When Ryan Seacrest was asked if it was Paula Abdul’s fault some fan killed herself outside of Paula’s house, his reaction was really heart felt, you know like he’s really let the death of one of the American Idol contestants affect him. He says something along the lines of Paula being a sweetheart and it being an isolated incident, something we already knew, because Paula doesn’t have any more fans, all the other ones she had have offed themselves a long time ago, or moved onto more relevant stars, putting their Paula Abdul cutouts album on a shelf next to their action-figure collection, but either way, it looks like he’s more interested in running inside to look at himself in the mirror and that makes him a self-absorbed asshole, and since I jerk off to everything Ryan Seacrest. I figured I’d post this.

So I was I somehow managed to get on this Ryan Seacrest email list that his radio sends out to and for some reason they didn’t BCC the shit…and it went like this:

Ryan Seacrest exclusively revealed Thursday that Madonna, Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake will still hit the stage together despite a major section of the stage being damaged.
 
Cordially,

ST

So I responded to all:

If you knew how much I jerked off to Ryan Seacrest and his amazing hair, you’d be sending me restraining orders and not links to his site, but since I appreciate all things Ryan Seacrest, I am totally hard over this email. I hope that doesn’t offend anyone.

Cordially and With Love,

Jesus Martinez
DrunkenStepfather.com

I am posting it because I got a kick out of it, but the this girl didn’t, I guess she’s a real fan of Seacrest.

You’re fat and shy in real life.  And your website is the biggest piece of misogynistic shit on the Internet. 

Shame they haven’t come up with such a thing as retroactive abortions. 

And my response:

I am shy and fat on the internet too. Don’t hate me, I didn’t invite fat chicks.

Love

Jesus

ps -Good retroactive abortion joke, did you get that at your rape victims survivor class, you penis hating cunt.

Ryan Seacrest is a total cunt. Just because he’s with a bitch, doesn’t mean he is into them. He’s a total poofter and this has been Ryan Seacrest Pretending he’s not gay, Picture of the Day. Even if this motherfucker had a sex tape come out where he’s fuckin 8 chicks, everyone would know it’s a cover-up. You’re not foolin any of us. Jesus Martinez - OUT - fucker.