usually means getting naked.
Heidi Klum is pretty hot considering all the damage she’s put herself through, like all the kids and the huge black penis but that doesn’t really phase me, because the girls I know are a hell of a lot more damaged and look a hell of a lot worse than she does, even when she’s dressed like cat.
I was walking down the street the other day and saw some crazy woman talking to herself while walking her cat, like she had the motherfucker on a leash and was just walking it like it was a dog and since I never understood cat people I automatically assumed she was fucking nuts. The cat looked pretty fucking confused, like it wanted me to save it from the hell life it has, because if bitch is willing to take the cat out in public without any embarrassment, who the fuck knows what she does with it behind closed doors. I don’t think she’s fucking her cat, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she washes it and dresses it up in little costumes and makes it do dance routines like her own private circus and I think what it all comes down to is that bitch never had kids and this is what happens to girls when they realize they are 50 and alone. But then the woman got on all fours in the middle of the sidewalk and started barking at her cat like she was a dog and I realized that this woman doesn’t realize she’s alone at all, she’s too busy being fucking insane.
Today is an exciting day, because I found out that I have a reader and that reader comes to the site everyday and thinks that the site is worthy of being a daily read. I am pretty surprised that anyone who comes to this site actually knows how to read, I was convinced that everyone coming in was either . Either way, he sent in a side shot of Kat Von D’s tattooed pussy. You can’t really seen anything incriminating, like her dick but it’s a good enough view for you to jerk off to if you have a thing for inked up bitches.
I don’t know why but I find tattoos lame. I think they were cool on rockstars and bikers back in the day, but then frat boys who liked rockstars and bikers and action sports started getting full sleeves and now all these emo kids are getting full body shit done and I find the shit obnoxious, trying to be different when really being the same. So I am a lot more into a nice non-tattooed girl with some nice soft skin than some rough and beat up lookin’ slut from the gutter, but the funniest thing about the whole thing though is that the girl who looks like she’s from the gutter, usually has a lot more class than the pretty little non-tattooed girl who needs constant reaffirmation that she’s pretty by taking dick. Not your dick. But dick.
Either way, here’s that Miami Ink bitch Kat Von D’s side shot of her snatch because she’s hot and you’d like to tattoo her with your cum. Sick-o.
Here are some pictures of Brooke Burns Paddle Surfing like so many other celebrity bikini sets I’ve seen the last few months. It’s some new craze that everyone’s jumping on because they don’t realize how fucking Gay it is. This shit is gayer than watching prostate massage porn, and that’s pretty gay, even if the person doing the prostate massage has a vagina. Speaking of vagina, if you look close enough you can see part of her vagina, which should make you happy considering you’ve never really seen a vagina and everytime you watch porn shit’s like seeing pictures of the Loch Ness Monster or Big Foot, because you know it exists, you’ve just never tasted it.
Either way, here are those pics of a tall skinny and fit Brook Burns in her bikini.
In attempt to right a wrong, Britney Spears has decided to divert all attention from her really shitty career shattering performance by unleashing her cunt to the world. Despite all stereotypes that bloggers are either faggots or virgins, reality is that I know what a pussy looks like and I have seen pussy of all ages, all walks of life, all races, all general health levels and I know that this mess of a box may be waxed and bald but isn’t an actual babyhole. It is the ruins left over from her baby factory ass and her over-eating…so what you see is most likely her gunt, and less likely her labia. Either way, you can look at this shit cross-eyed and pretend it’s the real deal, because it’s not like you’re doing much else right now.
I once wrote that I loved this bitch, I am not sure why, because she’s in her late 30’s and that’s not usually my style, I like younger fresher meat, but she’s the daughter of Mick and Bianca Jagger and I guess she’s normally hot and has a lot of money, just not so hot when naked on the beach.
I think the funniest thing about this shit is that it reminds me of my life. For some reason whenever I used to convince a drunk girl to get naked for me, or flash me her tits or shows me her box, I always miss it the first time around, like I wasn’t ready for it and when I ask them to do it again they always just think I am some pervert trying to get a second peak even when I am paying them…I remember hooking up an hour with a frigid whore, I didn’t really think shit was possible but bitch would let you bang her but she wanted the lights off, she wanted to do it missionary and she refused to do much more than lie there like you were fucking a scared virgin, only she was a hooker and her pussy wasn’t built like a virgin, it was purchased bad sex and I guess she catered to guys who liked to pretend they were getting with the 50 year old Jewish or Italian wife who never goes down on them, I figure it was either for guys who were still living in their mom’s basement or for husbands who were married to nymph’s and just wanted to feel like their friends for a change…
Either way, this photographer got a naked bitch on the beach, but didn’t get one bit of tit or ass or fuckin’ pussy. I don’t know how that can happen when shit’s not staged because these pictures remind me of every PG movie nude scene and it’s kinda making me mad…
Here are some pictures of Brooke Hogan on the beach in a bikini lookin’ alright for Brooke Hogan.
The funny thing about bikinis like this is that they are pretty fucking revealing. I was looking at these pictures before posting them and I could see her full vagina. I can tell where there’s meat and where there isn’t and that’s pretty much the closest thing there is to seeing her sprawled out on a bed diddling herself naked. When a girl is just rockin’ underwear, you don’t see this kind of definition and this post may make me seem creepy as fucking hell but I am not the only one thinking this. I was talking to a friend who just went to some public pool who went off about how he doesn’t understand why guys focus on tits and asses when girls are around them in bikinis, you just have to look at the crotch and pretty much see everything they have to offer. My friend is also a 3 time sex offender so maybe it is a little creepy.
Eitehr way, I want to go off on how Brooke Hogan is thick and disgusting and has a broken down pick up truck of a face and looks like a man but these pictures don’t bother me, she’s tight bodied and bigger and now that I know she’s got a box and not balls, I am way more into her and her cheap stripper ways than I was before.
These pictures were taken by photo agency FAME and they are of Nick Lachey and Vanessa Minnillo naked. Unfortunately the fuckers sold the picture to Life & Style magazine and the uncensored version hasn’t hit the internet yet. I emailed x17 asking them to send me the unedited version, which could have been a mistake since those fuckers hate me and sites like me and sue all of our asses as often as they have to to protect their really lucrative, yet sleazy business of taking pictures of celebrities naked. The reason I am posting these is in hopes that one of my 12 readers, that means you, works at this magazine and has a copy of the original.
I always was fascinated with pubic hair and pussy and always wanted to know what bitch is rockin’. I remember when I was in school I used to ask all the girls to tell me about their pubic hair. I’d want to know what color shit was, I wanted to know how shit was maintained, was it bald, was it rectangular, was it triangular, was it dealt with by using scissors, wax, Nair or a razor or was it full blown bush. I never got kicked out of school for sexual harassment, only because it was a different era, no one ever complained and the teachers were probably just as into the shit I was doing and the information i was trying to get as I was, that’s why they were highschool teachers and didn’t have real jobs.
If that happened today, I probably would have never finished the ninth grade. They would have kicked me out and sent me to therapy or an all boys school or some shit good thing they didn’t because an all boy’s school would have given me little information for my autobiography that I will never write that is going to be called Life as a Pervert.
Some dude just asked me to sing the song Lip Gloss by Lil’ Mama to him over the phone. I don’t know what that song is or what motherfucker was implying when he wrote that to me, but I can only assume it was gay.
I also got an email about some whore named Toastee who is in some new celebrity sex tape video from Vivid, because Vivid is hooked on releasing celebrity sex tapes, even when the people are half rate celebrities. She was on some show called Flavor of Love, that I have heard of, but have never seen, but I don’t think that qualifies her as being a celebrity or having a celebrity sex tape. She’s just a girl with a dream of living the life and the only way for her talentless self to live the dream is by fucking on camera. It’s called being a fucking pornstar and girls have been exploiting themselves for money forever, because let’s face it, if you have no self respect it’s a pretty fucking easy job.
I watched the trailer, took some screenshots to show you pretty much all you’re going to see in it and I don’t really think this bitch deserves a post, I kinda hate all these reality TV stars who thought being on TV would make them famous and are now trying to find ways to stay in the limelight by showing their cunts. Not that Flavor of Love was a big deal or could really count as making anyone famous, but these bitches are clearly idiots dying for attention that even if you threw them up on public access they’d think they were Paris Hilton.
I shouldn’t be so hard on her though, because if all girls were like Toastee, I’d have a lot of content to work with, but I’d also hate every girl out there for being a whore, and I’d probably take Lip Gloss boy up on his offer, if you know what I mean. Thank god it hasn’t come to that. Cuddles.
